Hello,
This is the first time I've ever turned to a forum for advice but I'm honestly at my breaking point. I'm hoping someone can shed some light on what I'm going through. As I type this I can honestly say I can't stand the man I married. I love him but I don't like him. He's become someone I don't know. Hateful. Mean. Miserable. Pretends nothing is wrong. Doesn't pay attention to anything that is said to him. Questions EVERYTHING I do or say. Here's an example:
"Why didn't Zakk finish his homework?" (him)
" I forgot about it when we got to the game."(me)
" Why did he take his book bag?"(him)
" Because I was going to help him with his homework at the park but forgot all about it." (me)
" You went to a park?"(him)
" Park, baseball field... whatever you want to call it."(me)
" So he didn't get his homework done?" (him)
" No, I said I forgot." (me)
" Well you should have remembered he had homework." (him)
" Yes, because I should have a memory like an elephant." (me)
then I walk away. He doesn't understand why I'm upset. Asks me what's wrong. By this point I'm frustrated beyond belief so to avoid a fight I tell him nothing. He goes to take a shower, I go to bed. This morning he asked me if I was tired. He was upset because I went to bed.
My girls are both on a softball league. They play in different age groups so sometimes he has to take one to a game while I go to the other and sometimes he stays home if there's just one that has a game that day. I take all the kids with me because it used to be my way of giving him some time to get things done he wants to do. Now it's because I don't trust them alone together.
This is constantly the way conversations go with us. He expects my kids to have their bedrooms clean at all times, when they do get them clean he goes in and nit picks at things they forgot or didn't put away in the right place. The kids spend a lot of time in their room because he constantly questions the things they do. They come home from school and want an after school snack because they eat lunch at like 10:30 - 11:00 in the am. He asks me why they are eating. If they have a folded sandwich they had their dinner. They aren't allowed to ask for anything. If they have a drink and a little while later they ask for another, he'll say "didn't you just have a drink?" On weekends they get up and have breakfast. Usually between 8 and 10 in the morning. By around 1 or 2 in the after noon they ask if they can have lunch, he'll ask " didn't you guys just have breakfast?" He tells me I need to manage my time better if I don't get something done and have to finish it when he gets hom e. He says I let the kids get away with things when he's not home like eating in the living room, or letting my son on the furniture. He never actually says things up front, he does it in the form of a question so when I tell him how all this makes me feel he says he's just asking a question. Some how his questions always seem to make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Am I overreacting to this? Am I crazy? This is EVERYDAY. He's constantly fighting with the kids. He asks me questions about things he knows I have no answer to. Like when the softball coach made a change in the girls schedule. He asks me " Why would he cancel a game then have a make up game the day before?" I wouldn't know the answer to this and the way he asks me it sounds like he's upset with me and expect me to know.
He gets upset with me if I don't text him. Ok I understand he has some trust issues, so I do my best to text him and let him know what my day is like. A few days ago I had gotten busy and didn't text him more than once or twice. He asked me if my phone was broke, I said no, I had gotten busy with our baby. He said " You couldn't take a few minutes to text me?" I just turned and walked away. So the next day I cleared my cell phone of all messages. I sent him 11 messages that day. I was kind of excited that I had taken the time to please him and felt he should have been happy too. So when he got home from work that day I said how was that? I sent you 11 text messages. He said " Yeah but your text messages aren't the same. You don't say the same things to me anymore." I was hurt. Was I wrong to feel this way?
I'm worried that I'm doing something that's provoking this in him and I don't know how to fix it. I try talking to him and he says things like " Oh here we go again, what did I do wrong now?" or " Why are you upset now?'' His solution is to brush it off or ignore it. He says I go on and on about something, well how can I not when it never gets resolved? I am so depressed and frustrated. I feel like a complete failure as a parent because he's always complaining about the kids, I'm a failure as a wife because he claims I don't take care of his needs. I'm a failure as a person because he believes I lie about everything. I think that's the part that hurts the most. I understand what he's been through and I've made adjustments in my life to help get us past his issues. The one thing I've always been is honest. I was lied to my entire life. I know how bad lies can ruin a person and any trust you have in people. I would rather take the fall for being honest then live a life with lie s. I just don't understand. I'm at that giving up point.
This is the first time I've ever turned to a forum for advice but I'm honestly at my breaking point. I'm hoping someone can shed some light on what I'm going through. As I type this I can honestly say I can't stand the man I married. I love him but I don't like him. He's become someone I don't know. Hateful. Mean. Miserable. Pretends nothing is wrong. Doesn't pay attention to anything that is said to him. Questions EVERYTHING I do or say. Here's an example:
"Why didn't Zakk finish his homework?" (him)
" I forgot about it when we got to the game."(me)
" Why did he take his book bag?"(him)
" Because I was going to help him with his homework at the park but forgot all about it." (me)
" You went to a park?"(him)
" Park, baseball field... whatever you want to call it."(me)
" So he didn't get his homework done?" (him)
" No, I said I forgot." (me)
" Well you should have remembered he had homework." (him)
" Yes, because I should have a memory like an elephant." (me)
then I walk away. He doesn't understand why I'm upset. Asks me what's wrong. By this point I'm frustrated beyond belief so to avoid a fight I tell him nothing. He goes to take a shower, I go to bed. This morning he asked me if I was tired. He was upset because I went to bed.
My girls are both on a softball league. They play in different age groups so sometimes he has to take one to a game while I go to the other and sometimes he stays home if there's just one that has a game that day. I take all the kids with me because it used to be my way of giving him some time to get things done he wants to do. Now it's because I don't trust them alone together.
This is constantly the way conversations go with us. He expects my kids to have their bedrooms clean at all times, when they do get them clean he goes in and nit picks at things they forgot or didn't put away in the right place. The kids spend a lot of time in their room because he constantly questions the things they do. They come home from school and want an after school snack because they eat lunch at like 10:30 - 11:00 in the am. He asks me why they are eating. If they have a folded sandwich they had their dinner. They aren't allowed to ask for anything. If they have a drink and a little while later they ask for another, he'll say "didn't you just have a drink?" On weekends they get up and have breakfast. Usually between 8 and 10 in the morning. By around 1 or 2 in the after noon they ask if they can have lunch, he'll ask " didn't you guys just have breakfast?" He tells me I need to manage my time better if I don't get something done and have to finish it when he gets hom e. He says I let the kids get away with things when he's not home like eating in the living room, or letting my son on the furniture. He never actually says things up front, he does it in the form of a question so when I tell him how all this makes me feel he says he's just asking a question. Some how his questions always seem to make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Am I overreacting to this? Am I crazy? This is EVERYDAY. He's constantly fighting with the kids. He asks me questions about things he knows I have no answer to. Like when the softball coach made a change in the girls schedule. He asks me " Why would he cancel a game then have a make up game the day before?" I wouldn't know the answer to this and the way he asks me it sounds like he's upset with me and expect me to know.
He gets upset with me if I don't text him. Ok I understand he has some trust issues, so I do my best to text him and let him know what my day is like. A few days ago I had gotten busy and didn't text him more than once or twice. He asked me if my phone was broke, I said no, I had gotten busy with our baby. He said " You couldn't take a few minutes to text me?" I just turned and walked away. So the next day I cleared my cell phone of all messages. I sent him 11 messages that day. I was kind of excited that I had taken the time to please him and felt he should have been happy too. So when he got home from work that day I said how was that? I sent you 11 text messages. He said " Yeah but your text messages aren't the same. You don't say the same things to me anymore." I was hurt. Was I wrong to feel this way?
I'm worried that I'm doing something that's provoking this in him and I don't know how to fix it. I try talking to him and he says things like " Oh here we go again, what did I do wrong now?" or " Why are you upset now?'' His solution is to brush it off or ignore it. He says I go on and on about something, well how can I not when it never gets resolved? I am so depressed and frustrated. I feel like a complete failure as a parent because he's always complaining about the kids, I'm a failure as a wife because he claims I don't take care of his needs. I'm a failure as a person because he believes I lie about everything. I think that's the part that hurts the most. I understand what he's been through and I've made adjustments in my life to help get us past his issues. The one thing I've always been is honest. I was lied to my entire life. I know how bad lies can ruin a person and any trust you have in people. I would rather take the fall for being honest then live a life with lie s. I just don't understand. I'm at that giving up point.
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