Me and my financee have been together for 3.5 years. We are both female. Background: her parent's repeatedly cheated on each other, split up, every boyfriend cheated on her, etc - generally has always has issues with paranoia but it's not really been a big problem in our relationship. I'm not like that, I don't worry about this kind of thing, I trust her.
I trust her completely and I do not believe she has cheated on me physically nor would she ever.
But this relationship I think, crosses the line despite lack of physical contact.
She works for a large organisation in a fairly senior role. That role ends soon as she goes back to her studies. This guy is in his late fifties, married, with a pattern of sleeping with young women in roles similar to hers. My fiancee is really very attractive (and bisexual, we both are). This guy is in a very, very senior position, similar age to her father (she has 'daddy issues), very unattractive IMO.
We have always joked about having three-somes and joked that if we had a threesome it would be with him. She talks about how she finds him adorable, a nice guy, and yes not physically attractive in the typical way but in a powerful figure way. This was all fun and games until Friday, her leaving drinks, she was quite drunk and I saw their interaction which was definitely VERY flirty (and picked up by our friends). He left and she continued to text him, gave me her phone to read them and I scrolled through and saw texts that really were kind of over the line IMO. signed off with 'xxx' and comments like 'you have nice legs' 'I want to see you before I go' 'why did you leave my leaving drinks? Grummy face! Sulking!' I probably have texts like this to my friends but this is a PROFESSIONAL relationship and yes they are friends, but they are first colleagues. Generally the tone of them is hard to describe here but the tone wa s very flirtatious.
The jokes about the threesomes continued all night from her part and our friends have made fun of how much flirting there was and how much she wants it but is now completely not funny to me. She insists that she hasn't been that drunk around him before and their friendship is not like that normally. She insists they are in the friendzone.
That was Friday evening. On Saturday morning I spoke to her and said basically, just be aware of how the way you act appears to him and what he is going to be thinking, because he will be thinking about sleeping with you and from those texts he is going to notice the flirtation. They have been working together for a long time, often have drinks in the evening, go away on conferences etc.
On Saturday she had coffee with him when she went in to work (which she didn't -really- need to). Tonight she is having drinks after work with him.
Soon she will have left the job but will I imagine still see him from time to time. There has been no physical contact and I trust her implicitly, but I am not sure if she really realises that cheating doesn't just have to be physical (with her paranoia it's all physical paranoia) and to me, this comes pretty bloody close to being an emotional affair/being over the line and I'm actually a lot more upset than I originally realised.
Advice? Should I talk to her? I DON'T want to be the paranoid one in the relationship and with her leaving the job so soon I don't know whether to just leave it. She already knows I am uncomfortable, I'm not sure I want to make it a massively big deal.
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