In that locked zombie thread, someone posted this:
The other spouse was fine with being a rude loud mouth drunk dic, why would they leave? They aren't the one that is unhappy, they are enjoying being a jerk and fine with the marriage. If two people are in a situation, where one is unhappy, and the other is fine, the fine one isn't going to initiate the leaving.
One other note, in many affairs the spouse that chooses the affair doesn't really express the level of discomfort to the spouse, because they don't want to tip them off about the affair. So the spouse that's being betrayed might get an "I'm unhappy we need MC" talk every couple months, but they just brush it off as them being in a mood or something because it's not consistent. It's downplayed at that point because it's really only to assuage the guilt and set up a future 'reason' they cheat (because they asked for MC and you ignored them).
You are dealing with a person that's being less than honest, they may be communicating, but it's with the wrong person, not the spouse, but the AP.
This logic is:
I'm unhappy, I'm tired of this relationship, I want out.. My spouse should be the one to leave to make it easier on me.
Quote:
| I am sure I will catch a of of flack for this but it's something I have been thinking about. First about me. I was involved in an intense EA and light PA that lasted about 10 months (one incident of touching over clothes and one incident of kissing and touching under shirt and over clothes. It's been over for about 1.5 months, so I have a long way to go. Couldn't one argue if a person has been asking for more time, and their SO won't do this, their SO should just leave? If a person has been asking to make love more than a handful of times a year, and their SO won't, shouldn't their SO just leave? This isn't t to try and justify or excuse cheating. The person who cheated owns that decision 100% but the state of the marriage belongs to both. Sometimes, I get the impression some people think they somehow did no wrong because their SO committed a much bigger and more serious wrong. The choice to cheat lies 100% with the cheater. There are no justifications. However. Just beca use someone has cheated, does not absolve their SO's behavior. Yes the cheater is a cheater. This doesn't mean their SO is no longer a big mouthed, rude, dic!, who drank too much, only cared about doing things for themselves and didn't contribute to the home or family. Year after year. Even when their SO expressed their dislike and need for change. |
One other note, in many affairs the spouse that chooses the affair doesn't really express the level of discomfort to the spouse, because they don't want to tip them off about the affair. So the spouse that's being betrayed might get an "I'm unhappy we need MC" talk every couple months, but they just brush it off as them being in a mood or something because it's not consistent. It's downplayed at that point because it's really only to assuage the guilt and set up a future 'reason' they cheat (because they asked for MC and you ignored them).
You are dealing with a person that's being less than honest, they may be communicating, but it's with the wrong person, not the spouse, but the AP.
This logic is:
I'm unhappy, I'm tired of this relationship, I want out.. My spouse should be the one to leave to make it easier on me.
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