Hello Everyone, i would need urgent advice on the following situation. Any feedback would be appreciated !
Background Story:
I got to know this Russian Moscow girl (just turned 24) on may the 10th, a Ukrainian friend introduced me to her. Me (just turned 32) and her ended up talking for 5+ hours each day.
She ends up wanting to visit me in late June. I insist that late July would be better because then my semester would be over and i could give her my undivided attention. Anway, she insists to come in late June because her plans for the summer and I give in.
I pick her up at the Munich airport and we end up spending 3 days(Friday-Monday) at a hotel in Augsburg (my hometown) and she spends 2 day in Munich. I was busy at school at the time so I could not stay with her in Munich.
Once at the hotel she went to the bathroom and came out very revealing and with just a shower towel around herself , her left breast visible. She totally undressed and just lied down. For me this was the first time being with a "snow bunny " , so the experience was a little overwhelming. We had talked so much over Skype but still i was so overwhelmed. I had never been with a white girl before in a sexual way let alone with a person that was non restrictive about sexual matters. After 13 years of searching I had finally accomplished what I had wanted for so long, find a match that was just as open minded and crazy as I am.
While we were at the hotel in Augsburg she complained that i was not aggressive enough in bed (sexwise) but we could still be friends. That hurt a little but at the end of the trip things improved.
On Tuesday i met up with her at the airport to send her off . We had a good conversation.
After she had left, on the next day, I got a call from my former girlfriend (a Malaysian). While me and my former girlfriend talked i got a call from Katia. I told her that i would call her back and so i did 10 minutes later. When i called Katia back she was furious for letting her wait that long. She said she tolerates everything but not letting her wait or "ignoring" her like that.
So she decided to break up with me, which hurt quite a bit. In my panicked state i totally cut it off with my Malaysian former girlfriend.
Later that day i got a letter from the Russian how she loved me. I told her that I received her letter.
Eventually she came around and said that she overreacted and that she wanted to work things out.
We continued our relationship and she told me she loved me and wanted to be my wife. She ended up getting me a Android Galaxy s4 Smartphone for my birthday so we could stay in touch.
We had our ups and downs. Then her Latvian friend , which she had know for years decides to rent an apartment in Moscow over the weekend. She tells me about it. They end up spending 3 days together more or less.
she says said nothing happened besides him fondling her breasts and that she rejected him because she was with me. I don't really know if she was actually telling the truth. I could not verify it in any way.
She even send me pictures of her and the place and we chatted a bit while she was at that rented apartment.
Me and her are rather very open minded individuals and I wanted her to have fun. It still made me uncomfortable. I just didn't want her to leave me hanging. Anyway, things continued between us until 2 weeks ago.
I was supposed to visit her in Moscow from the 14 September until the 21st of September. Her parents would be out of town and i would stay at her place in Moscow.
That plan fell through because of some non sense talk from my grandmother about me not being able to leave the house unattended for a week. So i cancelled the flight
Katia had payed for the flight and got very upset when i told her all about it. I was and still am upset about this myself.
Anyhow, i asked her if i could come in October and she said she didn't know yet. Then she said that wouldn't be good because it would rain throughout October. I kinda considered that to be bull****.
Then she said she had made alternative plan for the week i was supposed to be there and that she would got to South Africa to visit her former long distance boyfriend there for a week starting September the 20th. This hurt quite a bit. At that point in time I was really on edge, nervous, excited, anxious for days on end. I ended up telling her that I would go to Berlin to visit my friend Brendon to clear my head. Eventually I asked her directly if she and her South African friend would end up having sex, she just replied with "erm mmmmmm ermm mmm". So i took that as a yes. I was crushed!
I am a pretty open minded individual but i would not just **** anyone without permission of my partner. It seemed to me that she was just doing out of spite and frustration because I did not come to Moscow in September.
I end up asking her again if i should come in October and she just says that she will be taking driving classes for three months with her friend starting in late September. She would have little to no time.
At that point in time i really did not know if we were in a relationship anymore and it made be on edge in a way i have never been before. It was insane. It felt like she was distancing herself from me more and more.
Then things imploded just epically, here is the chat log:
September 5th (Friday)
Skype:
[05.09.2014 13:10:15] KATIA: ugh
[05.09.2014 13:12:42] LaVic1889: what ?
[05.09.2014 13:12:51] KATIA: i feel so sad
[05.09.2014 13:13:10] LaVic1889: can i help to cheer you up ?
[05.09.2014 13:13:20] KATIA: I dunno how to cheer myself up
[05.09.2014 13:13:25] LaVic1889: jesus
[05.09.2014 13:13:33] LaVic1889: that makes me sad
[05.09.2014 13:13:39] KATIA: it's a nice day today and I don't have anything to do besides work
[05.09.2014 13:13:44] LaVic1889: ffs
[05.09.2014 13:13:56] LaVic1889: its warm here 2 and sorta nice
[05.09.2014 13:14:02] KATIA: you made me sad and guilty yesterday
[05.09.2014 13:14:10] LaVic1889: i apologize
[05.09.2014 13:14:24] LaVic1889: i really didnt mean to put this burden on you
[05.09.2014 13:14:57] LaVic1889: how can i change that ?
[05.09.2014 13:15:53] KATIA: how do I know?
[05.09.2014 13:16:04] KATIA: if I knew of course i would not be sad right now
[05.09.2014 13:16:10] LaVic1889: well i know what i have to do to make it right
[05.09.2014 13:16:27] LaVic1889: but it isnt an instantanious act
[05.09.2014 13:18:15] KATIA: pfft
[05.09.2014 13:18:44] LaVic1889: pffftt it doesnt take that long either
[05.09.2014 13:19:02] KATIA: I'm going to a driving school in the end of september
[05.09.2014 13:19:15] KATIA: so i ll be busy since then
[05.09.2014 13:20:18] LaVic1889: (y)
[05.09.2014 13:20:26] LaVic1889: when did you decide this ?
[05.09.2014 13:20:30] KATIA: yesterday
[05.09.2014 13:20:36] LaVic1889: when will you be done ?
[05.09.2014 13:21:12] LaVic1889: what moved you to make that decision ?
[05.09.2014 13:21:42] KATIA: 3 months
[05.09.2014 13:22:16] KATIA: I ve been thinking of it for a long time, but now my blonde friend told me she finally has money to go to study
[05.09.2014 13:22:19] KATIA: so we are going
[05.09.2014 13:22:35] LaVic1889: that might not be a bad idea
[05.09.2014 13:22:45] LaVic1889: will you have any time ?
[05.09.2014 13:23:12] LaVic1889: i mean free time
[05.09.2014 13:23:15] KATIA: not sure
[05.09.2014 13:23:33] KATIA: probably 3 times a week
[05.09.2014 13:24:22] LaVic1889: hmmm . if i come some time in october , i wonder if hat would work for you
[05.09.2014 13:24:57] KATIA: probably not
[05.09.2014 13:25:28] LaVic1889: any time ?
[05.09.2014 13:27:02] KATIA: some time, yes
[05.09.2014 13:27:31] LaVic1889: ok
[05.09.2014 13:27:50] KATIA: I'm sorry
[05.09.2014 13:28:41] LaVic1889: its ok
[05.09.2014 13:53:10] LaVic1889: i am going to the hospital, i will be back in a bit
[05.09.2014 13:58:57] KATIA: bye
[05.09.2014 15:14:38] LaVic1889: Back
[05.09.2014 15:15:57] KATIA: wb
[05.09.2014 15:17:21] LaVic1889: Ty
[05.09.2014 15:48:52] KATIA: wow you are quiet
[05.09.2014 15:48:59] LaVic1889: i am here
[05.09.2014 15:49:16] LaVic1889: whats up ?
[05.09.2014 15:49:45] KATIA: nthn just surprised by your silenceness!
[05.09.2014 15:49:55] LaVic1889: my bad :x
[05.09.2014 15:50:00] KATIA: i got high
[05.09.2014 15:50:03] LaVic1889: will you take a break ?
[05.09.2014 15:50:09] LaVic1889: high on what ?
[05.09.2014 15:50:14] KATIA: weed
[05.09.2014 15:50:14] LaVic1889: where are you ?
[05.09.2014 15:50:19] KATIA: on what else
[05.09.2014 15:50:21] KATIA: at home
[05.09.2014 15:50:36] LaVic1889: can u send me some xD
[05.09.2014 15:50:45] LaVic1889: i would really really need it right now
[05.09.2014 15:51:06] LaVic1889: maybe i need to get drunk
[05.09.2014 15:52:45] LaVic1889: what do you suggest ?
[05.09.2014 15:56:50] KATIA: how abooouuuut
[05.09.2014 15:56:55] KATIA: i call you and masturbate
[05.09.2014 15:57:01] LaVic1889: ok
[05.09.2014 15:57:03] KATIA: lol
[05.09.2014 15:58:16] LaVic1889: lol
[05.09.2014 15:59:51] LaVic1889: will you take a break ?
[05.09.2014 16:01:04] *** Anruf von KATIA beendet (Dauer 34:04). ***
[05.09.2014 16:37:26] KATIA: omg I'm sorry i gotta run
[05.09.2014 16:37:28] KATIA: urgent call
[05.09.2014 16:37:30] KATIA: love u (heart)
[05.09.2014 16:37:32] LaVic1889: ok
[05.09.2014 16:37:36] LaVic1889: love u (heart)
[05.09.2014 16:37:38] LaVic1889: have fun
[05.09.2014 16:37:50] KATIA: dont cum!
[05.09.2014 16:37:57] KATIA: i wanna continue when I'm back
[05.09.2014 16:38:01] LaVic1889: ok
[05.09.2014 16:38:09] LaVic1889: see u then
[05.09.2014 16:38:12] LaVic1889: (y)
[05.09.2014 16:46:25] KATIA: lol now i cried a little
[05.09.2014 16:46:34] LaVic1889: why ?
[05.09.2014 16:48:23] LaVic1889: come on
[05.09.2014 16:49:20] LaVic1889: you can tell me
[05.09.2014 17:46:31] KATIA: Im back
[05.09.2014 17:46:34] KATIA: Im sorry for that
[05.09.2014 17:47:14] LaVic1889: welcome back
[05.09.2014 17:47:30] LaVic1889: why did you cry
[05.09.2014 17:47:56] KATIA: because I'm also under a lot of stess
[05.09.2014 17:47:58] KATIA: r
[05.09.2014 17:49:00] LaVic1889: can you tell me ?
[05.09.2014 17:49:06] KATIA: id rather not
[05.09.2014 17:50:37] LaVic1889: is it because you think it would hurt me or is it because it would make you more worried about everything ?
[05.09.2014 17:50:44] KATIA: both
[05.09.2014 17:55:02] LaVic1889: what do you want to do ?
[05.09.2014 17:55:33] LaVic1889: now
[05.09.2014 17:57:19] LaVic1889: ill be back in a bit
[05.09.2014 18:01:54] KATIA: k
[05.09.2014 18:01:59] KATIA: i want nothing
[05.09.2014 18:35:53] KATIA: a bit has passed!
[05.09.2014 19:40:41] LaVic1889: yay !
[05.09.2014 19:48:53] LaVic1889: i hope you feel better soon
[05.09.2014 23:01:38] LaVic1889: (*)\o/(^)\o/(*)
[05.09.2014 23:02:03] LaVic1889: just so you dont forget , Happy Birthday (sun)
By then i had also received a package in the mail that she had ordered for me. It was custom made m & ms with her face on some of them and the phrase "I love you Stoph! " on others.
September 6th (her 24th Birthday - Saturday)
Skype:
[06.09.2014 10:57:05] KATIA: tnx
Viber:
Me (9:31): Good Morning !
I send an image of a Russian Happy Birthday greeting to her. I really put some effort into it.
KATIA (10:37): Aww Sweet
KATIA (11:40): Well looks like i need to move out
KATIA (11:48): The worst bday ever xD
KATIA (13:13): Is everything ok on your end ?
KATIA (13:40): Why are you not answering the phone ??
I had go on a bike ride to clear my head. I didn't want to pressure and ask her tough question and just thought she wanted some space.
Me (16:29): Having a good time?
KATIA (16:59): I had the worst time of my life
KATIA (16:59): Too bad I did not kill myself as intended a year ago
Me (17:13): Dont say **** like that
Me (17:13): I called you
Me (17:14): Let's talk
Me (17:14): I am heading home soon
Me (17:15): On my way
Me (17:15): You should not even think about these things
KATIA (17:35): I need to find an apartment to live
Me (17:36): Are your parents kicking you out?
KATIA (17:36): My suicide attempt and mental hospital was not the result of ex relations
KATIA (17:37): It's my mother's behavior
KATIA (17:37): Nah they are not kicking me xD
Me (17:37): Ha !
KATIA (17:37): But in this light my family is a burden
KATIA (17:38): Today could result in another suicide attempt
KATIA (17:38): I had to overdose my medicine to keep my mind clean
KATIA (17:39): Now I'm all drowsy
Me (17:38): We need to talk
Me (17:39): Dont be like that
KATIA (17:39): Sorry I'm meeting with my friend at the cafe
Me (17:39): Pause for a moment
KATIA (17:39): I ll text you when I'm done
Me (17:39): Ok
Me (17:39): Chill
Some time after that conversation I accidently butt dialed her.
KATIA (17:43): I told you I'm busy
KATIA (17:44): Please don't do this
KATIA (17:45): Please stop
KATIA (17:45): Or i ll switch the phone off
KATIA (17:56): Are you getting these messages?
Me (18:13): My bad
Me (18:13): Need to lock my phone
KATIA (18:13): ha ha yea I got it
KATIA (18:19): dont worry about me!
KATIA (18:19): everything s gonna be alright
KATIA (18:19): OK !
ME(18:32): Good !
ME (18:32): Yay !
At this point in time i send pictures of my relatives turtles, house ,etc. Some time had passed.
KATIA (20:02): Have a good night (I was really surprised at that statement, i expected her to want to talk!)
Me(19:47): You 2
KATIA (22:01): Finally I'm home
Me(23:15): Yay (i actually thought she had gone to bed already)
Me(23:15): how was your birthday ?
Me(23:16): awww asleep already (i realized that she went to bed already)
September 7th (Sunday)
To clear my head I decided to visit my friend in Berlin via train and stay there for a couple of days.
Viber:
ME (6:46): good morning
ME (6:46): I am really ...(explicit content)
At this point I sent an explicit picture of myself. - I had done that before and it had been perfectly fine. She had send me explicit pictures of herself as well several times.
ME (7:35): Sorry if I offended you
Skype:
[07.09.2014 06:03:53] LaVic1889: Katia , you were supposed to get something yesterday. They called you. The will send you a text message. Just to give you a heads up.
I was on the train up to Heilbad Heiligenstadt to meet up with my friend who lives in Berlin
The following log is somewhat out of sinc:
[07.09.2014 10:32:44] LaVic1889: Of course can your friend be there for you if he she lives there
[07.09.2014 10:33:58] LaVic1889: It was poor judgement to tink that you would in the mood for this right now given that you actually tried to kill yourself
[07.09.2014 10:34:23] LaVic1889: I am no maniac , freak or creep
[07.09.2014 10:34:58] LaVic1889: I would not just do this to anyone. It was my ill informed choice to do so
[07.09.2014 10:39:02] LaVic1889: I accept full responsibility. It seems that I just cant do anything right with. I am either too reserved or too out there. You have sent me pics explicit pix in the past too and I kept my cool although there were certain things that bothered me. I accept you for who you are and am willing and ready to work things out. I dont want us to go to waste.
[07.09.2014 10:39:53] LaVic1889: This kills me inside.
[07.09.2014 10:41:11] LaVic1889: I will not do this again
[07.09.2014 10:41:50] LaVic1889: Like I can do nothing right with you.
[07.09.2014 10:42:37] LaVic1889: I need to ask you something
[07.09.2014 10:43:56] LaVic1889: What ? What is my true nature ?
[07.09.2014 10:44:39] LaVic1889: I was there yesterday . The second I saw you called I stopped and dropped everything
[07.09.2014 10:45:13] LaVic1889: I took the situation very seriously
[07.09.2014 10:47:43] LaVic1889: The last few days have hell for me just to let you know. I had no ill intentions to hurt you or pressure you into anything. Even thou I was in great pain I did not give up in believing in us and still havent
[07.09.2014 10:50:15] KATIA: this is disgusting (this should be around 10:45)
[07.09.2014 10:51:01] LaVic1889: I know that I ****ed up today but dont just see what you want to see and call me a maniac. I got carried away and thought you would like it
since you have done the same in the past. To hear you say that I lost your respect and that you dont want to talk anymore shatters me and brings right back down to where I was yesterday and the days before.
[07.09.2014 10:51:06] KATIA: I felt so miserable yesterday and you were not there for me, but my friend was, and I wanted to end my life and the first thing I see from you today is how horny you are
[07.09.2014 10:51:19] KATIA: i want to vomit
[07.09.2014 10:51:42] KATIA: find yourself another sex toy
[07.09.2014 10:51:55] LaVic1889: The only reason I was out was to clear my head and alleviate the pain I was feeling for over a week now.
[07.09.2014 10:52:03] LaVic1889: It was ****ing hell
[07.09.2014 10:52:32] LaVic1889: I cried and cried
[07.09.2014 10:53:25] LaVic1889: I paced back and forth trying to figure out where we were going relationship wise
[07.09.2014 10:53:45] LaVic1889: I wasnt even sure anymore if we in a relationship
[07.09.2014 10:53:57] KATIA: wanted and was = different things
[07.09.2014 10:54:04] KATIA: you were not there for me
[07.09.2014 10:54:13] KATIA: and I could understand that
[07.09.2014 10:54:20] KATIA: you did not help
[07.09.2014 10:54:28] KATIA: But sending me a **** the next day
[07.09.2014 10:54:33] KATIA: what you were even thinking?
[07.09.2014 10:54:39] KATIA: I can understand your second gf now
[07.09.2014 10:54:54] KATIA: you truly are a maniac and I don't want to pay for that ****
[07.09.2014 10:55:03] KATIA: you made me cry with that
[07.09.2014 10:55:04] LaVic1889: I dont want to rant but this week has been the worst in a long long while. I havent felt like this in 10 years
[07.09.2014 10:55:08] KATIA: and you don't even care
[07.09.2014 10:55:28] KATIA: the most disgusting thing you could do
[07.09.2014 10:55:32] KATIA: showing no respect
[07.09.2014 10:55:33] KATIA: no feelings
[07.09.2014 10:55:35] KATIA: nothing
[07.09.2014 10:55:47] LaVic1889: When you send me the revealing pics on viber but thats not even the issue for me anymore
[07.09.2014 10:55:57] KATIA: i don't want to talk to you anymore
[07.09.2014 10:55:58] LaVic1889: Nooooo
[07.09.2014 10:56:06] KATIA: I've lost my respect
[07.09.2014 10:56:20] KATIA: and I don't want a partner who only thinks about masturbation when his partner is dying
[07.09.2014 10:57:07] LaVic1889: It take great care not to step on peoples toes or hurt them in anyway. Hold a sec
[07.09.2014 10:58:00] LaVic1889: I was crying because of us , my grandmother and all the mounting pressure. It was just too much all at once
[07.09.2014 10:58:45] LaVic1889: I thought you were feeling better since u explicitly said that yourself yesterday
[07.09.2014 10:59:30] LaVic1889: I had to ask for help elsewhere since you seemed so distant
[07.09.2014 11:00:06] LaVic1889: I didnt want risk you getting upset with me when you foundcout I was in this dysfunctional state
[07.09.2014 11:00:28] LaVic1889: Yes u did say eveything will be alright
[07.09.2014 11:00:46] LaVic1889: Yes!
[07.09.2014 11:01:30] LaVic1889: What I called you repradetky and wanted to know what was going on. I was worried ****less
[07.09.2014 11:05:23] KATIA: I don't want to hear these excuses
[07.09.2014 11:05:46] KATIA: Ive had long distance relations before and that person has always been there for me if something happened
[07.09.2014 11:05:56] KATIA: And I even bought you a phone to stay in touch
[07.09.2014 11:06:26] KATIA: but you use it to take pics of animals instead of staying in touch
[07.09.2014 11:06:29] KATIA: it's your choise
[07.09.2014 11:06:33] KATIA: *choice
[07.09.2014 11:06:46] KATIA: but the way you behaved the next day — don't even talk to me
[07.09.2014 11:06:54] KATIA: I'm sick to my stomach
[07.09.2014 11:07:18] KATIA: I only wished you showed your truly nature before I started these relations
[07.09.2014 11:10:35] KATIA: I'm not a sex toy and not your masturbation partner
[07.09.2014 11:10:42] KATIA: if you want this kind of relations, hire a ****
[07.09.2014 11:11:04] KATIA: and don't you dare to make me feel like one
[07.09.2014 11:11:35] KATIA: and Im waiting for your question
[07.09.2014 11:15:02] KATIA: I don't want to get involved with a person who only thinks with his **** and whose decisions and motivation are only driven by **** itself, I've got enough of that. This is so ****ing offensive the worst thing you could ever do to me right now
[07.09.2014 11:15:32] KATIA: and you, trying to justify yourself, is like how do you even dare to try to find a way to excuse yourself
I got carried away and thought you would like it since you have done the same in the past.
I did the same?
[07.09.2014 11:20:23] KATIA: when?
[07.09.2014 11:21:13] KATIA: when I called you to find out you were crying?
[07.09.2014 11:22:11] KATIA: or was I like, oh, you are worried because of you grandmother and you are crying? here, have a pic of my tits
[07.09.2014 11:23:03] KATIA: no it doesnt
[07.09.2014 11:23:23] KATIA: when you are explicitly told of their feelings and emotions
[07.09.2014 11:23:44] LaVic1889: To hear say these things that I didnt care hurts. You were on my mind 24 7 over the padt week. I had to leave the house not to break but I broke anyway several times
[07.09.2014 11:24:33] LaVic1889: It was this morning thinking that you were not emotionally compromised
[07.09.2014 11:25:25] KATIA: where did I say that?
[07.09.2014 11:25:29] LaVic1889: For the love of ****ing good do you actually know how I felt like this week , what state was and still am in
[07.09.2014 11:25:34] KATIA: I said that everything is going to be alright
[07.09.2014 11:26:04] KATIA: and it was at 8 pm
[07.09.2014 11:26:27] KATIA: and you didn't even care to see if it was alright
[07.09.2014 11:27:30] LaVic1889: I thought of ****ing you 24 7 this passed more than ever. The distance I felt and the sensation we were growing apart not knowing If I even was in a relationship with you.
[07.09.2014 11:28:10] KATIA: it was before I said that
[07.09.2014 11:28:26] KATIA: after that the only thing you did was sending your ****
[07.09.2014 11:28:40] KATIA: so don't even try how worried ****less you were
[07.09.2014 11:29:13] LaVic1889: I could barely sleep and eat anything. Pacing back and forth trying to figure our situation out. Trying to deal with my doubts and worries. I am yours no matter what.
[07.09.2014 11:29:36] LaVic1889: You werent
[07.09.2014 11:29:48] LaVic1889: Unbelieveable
[07.09.2014 11:29:53] KATIA: Okay, I don't want to hear that anymore
[07.09.2014 11:29:58] KATIA: it's bull**** piling up
[07.09.2014 11:30:20] KATIA: want to excuse yourself and think about yourself like if you did something for me yesterday — go ahead
[07.09.2014 11:30:22] LaVic1889: I put my feelings into our relationship from the start
[07.09.2014 11:31:08] LaVic1889: you think I am making these things up ?
[07.09.2014 11:31:17] LaVic1889: That I am faking it ?
[07.09.2014 11:32:28] LaVic1889: Well I am not and truuuully wished I was just imaginening these doubts and emotional pain
[07.09.2014 11:33:54] LaVic1889: I feeding you the truth on how I felt and still feel and you are making me feel like **** when you said that knowing I heard you this bad
[07.09.2014 11:34:08] KATIA: as I said I don't want to feel like a sex toy
[07.09.2014 11:34:20] KATIA: and now Im disgusted just to think of doing it with you
[07.09.2014 11:34:40] KATIA: as I said, you made me sick to my stomach
[07.09.2014 11:34:55] LaVic1889: I dont care if I get sex from you or not. For me It was never about sex for sex sake.
[07.09.2014 11:35:17] KATIA: sex is a delicate thing to me already, and you just made it worse because you only cared about your ****
[07.09.2014 11:35:21] KATIA: not even about my state
[07.09.2014 11:35:28] KATIA: not even if I was still ****ing alive
[07.09.2014 11:35:37] KATIA: and you are feeding all this bull**** to me right now
[07.09.2014 11:35:46] KATIA: I will never **** you again
[07.09.2014 11:36:03] KATIA: take it or leave it
[07.09.2014 11:36:04] LaVic1889: It feels like I should have remained my reserved self and not have anything intimate with eachother knowing that we could both be hurt pretty badly
[07.09.2014 11:36:22] LaVic1889: I wanted a partner not a ****ing sex toy
[07.09.2014 11:38:01] LaVic1889: You saying that you didnt care if I had sex with other girls hurt me a lot. I didnt say much about because I didnt want you to be upset or worried.
[07.09.2014 11:38:08] KATIA: I mean, I won't be able to even if I wanted
[07.09.2014 11:38:18] KATIA: not to mention that I don't want it anymore
[07.09.2014 11:38:33] LaVic1889: When you said that it just seemed that you really didnt give a **** about us
[07.09.2014 11:39:30] LaVic1889: When you hinted that you might have sex with your south african friend it killed me inside.
[07.09.2014 11:40:30] LaVic1889: Its like 'stoph wont be able to make it to moscow when I want him to come , so I need to look elsewhere to compensate,'
[07.09.2014 11:40:37] LaVic1889: Wtf!!!!!
[07.09.2014 11:41:24] LaVic1889: I didnt and dont want to pressure you about these things and want you to be free
[07.09.2014 11:41:46] LaVic1889: Without having to worry about me getting hurt
[07.09.2014 11:42:45] LaVic1889: I thoroughly thougbt about what we talked about the previous 3 days and I came to realize that I would total sense not be upset about it.
[07.09.2014 11:44:07] LaVic1889: I just realized that I am just like you in this and pretended that I wanted something conventional deep down inside me.
[07.09.2014 11:44:40] LaVic1889: Conventional will never work for me I know this now
[07.09.2014 11:45:25] LaVic1889: In that sense I believe now thats one of the stronger parts that attracts me to you
[07.09.2014 11:45:50] KATIA: well, that's a problem
[07.09.2014 11:45:56] KATIA: how you want to be someone you are not
[07.09.2014 11:46:23] KATIA: you do
[07.09.2014 11:46:26] LaVic1889: Relationship wise you would not look down on me if I had something with someone else as long as I loved you and was committed to you
[07.09.2014 11:46:35] KATIA: you are faking your personality
[07.09.2014 11:46:39] KATIA: thats what you are doing
[07.09.2014 11:47:15] KATIA: oh I share your point of view because Im open minded like that, but I ll just go cry about it
[07.09.2014 11:47:24] KATIA: it's not even close to open mindeness
[07.09.2014 11:47:27] KATIA: so stop fakin it
[07.09.2014 11:47:50] KATIA: you re an ordinary over-emotional guy who wanted his gf to be chained to his leg otherwise it hurts
[07.09.2014 11:48:23] KATIA: I don't want to hurt no one, I want a partner who shares my views on life
[07.09.2014 11:48:49] KATIA: for you having sex with one person means care
[07.09.2014 11:48:53] KATIA: for me it means nothing
[07.09.2014 11:48:57] KATIA: because I know what caring is
[07.09.2014 11:49:18] KATIA: and Im over that kind of relations society wants me to have
[07.09.2014 11:49:24] KATIA: because it's convinient
[07.09.2014 11:49:48] KATIA: Ive told you that from the beginning and you still decided to get into relations with e
[07.09.2014 11:49:49] KATIA: *me
[07.09.2014 11:49:51] KATIA: you knew it
[07.09.2014 11:49:55] KATIA: so why are you crying now?
I am fully committed to you. I talked to my extended family about us to get some advice because it was just growing over my head. I am yours and hope you can be mine. From the very beginning once I got serious I started to consider you a potential mate.
[07.09.2014 11:53:29] LaVic1889: I have talked to people that have more experience in this, people that have 50 years of marriage experience and they gave me valuable advice. They even wanted me to introduce you to them when you come or I bring you to augsburg. They also offered to look after the house everyday
[07.09.2014 11:56:57] LaVic1889: yesterday while I was out and about with these people , my relatives, on the bike I thought that we needed an open and Frank discussion very soon to find out what we truly wanted and what kind of people we truly are. I eventually decided not to say anything tomorrow. I didnt want to press the issue and have you worry even more.
[07.09.2014 11:57:23] LaVic1889: My personality isnt fake
[07.09.2014 11:58:17] LaVic1889: I just ignored the fact that if roles were reversed and I was less emotional I would do the same. I am no angel
[07.09.2014 11:59:30] LaVic1889: Ppfff no
[07.09.2014 11:59:38] LaVic1889: Just no
[07.09.2014 12:00:40] LaVic1889: I was just fooling myself to believe that I wouldnt dobthe same and be ok with it.
[07.09.2014 12:00:44] LaVic1889: Bull****
[07.09.2014 12:01:16] LaVic1889: The only worry I had was to lose you
[07.09.2014 12:01:16] KATIA: yea you discuss things with everyone but me
[07.09.2014 12:01:33] LaVic1889: You may do whatever you want
[07.09.2014 12:01:40] KATIA: because you decided to fake your personality to keep me
[07.09.2014 12:01:47] KATIA: so it's better cry than discuss things
[07.09.2014 12:01:50] KATIA: good fckn job
[07.09.2014 12:01:53] KATIA: in losing me
[07.09.2014 12:02:12] LaVic1889: I know that I am fully committed to you. That is just a fact
[07.09.2014 12:02:17] KATIA: it is
[07.09.2014 12:02:28] KATIA: it's not the first time you re saying this
[07.09.2014 12:02:42] KATIA: like how you are up for relations like that and how you get my point
[07.09.2014 12:02:45] KATIA: and then you cry
[07.09.2014 12:02:46] KATIA: everytime
[07.09.2014 12:02:52] KATIA: it's called faking
[07.09.2014 12:02:56] LaVic1889: Exactly
[07.09.2014 12:02:58] KATIA: and I don't need a partner like that
[07.09.2014 12:03:11] LaVic1889: So it seems now
[07.09.2014 12:03:12] KATIA: who is faking their personality just to have someone to send his **** to
[07.09.2014 12:03:26] LaVic1889: But then I am somewhat confused
[07.09.2014 12:03:36] LaVic1889: You want me to be there for you
[07.09.2014 12:03:46] LaVic1889: Thats commitment
[07.09.2014 12:04:03] LaVic1889: I want to be there when you need me.
[07.09.2014 12:04:45] KATIA: denial
[07.09.2014 12:05:31] LaVic1889: I wanted to be there for you from the beginning.
[07.09.2014 12:05:57] LaVic1889: I still want to be there for you
[07.09.2014 12:06:32] LaVic1889: Just dont ask another person like I am something disposable.
[07.09.2014 12:07:20] KATIA: I don't need any commitmens
[07.09.2014 12:07:39] LaVic1889: Does he live in russia ?
[07.09.2014 12:07:55] LaVic1889: My time figuring us out
[07.09.2014 12:08:05] LaVic1889: Really ?
[07.09.2014 12:08:50] LaVic1889: I wanted to talk to you and be on skype with you constantly
[07.09.2014 12:09:11] LaVic1889: I made my choice to fix our situation
[07.09.2014 12:09:28] KATIA: well, you are free not to be there for me
[07.09.2014 12:09:34] LaVic1889: It felt like you were busy having fun
[07.09.2014 12:09:41] KATIA: I can ask another person to be there for me
[07.09.2014 12:10:01] LaVic1889: When I misssed your call yesterday afternoon , I called you back.
[07.09.2014 12:10:19] KATIA: but if you are not there for me don't expect me to be there for you all the time or blame me for not being there when you needed me, that's all
[07.09.2014 12:10:46] LaVic1889: It was nice to hear you cared about me well being but you hung up so quickly
[07.09.2014 12:11:21] LaVic1889: I wanted to ask you how you were and what you were doing but u had already hung up
[07.09.2014 12:11:37] KATIA: well you sent me pictures of turtles
[07.09.2014 12:11:50] KATIA: he gave me his should to cry on
[07.09.2014 12:11:54] KATIA: lol shoulder
[07.09.2014 12:12:15] KATIA: and even if he was not there in person ,we would discuss things over the internet
[07.09.2014 12:12:30] KATIA: but you were having your time
[07.09.2014 12:12:44] KATIA: and now you are trying to blame distance for it
[07.09.2014 12:13:17] KATIA: well you should have been there for me instead of abandoning me to discuss our relations with your relatives
[07.09.2014 12:13:32] KATIA: you made your choice
[07.09.2014 12:13:47] LaVic1889: This was faaaarrr from normal. I wanted you to have fun and I didnt want to constantly bother you by asking whether or not you were ok or not, what you were doing, if you were enjoying yourself a not.
[07.09.2014 12:14:40] KATIA: well you did send the pics constantly
[07.09.2014 12:14:54] KATIA: and there was no message like Are you okay?
[07.09.2014 12:14:59] LaVic1889: You sayed so many times that I dont care but this was never the case. I always cared
[07.09.2014 12:15:07] LaVic1889: Yes I know
[07.09.2014 12:15:18] LaVic1889: When it isnt distracting
[07.09.2014 12:15:23] KATIA: you calling it caring
[07.09.2014 12:15:25] KATIA: ?
[07.09.2014 12:15:25] KATIA: i dont
[07.09.2014 12:15:48] KATIA: I was dying while you were discussing our problems with relatives
[07.09.2014 12:15:54] LaVic1889: Riiiiight
[07.09.2014 12:15:56] KATIA: and to you it's normal
[07.09.2014 12:16:05] LaVic1889: Not caring
[07.09.2014 12:16:33] LaVic1889: Person a wants to know how person b feels. Person a doesnt care
[07.09.2014 12:17:01] LaVic1889: Lol you got to be kidding me
[07.09.2014 12:17:15] LaVic1889: Lol what
[07.09.2014 12:17:45] LaVic1889: I send you a good morning. It seemed that you wanted your distance.
[07.09.2014 12:17:49] KATIA: it was in the beginning of theday
[07.09.2014 12:18:05] KATIA: ugh I m tired of it
[07.09.2014 12:18:19] KATIA: you think you are right? think whatever you want
[07.09.2014 12:18:25] KATIA: you are wrong in countless levels
[07.09.2014 12:18:32] KATIA: and you don't even want to realize it
[07.09.2014 12:18:40] LaVic1889: I had prepared a little happy birthday sign for you andcputcsome effort into it and all you could say was 'aww cute'
[07.09.2014 12:18:43] KATIA: so be it
[07.09.2014 12:19:02] KATIA: I don't have time to prove essential things to a person who is like that
[07.09.2014 12:19:25] KATIA: YES
[07.09.2014 12:19:30] LaVic1889: When I send you a happy birthday on skype all I got was 'tnx'
[07.09.2014 12:19:34] KATIA: But you sent pics!
[07.09.2014 12:19:45] KATIA: like if it was not distracting!
[07.09.2014 12:19:46] LaVic1889: No good morning or whats up
[07.09.2014 12:20:02] KATIA: and if you already distracting why didn't you think of asking if I was ok?
[07.09.2014 12:20:08] KATIA: call it whatever u want
[07.09.2014 12:20:10] KATIA: it's not caring
[07.09.2014 12:20:21] LaVic1889: Sounds like you just didnt really care at all about any of my efforts to make you happy
[07.09.2014 12:20:28] KATIA: it is unless I turn off my phone
[07.09.2014 12:20:43] KATIA: and other people actually worried about me you know
[07.09.2014 12:20:47] KATIA: so I could not
[07.09.2014 12:21:03] LaVic1889: Like you genuinely just didnt give a **** anymore because your mind was 'elsewhere'
[07.09.2014 12:21:21] KATIA: deny it whatever you want
[07.09.2014 12:21:34] KATIA: your caring is sending a **** instead of asking if I was still alive
[07.09.2014 12:21:38] KATIA: no wonder
[07.09.2014 12:21:46] KATIA: your definition of caring is sick
[07.09.2014 12:21:48] KATIA: crying is not caring
[07.09.2014 12:21:51] KATIA: caring is discussing
[07.09.2014 12:22:03] KATIA: oh screw you
[07.09.2014 12:22:18] LaVic1889: The same thing with kitty card ibsend you with the chocolate. No appreciation what so ever.
[07.09.2014 12:22:26] KATIA: you are sick and I don't want to explain it to you anymore
[07.09.2014 12:22:49] LaVic1889: Just how insane I must be to send 7 kg of chocolate
[07.09.2014 12:22:49] KATIA: guess you care but only about yourself
[07.09.2014 12:22:54] KATIA: in this sense, you are right
[07.09.2014 12:22:55] KATIA: bye
[07.09.2014 12:25:07] LaVic1889: Then when I am naughty toady you just call me a maniac. Nothing what I do, it doesn't matter how nice or naughty it might be satisfies you.
[07.09.2014 12:26:20] LaVic1889: Its either 'aww cute' with no follow up or 'you maniac' followed by a bitter hate filled diatribe
[07.09.2014 12:27:55] LaVic1889: And I just get baited into this negative conversation with you. You just saw the negative
[07.09.2014 12:28:36] LaVic1889: What about the part where I told you that you will receive a text message.
[07.09.2014 12:28:48] LaVic1889: You said noooothing about it
[07.09.2014 12:30:23] LaVic1889: I will remove my feelings from this situation from now on. Logic ftw
[07.09.2014 12:31:45] LaVic1889: I cried because you didnt give a **** anymore
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: For **** sake I wanted to be there for you
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I did respond and told you to not even think about this bull****
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: There is no way in hell I would have not help
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I ****ing called you repeaderly
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I am sorry for this
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: Jesus ****ing christ
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I do care very much
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I apologize from the depth of mheart
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I wanted to help you out yesterday
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: Cheer you up
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: But you didnt seem to care
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: So today I got carried and would think it would be ok
[07.09.2014 13:13:03] LaVic1889: Anyway, no matter what, I will always care for you.
[07.09.2014 13:51:27] KATIA: don't sent gifts if the only thing you re waiting for is my appreciation of it expressed in only way you expect it or smthn
[07.09.2014 13:51:34] KATIA: it's low
[07.09.2014 13:53:30] KATIA: oh man
[07.09.2014 13:54:32] KATIA: your view of relationship is truly disgusting and selfish
[07.09.2014 13:54:41] KATIA: and you try to cover it up with «care»
[07.09.2014 13:55:36] KATIA: so yea, I noticed how you said «I want to satisfy you so I can say Yes, Christoph, you re doing it right»
[07.09.2014 13:56:06] KATIA: Don't send gifts to anyone if the only thing you care is to get satisfaction out of this «caring» act and prove yourself what good bf you are
[07.09.2014 13:57:16] KATIA: You are not ready for this kind of relations I'm offering.
[07.09.2014 13:58:07] KATIA: It was wrong of me to think that you could be my partner, because you clearly are stuck in your emotions and traditional relations and expectations from them
[07.09.2014 13:58:59] KATIA: and your definition of «caring» is different from mine. I don't need any gifts neither I need an act of appreciation when I give gifts, I don't care about all these things because they fckn don't matter
[07.09.2014 14:00:19] KATIA: and you dare to call yourself different, and the question is : how different are you and in which things?
around 14:30 she called me on my smartphone he had gotten me and told me she wanted to break up with me but she did not want to do it over the phone but over Skype.
At this point in time I was totally shattered psychologically. I didn't feel like rushing into this especially given the state I was in.
[07.09.2014 23:55:54] KATIA: come on
Viber:
KATIA(19:11): You said soon enough and I waited
KATIA(19:16): So you are not going to be home anytime soon?
KATIA(23:08): =_=
KATIA(23:08): whats going on!!
KATIA(23:44): >: С
she calls at 23:45
KATIA (23:51): How do i even reach you?
KATIA (23:51): are you doing this on purpose or what
KATIA (23:51): Im worried !
September 8th (Monday)
Viber:
KATIA (00:44): Jesus
KATIA( 00.44): Are you live?
KATIA (00:44): Can you blink or something ?
KATIA (00:44): You need help ?
hours pass
KATIA (11:14): are you here ?
She called me 10 times on the phone , which I had turned off earlier.
Skype:
[08.09.2014 11:13:56] KATIA: are you here?
[08.09.2014 11:27:12] LaVic1889: Hey you
[08.09.2014 11:28:13] KATIA: pff
[08.09.2014 11:33:51] KATIA: okay, I won't even start
[08.09.2014 11:36:23] KATIA: have a good day
[08.09.2014 11:36:55] LaVic1889: I am on a walking tour (my friend took me on a walking tour of Berlin to help me stay semi-sane)
[08.09.2014 11:38:04] KATIA: I ve asked you to call me
[08.09.2014 11:38:29] KATIA: I have waited until 3 am and now you just ignored it and went out?
[08.09.2014 11:38:46] KATIA: and you promised to call me
[08.09.2014 11:46:35] LaVic1889: You really messed my head up I wont give you the benefit of dumping me on skype
[08.09.2014 11:47:07] KATIA: why could not you tell me that earlier?
[08.09.2014 11:47:11] KATIA: That you were not gonna call me?
[08.09.2014 11:47:16] KATIA: that I should not have waited?
[08.09.2014 11:49:02] KATIA: and I tried to reach you and wasted all my money on your voice mail or smthn and now you are giving me this?
[08.09.2014 11:49:15] KATIA: you are the biggest ******* Ive met in my whole life
[08.09.2014 11:50:51] LaVic1889: I have feelings too
[08.09.2014 11:51:03] KATIA: that's why I asked you to call me
[08.09.2014 11:51:08] KATIA: to ****ing discuss as you promised
[08.09.2014 11:51:17] KATIA: but you yet again decided for both of us what u gonna do
[08.09.2014 11:51:25] KATIA: and made me wait for nothing
[08.09.2014 11:51:36] KATIA: and broke your promise
[08.09.2014 11:52:50] LaVic1889: You are driving me crazy and I dont know what you want
[08.09.2014 11:52:54] KATIA: who do you think you are to treat me like that? To make promises and then not to call and make me worry? Who do you think you are to feed me bull**** about how you always gonna be there for me and just leaving without any notification when I needed you?
[08.09.2014 11:53:11] KATIA: so you decided to hurt my feelings in respond?
[08.09.2014 11:53:42] KATIA: how the fck I hurt you? That I want to break up? Damn, thats what I was talking about, that I can't even break up without a drama, like Im fckn obliged
[08.09.2014 11:54:17] KATIA: you are thirty ****in two and you act like a ten year old kid, W-T_F
[08.09.2014 11:54:44] KATIA: it's not me who is driving you crazy
[08.09.2014 11:54:53] KATIA: IT'S YOU YOURSELF WHO IS DRIVING YOURSELF CRAZY
[08.09.2014 11:54:59] KATIA: and I'm not gonna be a part of that ****
[08.09.2014 11:55:18] KATIA: I tried to be nice, I tried to discuss, I tried to have dialogs, but you decided to overthink and overanalyze alone
[08.09.2014 11:55:30] KATIA: so don't even try to blame this crap on me
[08.09.2014 12:01:50] KATIA: you are selfish as ****, Im sending all the gifts back
[08.09.2014 12:24:49] LaVic1889: Please can we both calm down and talk later. Im hurting too. Just need some air
[08.09.2014 12:24:56] KATIA: No we cant
[08.09.2014 12:25:04] KATIA: Im tired of this ****
[08.09.2014 12:25:17] KATIA: and you treating me like ****
[08.09.2014 12:25:24] KATIA: when Im trying to make things up
[08.09.2014 12:25:54] KATIA: - can you call me when you are at home? - Okay, I ll call you
and then - you know, I just decided not to call you because you hurt me
[08.09.2014 12:27:44] KATIA: and I didn't go to sleep until 3 am waiting for you!! and now you re saying it like if it was normal and okay to act like you acted, you didn't even apologize for flaking
[08.09.2014 12:29:51] KATIA: it's not my fault that you imagined yourself a person who you are not and will never be, I stated my position about relations and you decided to accept it just to moan later how Im hurting you?? and hurting me back??
[08.09.2014 12:33:21] LaVic1889: Can I call you when I get home. I am sorry for flaking. I wont this time ok. Yesterday was really bad for me too. I dont try ti hurt u on purpose
[08.09.2014 12:33:47] KATIA: and you want me to wait until 3am again so then you suddenly decide not to call me again because someone told you not to?
[08.09.2014 12:33:50] KATIA: fck no
[08.09.2014 12:34:15] KATIA: flake with someone else, you disrespectful human being
[08.09.2014 12:37:33] LaVic1889: Wat do u want from me
[08.09.2014 12:37:47] KATIA: nothing already
[08.09.2014 12:38:05] KATIA: I want you to realize that you ****ed it up yourself and no one else to blame
[08.09.2014 12:38:21] KATIA: so next time you think twice before acting like an ******* to someone who cares
end of part 1
Background Story:
I got to know this Russian Moscow girl (just turned 24) on may the 10th, a Ukrainian friend introduced me to her. Me (just turned 32) and her ended up talking for 5+ hours each day.
She ends up wanting to visit me in late June. I insist that late July would be better because then my semester would be over and i could give her my undivided attention. Anway, she insists to come in late June because her plans for the summer and I give in.
I pick her up at the Munich airport and we end up spending 3 days(Friday-Monday) at a hotel in Augsburg (my hometown) and she spends 2 day in Munich. I was busy at school at the time so I could not stay with her in Munich.
Once at the hotel she went to the bathroom and came out very revealing and with just a shower towel around herself , her left breast visible. She totally undressed and just lied down. For me this was the first time being with a "snow bunny " , so the experience was a little overwhelming. We had talked so much over Skype but still i was so overwhelmed. I had never been with a white girl before in a sexual way let alone with a person that was non restrictive about sexual matters. After 13 years of searching I had finally accomplished what I had wanted for so long, find a match that was just as open minded and crazy as I am.
While we were at the hotel in Augsburg she complained that i was not aggressive enough in bed (sexwise) but we could still be friends. That hurt a little but at the end of the trip things improved.
On Tuesday i met up with her at the airport to send her off . We had a good conversation.
After she had left, on the next day, I got a call from my former girlfriend (a Malaysian). While me and my former girlfriend talked i got a call from Katia. I told her that i would call her back and so i did 10 minutes later. When i called Katia back she was furious for letting her wait that long. She said she tolerates everything but not letting her wait or "ignoring" her like that.
So she decided to break up with me, which hurt quite a bit. In my panicked state i totally cut it off with my Malaysian former girlfriend.
Later that day i got a letter from the Russian how she loved me. I told her that I received her letter.
Eventually she came around and said that she overreacted and that she wanted to work things out.
We continued our relationship and she told me she loved me and wanted to be my wife. She ended up getting me a Android Galaxy s4 Smartphone for my birthday so we could stay in touch.
We had our ups and downs. Then her Latvian friend , which she had know for years decides to rent an apartment in Moscow over the weekend. She tells me about it. They end up spending 3 days together more or less.
she says said nothing happened besides him fondling her breasts and that she rejected him because she was with me. I don't really know if she was actually telling the truth. I could not verify it in any way.
She even send me pictures of her and the place and we chatted a bit while she was at that rented apartment.
Me and her are rather very open minded individuals and I wanted her to have fun. It still made me uncomfortable. I just didn't want her to leave me hanging. Anyway, things continued between us until 2 weeks ago.
I was supposed to visit her in Moscow from the 14 September until the 21st of September. Her parents would be out of town and i would stay at her place in Moscow.
That plan fell through because of some non sense talk from my grandmother about me not being able to leave the house unattended for a week. So i cancelled the flight
Katia had payed for the flight and got very upset when i told her all about it. I was and still am upset about this myself.
Anyhow, i asked her if i could come in October and she said she didn't know yet. Then she said that wouldn't be good because it would rain throughout October. I kinda considered that to be bull****.
Then she said she had made alternative plan for the week i was supposed to be there and that she would got to South Africa to visit her former long distance boyfriend there for a week starting September the 20th. This hurt quite a bit. At that point in time I was really on edge, nervous, excited, anxious for days on end. I ended up telling her that I would go to Berlin to visit my friend Brendon to clear my head. Eventually I asked her directly if she and her South African friend would end up having sex, she just replied with "erm mmmmmm ermm mmm". So i took that as a yes. I was crushed!
I am a pretty open minded individual but i would not just **** anyone without permission of my partner. It seemed to me that she was just doing out of spite and frustration because I did not come to Moscow in September.
I end up asking her again if i should come in October and she just says that she will be taking driving classes for three months with her friend starting in late September. She would have little to no time.
At that point in time i really did not know if we were in a relationship anymore and it made be on edge in a way i have never been before. It was insane. It felt like she was distancing herself from me more and more.
Then things imploded just epically, here is the chat log:
September 5th (Friday)
Skype:
[05.09.2014 13:10:15] KATIA: ugh
[05.09.2014 13:12:42] LaVic1889: what ?
[05.09.2014 13:12:51] KATIA: i feel so sad
[05.09.2014 13:13:10] LaVic1889: can i help to cheer you up ?
[05.09.2014 13:13:20] KATIA: I dunno how to cheer myself up
[05.09.2014 13:13:25] LaVic1889: jesus
[05.09.2014 13:13:33] LaVic1889: that makes me sad
[05.09.2014 13:13:39] KATIA: it's a nice day today and I don't have anything to do besides work
[05.09.2014 13:13:44] LaVic1889: ffs
[05.09.2014 13:13:56] LaVic1889: its warm here 2 and sorta nice
[05.09.2014 13:14:02] KATIA: you made me sad and guilty yesterday
[05.09.2014 13:14:10] LaVic1889: i apologize
[05.09.2014 13:14:24] LaVic1889: i really didnt mean to put this burden on you
[05.09.2014 13:14:57] LaVic1889: how can i change that ?
[05.09.2014 13:15:53] KATIA: how do I know?
[05.09.2014 13:16:04] KATIA: if I knew of course i would not be sad right now
[05.09.2014 13:16:10] LaVic1889: well i know what i have to do to make it right
[05.09.2014 13:16:27] LaVic1889: but it isnt an instantanious act
[05.09.2014 13:18:15] KATIA: pfft
[05.09.2014 13:18:44] LaVic1889: pffftt it doesnt take that long either
[05.09.2014 13:19:02] KATIA: I'm going to a driving school in the end of september
[05.09.2014 13:19:15] KATIA: so i ll be busy since then
[05.09.2014 13:20:18] LaVic1889: (y)
[05.09.2014 13:20:26] LaVic1889: when did you decide this ?
[05.09.2014 13:20:30] KATIA: yesterday
[05.09.2014 13:20:36] LaVic1889: when will you be done ?
[05.09.2014 13:21:12] LaVic1889: what moved you to make that decision ?
[05.09.2014 13:21:42] KATIA: 3 months
[05.09.2014 13:22:16] KATIA: I ve been thinking of it for a long time, but now my blonde friend told me she finally has money to go to study
[05.09.2014 13:22:19] KATIA: so we are going
[05.09.2014 13:22:35] LaVic1889: that might not be a bad idea
[05.09.2014 13:22:45] LaVic1889: will you have any time ?
[05.09.2014 13:23:12] LaVic1889: i mean free time
[05.09.2014 13:23:15] KATIA: not sure
[05.09.2014 13:23:33] KATIA: probably 3 times a week
[05.09.2014 13:24:22] LaVic1889: hmmm . if i come some time in october , i wonder if hat would work for you
[05.09.2014 13:24:57] KATIA: probably not
[05.09.2014 13:25:28] LaVic1889: any time ?
[05.09.2014 13:27:02] KATIA: some time, yes
[05.09.2014 13:27:31] LaVic1889: ok
[05.09.2014 13:27:50] KATIA: I'm sorry
[05.09.2014 13:28:41] LaVic1889: its ok
[05.09.2014 13:53:10] LaVic1889: i am going to the hospital, i will be back in a bit
[05.09.2014 13:58:57] KATIA: bye
[05.09.2014 15:14:38] LaVic1889: Back
[05.09.2014 15:15:57] KATIA: wb
[05.09.2014 15:17:21] LaVic1889: Ty
[05.09.2014 15:48:52] KATIA: wow you are quiet
[05.09.2014 15:48:59] LaVic1889: i am here
[05.09.2014 15:49:16] LaVic1889: whats up ?
[05.09.2014 15:49:45] KATIA: nthn just surprised by your silenceness!
[05.09.2014 15:49:55] LaVic1889: my bad :x
[05.09.2014 15:50:00] KATIA: i got high
[05.09.2014 15:50:03] LaVic1889: will you take a break ?
[05.09.2014 15:50:09] LaVic1889: high on what ?
[05.09.2014 15:50:14] KATIA: weed
[05.09.2014 15:50:14] LaVic1889: where are you ?
[05.09.2014 15:50:19] KATIA: on what else
[05.09.2014 15:50:21] KATIA: at home
[05.09.2014 15:50:36] LaVic1889: can u send me some xD
[05.09.2014 15:50:45] LaVic1889: i would really really need it right now
[05.09.2014 15:51:06] LaVic1889: maybe i need to get drunk
[05.09.2014 15:52:45] LaVic1889: what do you suggest ?
[05.09.2014 15:56:50] KATIA: how abooouuuut
[05.09.2014 15:56:55] KATIA: i call you and masturbate
[05.09.2014 15:57:01] LaVic1889: ok
[05.09.2014 15:57:03] KATIA: lol
[05.09.2014 15:58:16] LaVic1889: lol
[05.09.2014 15:59:51] LaVic1889: will you take a break ?
[05.09.2014 16:01:04] *** Anruf von KATIA beendet (Dauer 34:04). ***
[05.09.2014 16:37:26] KATIA: omg I'm sorry i gotta run
[05.09.2014 16:37:28] KATIA: urgent call
[05.09.2014 16:37:30] KATIA: love u (heart)
[05.09.2014 16:37:32] LaVic1889: ok
[05.09.2014 16:37:36] LaVic1889: love u (heart)
[05.09.2014 16:37:38] LaVic1889: have fun
[05.09.2014 16:37:50] KATIA: dont cum!
[05.09.2014 16:37:57] KATIA: i wanna continue when I'm back
[05.09.2014 16:38:01] LaVic1889: ok
[05.09.2014 16:38:09] LaVic1889: see u then
[05.09.2014 16:38:12] LaVic1889: (y)
[05.09.2014 16:46:25] KATIA: lol now i cried a little
[05.09.2014 16:46:34] LaVic1889: why ?
[05.09.2014 16:48:23] LaVic1889: come on
[05.09.2014 16:49:20] LaVic1889: you can tell me
[05.09.2014 17:46:31] KATIA: Im back
[05.09.2014 17:46:34] KATIA: Im sorry for that
[05.09.2014 17:47:14] LaVic1889: welcome back
[05.09.2014 17:47:30] LaVic1889: why did you cry
[05.09.2014 17:47:56] KATIA: because I'm also under a lot of stess
[05.09.2014 17:47:58] KATIA: r
[05.09.2014 17:49:00] LaVic1889: can you tell me ?
[05.09.2014 17:49:06] KATIA: id rather not
[05.09.2014 17:50:37] LaVic1889: is it because you think it would hurt me or is it because it would make you more worried about everything ?
[05.09.2014 17:50:44] KATIA: both
[05.09.2014 17:55:02] LaVic1889: what do you want to do ?
[05.09.2014 17:55:33] LaVic1889: now
[05.09.2014 17:57:19] LaVic1889: ill be back in a bit
[05.09.2014 18:01:54] KATIA: k
[05.09.2014 18:01:59] KATIA: i want nothing
[05.09.2014 18:35:53] KATIA: a bit has passed!
[05.09.2014 19:40:41] LaVic1889: yay !
[05.09.2014 19:48:53] LaVic1889: i hope you feel better soon
[05.09.2014 23:01:38] LaVic1889: (*)\o/(^)\o/(*)
[05.09.2014 23:02:03] LaVic1889: just so you dont forget , Happy Birthday (sun)
By then i had also received a package in the mail that she had ordered for me. It was custom made m & ms with her face on some of them and the phrase "I love you Stoph! " on others.
September 6th (her 24th Birthday - Saturday)
Skype:
[06.09.2014 10:57:05] KATIA: tnx
Viber:
Me (9:31): Good Morning !
I send an image of a Russian Happy Birthday greeting to her. I really put some effort into it.
KATIA (10:37): Aww Sweet
KATIA (11:40): Well looks like i need to move out
KATIA (11:48): The worst bday ever xD
KATIA (13:13): Is everything ok on your end ?
KATIA (13:40): Why are you not answering the phone ??
I had go on a bike ride to clear my head. I didn't want to pressure and ask her tough question and just thought she wanted some space.
Me (16:29): Having a good time?
KATIA (16:59): I had the worst time of my life
KATIA (16:59): Too bad I did not kill myself as intended a year ago
Me (17:13): Dont say **** like that
Me (17:13): I called you
Me (17:14): Let's talk
Me (17:14): I am heading home soon
Me (17:15): On my way
Me (17:15): You should not even think about these things
KATIA (17:35): I need to find an apartment to live
Me (17:36): Are your parents kicking you out?
KATIA (17:36): My suicide attempt and mental hospital was not the result of ex relations
KATIA (17:37): It's my mother's behavior
KATIA (17:37): Nah they are not kicking me xD
Me (17:37): Ha !
KATIA (17:37): But in this light my family is a burden
KATIA (17:38): Today could result in another suicide attempt
KATIA (17:38): I had to overdose my medicine to keep my mind clean
KATIA (17:39): Now I'm all drowsy
Me (17:38): We need to talk
Me (17:39): Dont be like that
KATIA (17:39): Sorry I'm meeting with my friend at the cafe
Me (17:39): Pause for a moment
KATIA (17:39): I ll text you when I'm done
Me (17:39): Ok
Me (17:39): Chill
Some time after that conversation I accidently butt dialed her.
KATIA (17:43): I told you I'm busy
KATIA (17:44): Please don't do this
KATIA (17:45): Please stop
KATIA (17:45): Or i ll switch the phone off
KATIA (17:56): Are you getting these messages?
Me (18:13): My bad
Me (18:13): Need to lock my phone
KATIA (18:13): ha ha yea I got it
KATIA (18:19): dont worry about me!
KATIA (18:19): everything s gonna be alright
KATIA (18:19): OK !
ME(18:32): Good !
ME (18:32): Yay !
At this point in time i send pictures of my relatives turtles, house ,etc. Some time had passed.
KATIA (20:02): Have a good night (I was really surprised at that statement, i expected her to want to talk!)
Me(19:47): You 2
KATIA (22:01): Finally I'm home
Me(23:15): Yay (i actually thought she had gone to bed already)
Me(23:15): how was your birthday ?
Me(23:16): awww asleep already (i realized that she went to bed already)
September 7th (Sunday)
To clear my head I decided to visit my friend in Berlin via train and stay there for a couple of days.
Viber:
ME (6:46): good morning
ME (6:46): I am really ...(explicit content)
At this point I sent an explicit picture of myself. - I had done that before and it had been perfectly fine. She had send me explicit pictures of herself as well several times.
ME (7:35): Sorry if I offended you
Skype:
[07.09.2014 06:03:53] LaVic1889: Katia , you were supposed to get something yesterday. They called you. The will send you a text message. Just to give you a heads up.
I was on the train up to Heilbad Heiligenstadt to meet up with my friend who lives in Berlin
The following log is somewhat out of sinc:
[07.09.2014 10:32:44] LaVic1889: Of course can your friend be there for you if he she lives there
[07.09.2014 10:33:58] LaVic1889: It was poor judgement to tink that you would in the mood for this right now given that you actually tried to kill yourself
[07.09.2014 10:34:23] LaVic1889: I am no maniac , freak or creep
[07.09.2014 10:34:58] LaVic1889: I would not just do this to anyone. It was my ill informed choice to do so
[07.09.2014 10:39:02] LaVic1889: I accept full responsibility. It seems that I just cant do anything right with. I am either too reserved or too out there. You have sent me pics explicit pix in the past too and I kept my cool although there were certain things that bothered me. I accept you for who you are and am willing and ready to work things out. I dont want us to go to waste.
[07.09.2014 10:39:53] LaVic1889: This kills me inside.
[07.09.2014 10:41:11] LaVic1889: I will not do this again
[07.09.2014 10:41:50] LaVic1889: Like I can do nothing right with you.
[07.09.2014 10:42:37] LaVic1889: I need to ask you something
[07.09.2014 10:43:56] LaVic1889: What ? What is my true nature ?
[07.09.2014 10:44:39] LaVic1889: I was there yesterday . The second I saw you called I stopped and dropped everything
[07.09.2014 10:45:13] LaVic1889: I took the situation very seriously
[07.09.2014 10:47:43] LaVic1889: The last few days have hell for me just to let you know. I had no ill intentions to hurt you or pressure you into anything. Even thou I was in great pain I did not give up in believing in us and still havent
[07.09.2014 10:50:15] KATIA: this is disgusting (this should be around 10:45)
[07.09.2014 10:51:01] LaVic1889: I know that I ****ed up today but dont just see what you want to see and call me a maniac. I got carried away and thought you would like it
since you have done the same in the past. To hear you say that I lost your respect and that you dont want to talk anymore shatters me and brings right back down to where I was yesterday and the days before.
[07.09.2014 10:51:06] KATIA: I felt so miserable yesterday and you were not there for me, but my friend was, and I wanted to end my life and the first thing I see from you today is how horny you are
[07.09.2014 10:51:19] KATIA: i want to vomit
[07.09.2014 10:51:42] KATIA: find yourself another sex toy
[07.09.2014 10:51:55] LaVic1889: The only reason I was out was to clear my head and alleviate the pain I was feeling for over a week now.
[07.09.2014 10:52:03] LaVic1889: It was ****ing hell
[07.09.2014 10:52:32] LaVic1889: I cried and cried
[07.09.2014 10:53:25] LaVic1889: I paced back and forth trying to figure out where we were going relationship wise
[07.09.2014 10:53:45] LaVic1889: I wasnt even sure anymore if we in a relationship
[07.09.2014 10:53:57] KATIA: wanted and was = different things
[07.09.2014 10:54:04] KATIA: you were not there for me
[07.09.2014 10:54:13] KATIA: and I could understand that
[07.09.2014 10:54:20] KATIA: you did not help
[07.09.2014 10:54:28] KATIA: But sending me a **** the next day
[07.09.2014 10:54:33] KATIA: what you were even thinking?
[07.09.2014 10:54:39] KATIA: I can understand your second gf now
[07.09.2014 10:54:54] KATIA: you truly are a maniac and I don't want to pay for that ****
[07.09.2014 10:55:03] KATIA: you made me cry with that
[07.09.2014 10:55:04] LaVic1889: I dont want to rant but this week has been the worst in a long long while. I havent felt like this in 10 years
[07.09.2014 10:55:08] KATIA: and you don't even care
[07.09.2014 10:55:28] KATIA: the most disgusting thing you could do
[07.09.2014 10:55:32] KATIA: showing no respect
[07.09.2014 10:55:33] KATIA: no feelings
[07.09.2014 10:55:35] KATIA: nothing
[07.09.2014 10:55:47] LaVic1889: When you send me the revealing pics on viber but thats not even the issue for me anymore
[07.09.2014 10:55:57] KATIA: i don't want to talk to you anymore
[07.09.2014 10:55:58] LaVic1889: Nooooo
[07.09.2014 10:56:06] KATIA: I've lost my respect
[07.09.2014 10:56:20] KATIA: and I don't want a partner who only thinks about masturbation when his partner is dying
[07.09.2014 10:57:07] LaVic1889: It take great care not to step on peoples toes or hurt them in anyway. Hold a sec
[07.09.2014 10:58:00] LaVic1889: I was crying because of us , my grandmother and all the mounting pressure. It was just too much all at once
[07.09.2014 10:58:45] LaVic1889: I thought you were feeling better since u explicitly said that yourself yesterday
[07.09.2014 10:59:30] LaVic1889: I had to ask for help elsewhere since you seemed so distant
[07.09.2014 11:00:06] LaVic1889: I didnt want risk you getting upset with me when you foundcout I was in this dysfunctional state
[07.09.2014 11:00:28] LaVic1889: Yes u did say eveything will be alright
[07.09.2014 11:00:46] LaVic1889: Yes!
[07.09.2014 11:01:30] LaVic1889: What I called you repradetky and wanted to know what was going on. I was worried ****less
[07.09.2014 11:05:23] KATIA: I don't want to hear these excuses
[07.09.2014 11:05:46] KATIA: Ive had long distance relations before and that person has always been there for me if something happened
[07.09.2014 11:05:56] KATIA: And I even bought you a phone to stay in touch
[07.09.2014 11:06:26] KATIA: but you use it to take pics of animals instead of staying in touch
[07.09.2014 11:06:29] KATIA: it's your choise
[07.09.2014 11:06:33] KATIA: *choice
[07.09.2014 11:06:46] KATIA: but the way you behaved the next day — don't even talk to me
[07.09.2014 11:06:54] KATIA: I'm sick to my stomach
[07.09.2014 11:07:18] KATIA: I only wished you showed your truly nature before I started these relations
[07.09.2014 11:10:35] KATIA: I'm not a sex toy and not your masturbation partner
[07.09.2014 11:10:42] KATIA: if you want this kind of relations, hire a ****
[07.09.2014 11:11:04] KATIA: and don't you dare to make me feel like one
[07.09.2014 11:11:35] KATIA: and Im waiting for your question
[07.09.2014 11:15:02] KATIA: I don't want to get involved with a person who only thinks with his **** and whose decisions and motivation are only driven by **** itself, I've got enough of that. This is so ****ing offensive the worst thing you could ever do to me right now
[07.09.2014 11:15:32] KATIA: and you, trying to justify yourself, is like how do you even dare to try to find a way to excuse yourself
I got carried away and thought you would like it since you have done the same in the past.
I did the same?
[07.09.2014 11:20:23] KATIA: when?
[07.09.2014 11:21:13] KATIA: when I called you to find out you were crying?
[07.09.2014 11:22:11] KATIA: or was I like, oh, you are worried because of you grandmother and you are crying? here, have a pic of my tits
[07.09.2014 11:23:03] KATIA: no it doesnt
[07.09.2014 11:23:23] KATIA: when you are explicitly told of their feelings and emotions
[07.09.2014 11:23:44] LaVic1889: To hear say these things that I didnt care hurts. You were on my mind 24 7 over the padt week. I had to leave the house not to break but I broke anyway several times
[07.09.2014 11:24:33] LaVic1889: It was this morning thinking that you were not emotionally compromised
[07.09.2014 11:25:25] KATIA: where did I say that?
[07.09.2014 11:25:29] LaVic1889: For the love of ****ing good do you actually know how I felt like this week , what state was and still am in
[07.09.2014 11:25:34] KATIA: I said that everything is going to be alright
[07.09.2014 11:26:04] KATIA: and it was at 8 pm
[07.09.2014 11:26:27] KATIA: and you didn't even care to see if it was alright
[07.09.2014 11:27:30] LaVic1889: I thought of ****ing you 24 7 this passed more than ever. The distance I felt and the sensation we were growing apart not knowing If I even was in a relationship with you.
[07.09.2014 11:28:10] KATIA: it was before I said that
[07.09.2014 11:28:26] KATIA: after that the only thing you did was sending your ****
[07.09.2014 11:28:40] KATIA: so don't even try how worried ****less you were
[07.09.2014 11:29:13] LaVic1889: I could barely sleep and eat anything. Pacing back and forth trying to figure our situation out. Trying to deal with my doubts and worries. I am yours no matter what.
[07.09.2014 11:29:36] LaVic1889: You werent
[07.09.2014 11:29:48] LaVic1889: Unbelieveable
[07.09.2014 11:29:53] KATIA: Okay, I don't want to hear that anymore
[07.09.2014 11:29:58] KATIA: it's bull**** piling up
[07.09.2014 11:30:20] KATIA: want to excuse yourself and think about yourself like if you did something for me yesterday — go ahead
[07.09.2014 11:30:22] LaVic1889: I put my feelings into our relationship from the start
[07.09.2014 11:31:08] LaVic1889: you think I am making these things up ?
[07.09.2014 11:31:17] LaVic1889: That I am faking it ?
[07.09.2014 11:32:28] LaVic1889: Well I am not and truuuully wished I was just imaginening these doubts and emotional pain
[07.09.2014 11:33:54] LaVic1889: I feeding you the truth on how I felt and still feel and you are making me feel like **** when you said that knowing I heard you this bad
[07.09.2014 11:34:08] KATIA: as I said I don't want to feel like a sex toy
[07.09.2014 11:34:20] KATIA: and now Im disgusted just to think of doing it with you
[07.09.2014 11:34:40] KATIA: as I said, you made me sick to my stomach
[07.09.2014 11:34:55] LaVic1889: I dont care if I get sex from you or not. For me It was never about sex for sex sake.
[07.09.2014 11:35:17] KATIA: sex is a delicate thing to me already, and you just made it worse because you only cared about your ****
[07.09.2014 11:35:21] KATIA: not even about my state
[07.09.2014 11:35:28] KATIA: not even if I was still ****ing alive
[07.09.2014 11:35:37] KATIA: and you are feeding all this bull**** to me right now
[07.09.2014 11:35:46] KATIA: I will never **** you again
[07.09.2014 11:36:03] KATIA: take it or leave it
[07.09.2014 11:36:04] LaVic1889: It feels like I should have remained my reserved self and not have anything intimate with eachother knowing that we could both be hurt pretty badly
[07.09.2014 11:36:22] LaVic1889: I wanted a partner not a ****ing sex toy
[07.09.2014 11:38:01] LaVic1889: You saying that you didnt care if I had sex with other girls hurt me a lot. I didnt say much about because I didnt want you to be upset or worried.
[07.09.2014 11:38:08] KATIA: I mean, I won't be able to even if I wanted
[07.09.2014 11:38:18] KATIA: not to mention that I don't want it anymore
[07.09.2014 11:38:33] LaVic1889: When you said that it just seemed that you really didnt give a **** about us
[07.09.2014 11:39:30] LaVic1889: When you hinted that you might have sex with your south african friend it killed me inside.
[07.09.2014 11:40:30] LaVic1889: Its like 'stoph wont be able to make it to moscow when I want him to come , so I need to look elsewhere to compensate,'
[07.09.2014 11:40:37] LaVic1889: Wtf!!!!!
[07.09.2014 11:41:24] LaVic1889: I didnt and dont want to pressure you about these things and want you to be free
[07.09.2014 11:41:46] LaVic1889: Without having to worry about me getting hurt
[07.09.2014 11:42:45] LaVic1889: I thoroughly thougbt about what we talked about the previous 3 days and I came to realize that I would total sense not be upset about it.
[07.09.2014 11:44:07] LaVic1889: I just realized that I am just like you in this and pretended that I wanted something conventional deep down inside me.
[07.09.2014 11:44:40] LaVic1889: Conventional will never work for me I know this now
[07.09.2014 11:45:25] LaVic1889: In that sense I believe now thats one of the stronger parts that attracts me to you
[07.09.2014 11:45:50] KATIA: well, that's a problem
[07.09.2014 11:45:56] KATIA: how you want to be someone you are not
[07.09.2014 11:46:23] KATIA: you do
[07.09.2014 11:46:26] LaVic1889: Relationship wise you would not look down on me if I had something with someone else as long as I loved you and was committed to you
[07.09.2014 11:46:35] KATIA: you are faking your personality
[07.09.2014 11:46:39] KATIA: thats what you are doing
[07.09.2014 11:47:15] KATIA: oh I share your point of view because Im open minded like that, but I ll just go cry about it
[07.09.2014 11:47:24] KATIA: it's not even close to open mindeness
[07.09.2014 11:47:27] KATIA: so stop fakin it
[07.09.2014 11:47:50] KATIA: you re an ordinary over-emotional guy who wanted his gf to be chained to his leg otherwise it hurts
[07.09.2014 11:48:23] KATIA: I don't want to hurt no one, I want a partner who shares my views on life
[07.09.2014 11:48:49] KATIA: for you having sex with one person means care
[07.09.2014 11:48:53] KATIA: for me it means nothing
[07.09.2014 11:48:57] KATIA: because I know what caring is
[07.09.2014 11:49:18] KATIA: and Im over that kind of relations society wants me to have
[07.09.2014 11:49:24] KATIA: because it's convinient
[07.09.2014 11:49:48] KATIA: Ive told you that from the beginning and you still decided to get into relations with e
[07.09.2014 11:49:49] KATIA: *me
[07.09.2014 11:49:51] KATIA: you knew it
[07.09.2014 11:49:55] KATIA: so why are you crying now?
I am fully committed to you. I talked to my extended family about us to get some advice because it was just growing over my head. I am yours and hope you can be mine. From the very beginning once I got serious I started to consider you a potential mate.
[07.09.2014 11:53:29] LaVic1889: I have talked to people that have more experience in this, people that have 50 years of marriage experience and they gave me valuable advice. They even wanted me to introduce you to them when you come or I bring you to augsburg. They also offered to look after the house everyday
[07.09.2014 11:56:57] LaVic1889: yesterday while I was out and about with these people , my relatives, on the bike I thought that we needed an open and Frank discussion very soon to find out what we truly wanted and what kind of people we truly are. I eventually decided not to say anything tomorrow. I didnt want to press the issue and have you worry even more.
[07.09.2014 11:57:23] LaVic1889: My personality isnt fake
[07.09.2014 11:58:17] LaVic1889: I just ignored the fact that if roles were reversed and I was less emotional I would do the same. I am no angel
[07.09.2014 11:59:30] LaVic1889: Ppfff no
[07.09.2014 11:59:38] LaVic1889: Just no
[07.09.2014 12:00:40] LaVic1889: I was just fooling myself to believe that I wouldnt dobthe same and be ok with it.
[07.09.2014 12:00:44] LaVic1889: Bull****
[07.09.2014 12:01:16] LaVic1889: The only worry I had was to lose you
[07.09.2014 12:01:16] KATIA: yea you discuss things with everyone but me
[07.09.2014 12:01:33] LaVic1889: You may do whatever you want
[07.09.2014 12:01:40] KATIA: because you decided to fake your personality to keep me
[07.09.2014 12:01:47] KATIA: so it's better cry than discuss things
[07.09.2014 12:01:50] KATIA: good fckn job
[07.09.2014 12:01:53] KATIA: in losing me
[07.09.2014 12:02:12] LaVic1889: I know that I am fully committed to you. That is just a fact
[07.09.2014 12:02:17] KATIA: it is
[07.09.2014 12:02:28] KATIA: it's not the first time you re saying this
[07.09.2014 12:02:42] KATIA: like how you are up for relations like that and how you get my point
[07.09.2014 12:02:45] KATIA: and then you cry
[07.09.2014 12:02:46] KATIA: everytime
[07.09.2014 12:02:52] KATIA: it's called faking
[07.09.2014 12:02:56] LaVic1889: Exactly
[07.09.2014 12:02:58] KATIA: and I don't need a partner like that
[07.09.2014 12:03:11] LaVic1889: So it seems now
[07.09.2014 12:03:12] KATIA: who is faking their personality just to have someone to send his **** to
[07.09.2014 12:03:26] LaVic1889: But then I am somewhat confused
[07.09.2014 12:03:36] LaVic1889: You want me to be there for you
[07.09.2014 12:03:46] LaVic1889: Thats commitment
[07.09.2014 12:04:03] LaVic1889: I want to be there when you need me.
[07.09.2014 12:04:45] KATIA: denial
[07.09.2014 12:05:31] LaVic1889: I wanted to be there for you from the beginning.
[07.09.2014 12:05:57] LaVic1889: I still want to be there for you
[07.09.2014 12:06:32] LaVic1889: Just dont ask another person like I am something disposable.
[07.09.2014 12:07:20] KATIA: I don't need any commitmens
[07.09.2014 12:07:39] LaVic1889: Does he live in russia ?
[07.09.2014 12:07:55] LaVic1889: My time figuring us out
[07.09.2014 12:08:05] LaVic1889: Really ?
[07.09.2014 12:08:50] LaVic1889: I wanted to talk to you and be on skype with you constantly
[07.09.2014 12:09:11] LaVic1889: I made my choice to fix our situation
[07.09.2014 12:09:28] KATIA: well, you are free not to be there for me
[07.09.2014 12:09:34] LaVic1889: It felt like you were busy having fun
[07.09.2014 12:09:41] KATIA: I can ask another person to be there for me
[07.09.2014 12:10:01] LaVic1889: When I misssed your call yesterday afternoon , I called you back.
[07.09.2014 12:10:19] KATIA: but if you are not there for me don't expect me to be there for you all the time or blame me for not being there when you needed me, that's all
[07.09.2014 12:10:46] LaVic1889: It was nice to hear you cared about me well being but you hung up so quickly
[07.09.2014 12:11:21] LaVic1889: I wanted to ask you how you were and what you were doing but u had already hung up
[07.09.2014 12:11:37] KATIA: well you sent me pictures of turtles
[07.09.2014 12:11:50] KATIA: he gave me his should to cry on
[07.09.2014 12:11:54] KATIA: lol shoulder
[07.09.2014 12:12:15] KATIA: and even if he was not there in person ,we would discuss things over the internet
[07.09.2014 12:12:30] KATIA: but you were having your time
[07.09.2014 12:12:44] KATIA: and now you are trying to blame distance for it
[07.09.2014 12:13:17] KATIA: well you should have been there for me instead of abandoning me to discuss our relations with your relatives
[07.09.2014 12:13:32] KATIA: you made your choice
[07.09.2014 12:13:47] LaVic1889: This was faaaarrr from normal. I wanted you to have fun and I didnt want to constantly bother you by asking whether or not you were ok or not, what you were doing, if you were enjoying yourself a not.
[07.09.2014 12:14:40] KATIA: well you did send the pics constantly
[07.09.2014 12:14:54] KATIA: and there was no message like Are you okay?
[07.09.2014 12:14:59] LaVic1889: You sayed so many times that I dont care but this was never the case. I always cared
[07.09.2014 12:15:07] LaVic1889: Yes I know
[07.09.2014 12:15:18] LaVic1889: When it isnt distracting
[07.09.2014 12:15:23] KATIA: you calling it caring
[07.09.2014 12:15:25] KATIA: ?
[07.09.2014 12:15:25] KATIA: i dont
[07.09.2014 12:15:48] KATIA: I was dying while you were discussing our problems with relatives
[07.09.2014 12:15:54] LaVic1889: Riiiiight
[07.09.2014 12:15:56] KATIA: and to you it's normal
[07.09.2014 12:16:05] LaVic1889: Not caring
[07.09.2014 12:16:33] LaVic1889: Person a wants to know how person b feels. Person a doesnt care
[07.09.2014 12:17:01] LaVic1889: Lol you got to be kidding me
[07.09.2014 12:17:15] LaVic1889: Lol what
[07.09.2014 12:17:45] LaVic1889: I send you a good morning. It seemed that you wanted your distance.
[07.09.2014 12:17:49] KATIA: it was in the beginning of theday
[07.09.2014 12:18:05] KATIA: ugh I m tired of it
[07.09.2014 12:18:19] KATIA: you think you are right? think whatever you want
[07.09.2014 12:18:25] KATIA: you are wrong in countless levels
[07.09.2014 12:18:32] KATIA: and you don't even want to realize it
[07.09.2014 12:18:40] LaVic1889: I had prepared a little happy birthday sign for you andcputcsome effort into it and all you could say was 'aww cute'
[07.09.2014 12:18:43] KATIA: so be it
[07.09.2014 12:19:02] KATIA: I don't have time to prove essential things to a person who is like that
[07.09.2014 12:19:25] KATIA: YES
[07.09.2014 12:19:30] LaVic1889: When I send you a happy birthday on skype all I got was 'tnx'
[07.09.2014 12:19:34] KATIA: But you sent pics!
[07.09.2014 12:19:45] KATIA: like if it was not distracting!
[07.09.2014 12:19:46] LaVic1889: No good morning or whats up
[07.09.2014 12:20:02] KATIA: and if you already distracting why didn't you think of asking if I was ok?
[07.09.2014 12:20:08] KATIA: call it whatever u want
[07.09.2014 12:20:10] KATIA: it's not caring
[07.09.2014 12:20:21] LaVic1889: Sounds like you just didnt really care at all about any of my efforts to make you happy
[07.09.2014 12:20:28] KATIA: it is unless I turn off my phone
[07.09.2014 12:20:43] KATIA: and other people actually worried about me you know
[07.09.2014 12:20:47] KATIA: so I could not
[07.09.2014 12:21:03] LaVic1889: Like you genuinely just didnt give a **** anymore because your mind was 'elsewhere'
[07.09.2014 12:21:21] KATIA: deny it whatever you want
[07.09.2014 12:21:34] KATIA: your caring is sending a **** instead of asking if I was still alive
[07.09.2014 12:21:38] KATIA: no wonder
[07.09.2014 12:21:46] KATIA: your definition of caring is sick
[07.09.2014 12:21:48] KATIA: crying is not caring
[07.09.2014 12:21:51] KATIA: caring is discussing
[07.09.2014 12:22:03] KATIA: oh screw you
[07.09.2014 12:22:18] LaVic1889: The same thing with kitty card ibsend you with the chocolate. No appreciation what so ever.
[07.09.2014 12:22:26] KATIA: you are sick and I don't want to explain it to you anymore
[07.09.2014 12:22:49] LaVic1889: Just how insane I must be to send 7 kg of chocolate
[07.09.2014 12:22:49] KATIA: guess you care but only about yourself
[07.09.2014 12:22:54] KATIA: in this sense, you are right
[07.09.2014 12:22:55] KATIA: bye
[07.09.2014 12:25:07] LaVic1889: Then when I am naughty toady you just call me a maniac. Nothing what I do, it doesn't matter how nice or naughty it might be satisfies you.
[07.09.2014 12:26:20] LaVic1889: Its either 'aww cute' with no follow up or 'you maniac' followed by a bitter hate filled diatribe
[07.09.2014 12:27:55] LaVic1889: And I just get baited into this negative conversation with you. You just saw the negative
[07.09.2014 12:28:36] LaVic1889: What about the part where I told you that you will receive a text message.
[07.09.2014 12:28:48] LaVic1889: You said noooothing about it
[07.09.2014 12:30:23] LaVic1889: I will remove my feelings from this situation from now on. Logic ftw
[07.09.2014 12:31:45] LaVic1889: I cried because you didnt give a **** anymore
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: For **** sake I wanted to be there for you
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I did respond and told you to not even think about this bull****
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: There is no way in hell I would have not help
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I ****ing called you repeaderly
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I am sorry for this
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: Jesus ****ing christ
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I do care very much
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I apologize from the depth of mheart
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: I wanted to help you out yesterday
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: Cheer you up
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: But you didnt seem to care
[07.09.2014 12:48:38] LaVic1889: So today I got carried and would think it would be ok
[07.09.2014 13:13:03] LaVic1889: Anyway, no matter what, I will always care for you.
[07.09.2014 13:51:27] KATIA: don't sent gifts if the only thing you re waiting for is my appreciation of it expressed in only way you expect it or smthn
[07.09.2014 13:51:34] KATIA: it's low
[07.09.2014 13:53:30] KATIA: oh man
[07.09.2014 13:54:32] KATIA: your view of relationship is truly disgusting and selfish
[07.09.2014 13:54:41] KATIA: and you try to cover it up with «care»
[07.09.2014 13:55:36] KATIA: so yea, I noticed how you said «I want to satisfy you so I can say Yes, Christoph, you re doing it right»
[07.09.2014 13:56:06] KATIA: Don't send gifts to anyone if the only thing you care is to get satisfaction out of this «caring» act and prove yourself what good bf you are
[07.09.2014 13:57:16] KATIA: You are not ready for this kind of relations I'm offering.
[07.09.2014 13:58:07] KATIA: It was wrong of me to think that you could be my partner, because you clearly are stuck in your emotions and traditional relations and expectations from them
[07.09.2014 13:58:59] KATIA: and your definition of «caring» is different from mine. I don't need any gifts neither I need an act of appreciation when I give gifts, I don't care about all these things because they fckn don't matter
[07.09.2014 14:00:19] KATIA: and you dare to call yourself different, and the question is : how different are you and in which things?
around 14:30 she called me on my smartphone he had gotten me and told me she wanted to break up with me but she did not want to do it over the phone but over Skype.
At this point in time I was totally shattered psychologically. I didn't feel like rushing into this especially given the state I was in.
[07.09.2014 23:55:54] KATIA: come on
Viber:
KATIA(19:11): You said soon enough and I waited
KATIA(19:16): So you are not going to be home anytime soon?
KATIA(23:08): =_=
KATIA(23:08): whats going on!!
KATIA(23:44): >: С
she calls at 23:45
KATIA (23:51): How do i even reach you?
KATIA (23:51): are you doing this on purpose or what
KATIA (23:51): Im worried !
September 8th (Monday)
Viber:
KATIA (00:44): Jesus
KATIA( 00.44): Are you live?
KATIA (00:44): Can you blink or something ?
KATIA (00:44): You need help ?
hours pass
KATIA (11:14): are you here ?
She called me 10 times on the phone , which I had turned off earlier.
Skype:
[08.09.2014 11:13:56] KATIA: are you here?
[08.09.2014 11:27:12] LaVic1889: Hey you
[08.09.2014 11:28:13] KATIA: pff
[08.09.2014 11:33:51] KATIA: okay, I won't even start
[08.09.2014 11:36:23] KATIA: have a good day
[08.09.2014 11:36:55] LaVic1889: I am on a walking tour (my friend took me on a walking tour of Berlin to help me stay semi-sane)
[08.09.2014 11:38:04] KATIA: I ve asked you to call me
[08.09.2014 11:38:29] KATIA: I have waited until 3 am and now you just ignored it and went out?
[08.09.2014 11:38:46] KATIA: and you promised to call me
[08.09.2014 11:46:35] LaVic1889: You really messed my head up I wont give you the benefit of dumping me on skype
[08.09.2014 11:47:07] KATIA: why could not you tell me that earlier?
[08.09.2014 11:47:11] KATIA: That you were not gonna call me?
[08.09.2014 11:47:16] KATIA: that I should not have waited?
[08.09.2014 11:49:02] KATIA: and I tried to reach you and wasted all my money on your voice mail or smthn and now you are giving me this?
[08.09.2014 11:49:15] KATIA: you are the biggest ******* Ive met in my whole life
[08.09.2014 11:50:51] LaVic1889: I have feelings too
[08.09.2014 11:51:03] KATIA: that's why I asked you to call me
[08.09.2014 11:51:08] KATIA: to ****ing discuss as you promised
[08.09.2014 11:51:17] KATIA: but you yet again decided for both of us what u gonna do
[08.09.2014 11:51:25] KATIA: and made me wait for nothing
[08.09.2014 11:51:36] KATIA: and broke your promise
[08.09.2014 11:52:50] LaVic1889: You are driving me crazy and I dont know what you want
[08.09.2014 11:52:54] KATIA: who do you think you are to treat me like that? To make promises and then not to call and make me worry? Who do you think you are to feed me bull**** about how you always gonna be there for me and just leaving without any notification when I needed you?
[08.09.2014 11:53:11] KATIA: so you decided to hurt my feelings in respond?
[08.09.2014 11:53:42] KATIA: how the fck I hurt you? That I want to break up? Damn, thats what I was talking about, that I can't even break up without a drama, like Im fckn obliged
[08.09.2014 11:54:17] KATIA: you are thirty ****in two and you act like a ten year old kid, W-T_F
[08.09.2014 11:54:44] KATIA: it's not me who is driving you crazy
[08.09.2014 11:54:53] KATIA: IT'S YOU YOURSELF WHO IS DRIVING YOURSELF CRAZY
[08.09.2014 11:54:59] KATIA: and I'm not gonna be a part of that ****
[08.09.2014 11:55:18] KATIA: I tried to be nice, I tried to discuss, I tried to have dialogs, but you decided to overthink and overanalyze alone
[08.09.2014 11:55:30] KATIA: so don't even try to blame this crap on me
[08.09.2014 12:01:50] KATIA: you are selfish as ****, Im sending all the gifts back
[08.09.2014 12:24:49] LaVic1889: Please can we both calm down and talk later. Im hurting too. Just need some air
[08.09.2014 12:24:56] KATIA: No we cant
[08.09.2014 12:25:04] KATIA: Im tired of this ****
[08.09.2014 12:25:17] KATIA: and you treating me like ****
[08.09.2014 12:25:24] KATIA: when Im trying to make things up
[08.09.2014 12:25:54] KATIA: - can you call me when you are at home? - Okay, I ll call you
and then - you know, I just decided not to call you because you hurt me
[08.09.2014 12:27:44] KATIA: and I didn't go to sleep until 3 am waiting for you!! and now you re saying it like if it was normal and okay to act like you acted, you didn't even apologize for flaking
[08.09.2014 12:29:51] KATIA: it's not my fault that you imagined yourself a person who you are not and will never be, I stated my position about relations and you decided to accept it just to moan later how Im hurting you?? and hurting me back??
[08.09.2014 12:33:21] LaVic1889: Can I call you when I get home. I am sorry for flaking. I wont this time ok. Yesterday was really bad for me too. I dont try ti hurt u on purpose
[08.09.2014 12:33:47] KATIA: and you want me to wait until 3am again so then you suddenly decide not to call me again because someone told you not to?
[08.09.2014 12:33:50] KATIA: fck no
[08.09.2014 12:34:15] KATIA: flake with someone else, you disrespectful human being
[08.09.2014 12:37:33] LaVic1889: Wat do u want from me
[08.09.2014 12:37:47] KATIA: nothing already
[08.09.2014 12:38:05] KATIA: I want you to realize that you ****ed it up yourself and no one else to blame
[08.09.2014 12:38:21] KATIA: so next time you think twice before acting like an ******* to someone who cares
end of part 1
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment