I discovered my wife cheating on me a couple months ago. We have been trying to repair our marriage but it's very hard for me. For starters, she never told me everything about the affair. She first claimed that they were just friends and it took for me to confront her with cold hard facts before she finally admitted to the affair. Even then, she only admitted to them kissing and that was because I told her that I knew that she kissed him (based on messages I saw before she deleted them). What I'm trying to say is that she has only told me things that I already know. She is trying to downplay the affair and says she is hurt by it.
The thing is, I don't know if the truth of what they did would make me feel better. She said that they never had sex and that they never touched each other except for when they kissed. I know for a fact that they spent multiple occasions alone going to lunch and sitting together in the car talking. She claims that they never went to a hotel and never had sex but that just don't sit well for me especially when I consider that the affair went on for at least a couple months. I can't believe that 2 grown adults that are both married would take the time to text, talk, and spend time together everyday if nothing sexual was going on. I found his wife through Facebook and told her everything. AFAIK, the affair is over
So we have started counseling and in the last session, we began to talk about the affair. I told the counselor that it's hard for me to move on a trust her since she hasn't given me the whole truth about what she did. He pretty much told me that even if she told me the full truth, there would still be some doubt in my mind that there is more that she is hiding. Furthermore, he said that in order for us to move forward in the marriage and make things work, I need to put what she did behind me and I NEED TO BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING SHE SAID HAPPENED IS TRUE!!!!
This made me furious because I feel that as a man, I should not have to put myself in a position to believe her bull**** just so we can move forward in the marriage. If she feels that I believe her lies now, she may be tempted to use more lies in the future and then force me to believe them if I want the marriage to work. I got to the point that I wanted to punch our counselor in the nose. Of course, she agrees with what he said and I feel like they are trying to railroad me. Her story has changed multiple times and she has even let a few details slip that I didn't know before. Some of the dates and times don't match up and as I mentioned before, she will only admit up to the things that I told her I knew about. Every time I bring up the affair, she gets upset and says that I am punishing her and making her relive what happened.
I know I'm not perfect but I also know that I'm not crazy. Do you guys think that this is good advice from the counselor. Even though I know that she hasn't given me the full truth and is still hiding some things about the affair, should I just drop it and tell her that I believe her for the sake of moving forward with trying to fix the marriage? I'm really stuck here because we have 2 kids and it's hard for me to leave them. Some days, I feel like things will be better and we can move past this. Other days I'm sitting and thinking about the "unknowns" between her and the other man and it gets me furious. Any advice would be appreciated!
The thing is, I don't know if the truth of what they did would make me feel better. She said that they never had sex and that they never touched each other except for when they kissed. I know for a fact that they spent multiple occasions alone going to lunch and sitting together in the car talking. She claims that they never went to a hotel and never had sex but that just don't sit well for me especially when I consider that the affair went on for at least a couple months. I can't believe that 2 grown adults that are both married would take the time to text, talk, and spend time together everyday if nothing sexual was going on. I found his wife through Facebook and told her everything. AFAIK, the affair is over
So we have started counseling and in the last session, we began to talk about the affair. I told the counselor that it's hard for me to move on a trust her since she hasn't given me the whole truth about what she did. He pretty much told me that even if she told me the full truth, there would still be some doubt in my mind that there is more that she is hiding. Furthermore, he said that in order for us to move forward in the marriage and make things work, I need to put what she did behind me and I NEED TO BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING SHE SAID HAPPENED IS TRUE!!!!
This made me furious because I feel that as a man, I should not have to put myself in a position to believe her bull**** just so we can move forward in the marriage. If she feels that I believe her lies now, she may be tempted to use more lies in the future and then force me to believe them if I want the marriage to work. I got to the point that I wanted to punch our counselor in the nose. Of course, she agrees with what he said and I feel like they are trying to railroad me. Her story has changed multiple times and she has even let a few details slip that I didn't know before. Some of the dates and times don't match up and as I mentioned before, she will only admit up to the things that I told her I knew about. Every time I bring up the affair, she gets upset and says that I am punishing her and making her relive what happened.
I know I'm not perfect but I also know that I'm not crazy. Do you guys think that this is good advice from the counselor. Even though I know that she hasn't given me the full truth and is still hiding some things about the affair, should I just drop it and tell her that I believe her for the sake of moving forward with trying to fix the marriage? I'm really stuck here because we have 2 kids and it's hard for me to leave them. Some days, I feel like things will be better and we can move past this. Other days I'm sitting and thinking about the "unknowns" between her and the other man and it gets me furious. Any advice would be appreciated!
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