I have been reading all the posts regarding porn on TAM recently and found the commentary and different perspectives interesting. Recently I have had my own eyes opened and while I am not looking for counsel or advice I thought it was worth sharing.
Short history Married 28 years, Wife (1 partner before marriage), me (Very familiar with both hands). In retrospect our sex life began in disappointing fashion for all the reasons that one might suspect with our previous histories being what they were. I was determined to get better and we got better. Toward our late 20's things really improved and our 30's through about year 47 were incredible. Then one day someone turned off the switch. I found TAM and began to work at saving my marriage.
While the frequency is picking up quality is sporadic. I honestly believe most of it is in my head. It would be nice if she was a bit more sensitive (at least in my mind I believe it would) so at the end of the day things have been really hit and miss.
More recently she has taken to waking me up in the middle of the night and for a bit I thought to myself "Wow the tide is turning" but something did not seem right. As passionate as she was she did not seem present. When she initiates she all systems are go but when I initiate it can take an incredible effort to get her in optimum mode. What used to work just does not seem to make much of an impression.
Then it dawned on me "She does not come onto me unless she is reading one of her Mommy Porn books. After a bit of detective work I confirmed it. I am not angry at her but it has made me reflect a bit. It is not unusual to hear wives and girlfriends terribly hurt and aggravated because their SO views porn and they find it demeaning, insulting and demoralizing. I just had a good friend get divorced because he could not give it up and his wife was tired of the "competition" she had with internet porn. Now they are divorced and he is in recovery and is frustrated that he gave up his family for porn.
I am not thrilled that this is part of what my W seems to need in order to become intimate (I use the word intimate loosely here) and I will add it to the long list of other things I will be discussing with my wife later this summer. Before this happened I truly had a difficult time understanding women's perspective regarding this issue (see mountain, mole hill) but I get it now and it stings a bit.
Short history Married 28 years, Wife (1 partner before marriage), me (Very familiar with both hands). In retrospect our sex life began in disappointing fashion for all the reasons that one might suspect with our previous histories being what they were. I was determined to get better and we got better. Toward our late 20's things really improved and our 30's through about year 47 were incredible. Then one day someone turned off the switch. I found TAM and began to work at saving my marriage.
While the frequency is picking up quality is sporadic. I honestly believe most of it is in my head. It would be nice if she was a bit more sensitive (at least in my mind I believe it would) so at the end of the day things have been really hit and miss.
More recently she has taken to waking me up in the middle of the night and for a bit I thought to myself "Wow the tide is turning" but something did not seem right. As passionate as she was she did not seem present. When she initiates she all systems are go but when I initiate it can take an incredible effort to get her in optimum mode. What used to work just does not seem to make much of an impression.
Then it dawned on me "She does not come onto me unless she is reading one of her Mommy Porn books. After a bit of detective work I confirmed it. I am not angry at her but it has made me reflect a bit. It is not unusual to hear wives and girlfriends terribly hurt and aggravated because their SO views porn and they find it demeaning, insulting and demoralizing. I just had a good friend get divorced because he could not give it up and his wife was tired of the "competition" she had with internet porn. Now they are divorced and he is in recovery and is frustrated that he gave up his family for porn.
I am not thrilled that this is part of what my W seems to need in order to become intimate (I use the word intimate loosely here) and I will add it to the long list of other things I will be discussing with my wife later this summer. Before this happened I truly had a difficult time understanding women's perspective regarding this issue (see mountain, mole hill) but I get it now and it stings a bit.
Put the internet to work for you.
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