Hi there TAM!
I wanted to voice a somewhat complex issue that is on my mind, and get some advice for increasing my sexual attraction to a person I am already intellectually and emotionally attracted to. I am a physically healthy and mentally happy female in my 20s in a relationship with a great guy and headed towards marriage.
However, when it comes to sexual attraction, I'm missing something. Fact is, I never have been sexually attracted to anyone, male or female, real or fictional, crush or celebrity. As such, I am also not sexually attracted to my SO. All my past crushes on people were strictly platonic. They were intense and obsessive, but never sexual in nature. I never fantasized that a crush would rip off my clothes and ravish me, or vice versa, and the thought of a crush would never make me horny.
And so, while my SO has an adorable stiffy when he sees me, I lack the corresponding stirring in my loins when I see him, or think of him. My ego is pleased that I turn him on, but my lady parts can't seem to reciprocate with a physical response. I am generally a happy person with a positive self-image.
I am getting troubled that I am never sexually aroused by my guy, because right now my enthusiasm for sex is almost purely intellectual, and I know this isn't sustainable over the long run. I have already caught myself feeling, for fleeting instances, that sex is a chore mainly for his benefit, because I am never aching for sex with him. I always enthusiastically participate in sex because it's fun, but I don't feel 100% honest in my enthusiasm. Part of this is because our sex is not consistently physically pleasurable for me, but I already know what we have to work on in the physical stimulation department.
I want to be genuinely physically passionate in my relationship without faking it. But I don't actually sexually desire him. I don't physically desire anyone. Can I change this?
Some facts that may matter:
1. I was a very horny kid. But I never linked the itch in my nether regions to other people or romantic love or the act of sex. It was always just an itch I scratched for myself.
2. The two things that are sure-fire turnons for me are erotica and the fantasy of bondage. I am not sure I or my SO would be comfortable with the idea of trying bondage in real life, because I admit to feeling ashamed/weird for having this fetish, added to the fact that I am afraid he will lose respect or desire for me given he is not a natural dom.
I know how to turn myself on; how can I link that physical response to him, just like he has apparently very quickly conditioned himself to be physically and mentally turned on by me?
I wanted to voice a somewhat complex issue that is on my mind, and get some advice for increasing my sexual attraction to a person I am already intellectually and emotionally attracted to. I am a physically healthy and mentally happy female in my 20s in a relationship with a great guy and headed towards marriage.
However, when it comes to sexual attraction, I'm missing something. Fact is, I never have been sexually attracted to anyone, male or female, real or fictional, crush or celebrity. As such, I am also not sexually attracted to my SO. All my past crushes on people were strictly platonic. They were intense and obsessive, but never sexual in nature. I never fantasized that a crush would rip off my clothes and ravish me, or vice versa, and the thought of a crush would never make me horny.
And so, while my SO has an adorable stiffy when he sees me, I lack the corresponding stirring in my loins when I see him, or think of him. My ego is pleased that I turn him on, but my lady parts can't seem to reciprocate with a physical response. I am generally a happy person with a positive self-image.
I am getting troubled that I am never sexually aroused by my guy, because right now my enthusiasm for sex is almost purely intellectual, and I know this isn't sustainable over the long run. I have already caught myself feeling, for fleeting instances, that sex is a chore mainly for his benefit, because I am never aching for sex with him. I always enthusiastically participate in sex because it's fun, but I don't feel 100% honest in my enthusiasm. Part of this is because our sex is not consistently physically pleasurable for me, but I already know what we have to work on in the physical stimulation department.
I want to be genuinely physically passionate in my relationship without faking it. But I don't actually sexually desire him. I don't physically desire anyone. Can I change this?
Some facts that may matter:
1. I was a very horny kid. But I never linked the itch in my nether regions to other people or romantic love or the act of sex. It was always just an itch I scratched for myself.
2. The two things that are sure-fire turnons for me are erotica and the fantasy of bondage. I am not sure I or my SO would be comfortable with the idea of trying bondage in real life, because I admit to feeling ashamed/weird for having this fetish, added to the fact that I am afraid he will lose respect or desire for me given he is not a natural dom.
I know how to turn myself on; how can I link that physical response to him, just like he has apparently very quickly conditioned himself to be physically and mentally turned on by me?
Put the internet to work for you.
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