I'm new here and I am struggling with my marriage lately and just need some place to talk about it.
I'm 43 and my wife is 50. We have been together for 20 years. We don't have kids together, but when we met she was divorced with a 10 year old son. He's 30 now and lives nearly 1000 miles away.
For a number of years now I have been feeling that my wife is more of a roommate than a soulmate. We don't argue much and we are good friends, but that is about all. Lately there is no sexual desire on either side. Things really started the downward slide about six years ago. My wife was a petite brunette little 30 year old hottie when we met. When we first started dating she had a job that required her to dress up. Man did I love seeing her every day in her sexy little business outfits and high heels:D Sex was great. We did it all the time, even with having her son living with us. Over the years the frequency of sex has decreased. When I would bring it up to her, she would tell me that it was simply how things were. That ALL couples have less sex the longer they are together. I believed it. So back to my story. Six years ago my wife lost her job. Luckily I had a very good job and was able to support us on my income. She seemed to be happy to be a housewife and I liked having my wife at home. it was like I was living the Donna Reed show. Clean house, well dressed wife waiting for me with dinner every night, and renewed action in the bedroom. As time went on, she simply gave up looking for a new job and settled into her routine. She suffers from depression, and personally I see her as becoming more withdrawn. The house cleaning all but stopped. I go to work to pay the bills and I either have to come home to a dirty house or do the work myself. But the worst part in my mind (and I feel like an absolutely terrible person for saying this) is that she really let herself go. Now most days she doesn't even get dressed. Her outfit consists of a holey faded t-shirt, sweat pants, and grungy old slippers. In the winter she throws a ratty old bath robe over it. No makeup, no jewelery, maybe showers once a week and her hair always look dirty. She's also about 40 pounds overweight. I know it makes me sound shallow and superficial, b ut I have a hard time getting turned on by that. In the beginning of the end of sex, I was always horny and she was rarely if ever interested. Now, the rare times she does want sex, I am turned off by her appearance. Her depression also depresses me. It's been nearly two years since the last time we had sex. We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore.
At some point I guess I just started to accept my lot in life. I vowed to honor and obey for as long as I shall live...... I accepted a life of little to no sex from here on out. But then things changed recently. First of all, I think some of my feelings are mid-life crisis. I feel like life is passing me by and my unhappy marriage is making me anxious. Second, last year a sexy mid 40's to early 50's-ish (I don't ask a lady her age) divorced woman started working in my office. I was immediately attracted to her-especially her fit, sexy legs. She's a stunning dresser and a very nice lady. She has two sons in their early 20's. We work in different departments so we have no valid work reason to interact, but I went out of my way to introduce myself to her. We have gotten to be pretty good friends over the past few months, but the thing is, I want more. It makes me feel terrible because I am a married man. I have never in 20 years cheated on my wife, but I still feel like I am cheating because not only am I friends with a woman who is not my wife, but I have serious thoughts of intimacy with this other woman. Thoughts and feelings I vowed to have only for my wife. Now I have never broached the subject of how I feel to this other woman. After all, I am married, and seeing how she is divorced, I don't want to come off like a pig if say, her ex had cheated on her and ended her marriage. I don't really want to have an affair. I think it is wrong and it doesn't speak much to my character (or hers if she is knowingly sleeping with a married man).
I have given consideration to divorce, but despite there being no spark between us and despite the fact that I don't find her sexually attractive anyomre, I still love my wife. I have spent most of my adult life with this woman. But how can I stay married to her if I am having feelings for another woman? My wife would be absolutely crushed if I left her, especially since her first husband left her for another woman. Fear of being alone also keeps me in the marriage. I went from my parents, to college, to my wife. At 43 years of age, I have never truly had to go at life on my own. Maybe I am being foolish because I don't know if this other woman even coniders being more than friends. I could leave my wife and end up with nothing. But if I am having thoughts about other women, should I even be with my wife anymore anyway? I really don't know what to do, but I do know that doing nothing will change nothing. I also can't see going the rest of my life with no more sex.< /div>
I'm 43 and my wife is 50. We have been together for 20 years. We don't have kids together, but when we met she was divorced with a 10 year old son. He's 30 now and lives nearly 1000 miles away.
For a number of years now I have been feeling that my wife is more of a roommate than a soulmate. We don't argue much and we are good friends, but that is about all. Lately there is no sexual desire on either side. Things really started the downward slide about six years ago. My wife was a petite brunette little 30 year old hottie when we met. When we first started dating she had a job that required her to dress up. Man did I love seeing her every day in her sexy little business outfits and high heels:D Sex was great. We did it all the time, even with having her son living with us. Over the years the frequency of sex has decreased. When I would bring it up to her, she would tell me that it was simply how things were. That ALL couples have less sex the longer they are together. I believed it. So back to my story. Six years ago my wife lost her job. Luckily I had a very good job and was able to support us on my income. She seemed to be happy to be a housewife and I liked having my wife at home. it was like I was living the Donna Reed show. Clean house, well dressed wife waiting for me with dinner every night, and renewed action in the bedroom. As time went on, she simply gave up looking for a new job and settled into her routine. She suffers from depression, and personally I see her as becoming more withdrawn. The house cleaning all but stopped. I go to work to pay the bills and I either have to come home to a dirty house or do the work myself. But the worst part in my mind (and I feel like an absolutely terrible person for saying this) is that she really let herself go. Now most days she doesn't even get dressed. Her outfit consists of a holey faded t-shirt, sweat pants, and grungy old slippers. In the winter she throws a ratty old bath robe over it. No makeup, no jewelery, maybe showers once a week and her hair always look dirty. She's also about 40 pounds overweight. I know it makes me sound shallow and superficial, b ut I have a hard time getting turned on by that. In the beginning of the end of sex, I was always horny and she was rarely if ever interested. Now, the rare times she does want sex, I am turned off by her appearance. Her depression also depresses me. It's been nearly two years since the last time we had sex. We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore.
At some point I guess I just started to accept my lot in life. I vowed to honor and obey for as long as I shall live...... I accepted a life of little to no sex from here on out. But then things changed recently. First of all, I think some of my feelings are mid-life crisis. I feel like life is passing me by and my unhappy marriage is making me anxious. Second, last year a sexy mid 40's to early 50's-ish (I don't ask a lady her age) divorced woman started working in my office. I was immediately attracted to her-especially her fit, sexy legs. She's a stunning dresser and a very nice lady. She has two sons in their early 20's. We work in different departments so we have no valid work reason to interact, but I went out of my way to introduce myself to her. We have gotten to be pretty good friends over the past few months, but the thing is, I want more. It makes me feel terrible because I am a married man. I have never in 20 years cheated on my wife, but I still feel like I am cheating because not only am I friends with a woman who is not my wife, but I have serious thoughts of intimacy with this other woman. Thoughts and feelings I vowed to have only for my wife. Now I have never broached the subject of how I feel to this other woman. After all, I am married, and seeing how she is divorced, I don't want to come off like a pig if say, her ex had cheated on her and ended her marriage. I don't really want to have an affair. I think it is wrong and it doesn't speak much to my character (or hers if she is knowingly sleeping with a married man).
I have given consideration to divorce, but despite there being no spark between us and despite the fact that I don't find her sexually attractive anyomre, I still love my wife. I have spent most of my adult life with this woman. But how can I stay married to her if I am having feelings for another woman? My wife would be absolutely crushed if I left her, especially since her first husband left her for another woman. Fear of being alone also keeps me in the marriage. I went from my parents, to college, to my wife. At 43 years of age, I have never truly had to go at life on my own. Maybe I am being foolish because I don't know if this other woman even coniders being more than friends. I could leave my wife and end up with nothing. But if I am having thoughts about other women, should I even be with my wife anymore anyway? I really don't know what to do, but I do know that doing nothing will change nothing. I also can't see going the rest of my life with no more sex.< /div>
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