Hey guys :)
OK so I know I spend most of my time spouting about problems I've mostly created for myself and I'm sorry about that, but this one is actually really troubling me.
Me and my gf have been going out for 9 months now, we're really into each other and support each other with our various issues :-)
The big caveat is that the whole thing is a complete secret from her family. She's of British-Indian dual heritage, her whole family are Hindu including herself (she's quite a firm believer), and from what I understand her parents are quite strictly orthodox/traditional.
I understand that sex before marriage in Hinduism is, like in orthodox Christian branches and most religions really, a taboo. Completely out of the question. I respect that.
I also understand that some people still believe in arranged marriage, which (no offence to the traditionalists of her culture) I really don't agree with; how can you marry someone you don't know you truly love and want to be with for, if not forever, a bloody long time? In her family's case it would be 'till death do us part'; divorce has a social stigma too.
But that's the way it is. Apparently once she's finished uni (and they might make her go on to do a Masters or PhD which she's not even sure she wants to do), she is probably going to be forced into courting some random suitors. I think they have to be of the same caste as her family too…and if they like them, or can convince her that they'd be a nice husband, that's who she'll marry :/
Until then she is not really supposed to even leave their house without consulting them. She can do for uni and work-related things, but she can only leave the house so many times a month for socials.
And no boys. I don't know how they'd even feel about her having male 'friends'. She's 20 this summer, for Pete's sake.
She doesn't even really want my friends to know, and her friends can't in case they blab to her parents. If her parents find out about us, she'll be thrown away under lock and key, so she says.
This means that despite living about half a mile away, we basically only get to meet up on campus, she has to be home by teatime or her parents will smell a rat, I can barely ever go to her house and it's a military operation if she does, if her parents call while we're snuggling together you could cut ice with the tension, and on it goes! And the last time she tried to meet me elsewhere, to throw me a surprise party for my 21st, she nearly got grounded. Over Christmas we haven't met except for my party, and as another thread of mine will show, I ****ed that one up because I had a bout of unnecessary jealousy over her guy friend she invited and we weren't even on speaking terms again until Boing Day.
I seriously don't know how she deals with being so controlled. I find it hard meeting up with her and I have almost complete freedom, the world is my oyster in that sense. My parents would probably be a little concerned if I packed my bags to live in Paris without telling them but that's about it :P
Has anybody been in a similar situation and have they got tips for coping with this? I know there are worse situations I could be in, and I'm glad they haven't yet found out, but it is annoying that we can only see each other under such strict conditions. It's also sad to think that even if we have something special, it could all end with just a click of her parent's fingers.
As for her, it must be terrifying sometimes...
OK so I know I spend most of my time spouting about problems I've mostly created for myself and I'm sorry about that, but this one is actually really troubling me.
Me and my gf have been going out for 9 months now, we're really into each other and support each other with our various issues :-)
The big caveat is that the whole thing is a complete secret from her family. She's of British-Indian dual heritage, her whole family are Hindu including herself (she's quite a firm believer), and from what I understand her parents are quite strictly orthodox/traditional.
I understand that sex before marriage in Hinduism is, like in orthodox Christian branches and most religions really, a taboo. Completely out of the question. I respect that.
I also understand that some people still believe in arranged marriage, which (no offence to the traditionalists of her culture) I really don't agree with; how can you marry someone you don't know you truly love and want to be with for, if not forever, a bloody long time? In her family's case it would be 'till death do us part'; divorce has a social stigma too.
But that's the way it is. Apparently once she's finished uni (and they might make her go on to do a Masters or PhD which she's not even sure she wants to do), she is probably going to be forced into courting some random suitors. I think they have to be of the same caste as her family too…and if they like them, or can convince her that they'd be a nice husband, that's who she'll marry :/
Until then she is not really supposed to even leave their house without consulting them. She can do for uni and work-related things, but she can only leave the house so many times a month for socials.
And no boys. I don't know how they'd even feel about her having male 'friends'. She's 20 this summer, for Pete's sake.
She doesn't even really want my friends to know, and her friends can't in case they blab to her parents. If her parents find out about us, she'll be thrown away under lock and key, so she says.
This means that despite living about half a mile away, we basically only get to meet up on campus, she has to be home by teatime or her parents will smell a rat, I can barely ever go to her house and it's a military operation if she does, if her parents call while we're snuggling together you could cut ice with the tension, and on it goes! And the last time she tried to meet me elsewhere, to throw me a surprise party for my 21st, she nearly got grounded. Over Christmas we haven't met except for my party, and as another thread of mine will show, I ****ed that one up because I had a bout of unnecessary jealousy over her guy friend she invited and we weren't even on speaking terms again until Boing Day.
I seriously don't know how she deals with being so controlled. I find it hard meeting up with her and I have almost complete freedom, the world is my oyster in that sense. My parents would probably be a little concerned if I packed my bags to live in Paris without telling them but that's about it :P
Has anybody been in a similar situation and have they got tips for coping with this? I know there are worse situations I could be in, and I'm glad they haven't yet found out, but it is annoying that we can only see each other under such strict conditions. It's also sad to think that even if we have something special, it could all end with just a click of her parent's fingers.
As for her, it must be terrifying sometimes...
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