My husband and I have been married for 18 years. We've both been faithful. I've thought about leaving him many times, but over the last 2 years, I've been in counselling on and off for it. The reasons:
1. We both grew up thinking it was acceptable for the husband to drink heavily. Once we began to have children, I begged him not to drink and he completely ignored my wishes. His only socializing for many years involved heavy drinking with his friends or family, and it ruined every special occasion we shared together. In the last 6 months, he has stopped this behaviour.
2. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years while I babysat extra kids and went to school to earn my degree. Raising my 3 kids was challenging, as my husband was drinking heavily and working extra hours. He rarely helped with routines and housework, and was often physically rough with our kids. He was irritable and sullen for the most part, and I felt abandoned by him during this time.
3. We had several big things happen. I finally graduated and began to work in my career, and I loved it. It fulfilled me and eased the financial strain on our family. At this time, my husband lost his job and became depressed. He gained 50 pounds, wouldn't look for another job and barely helped around the house with kids and chores. After months of this, he finally got a job working out of town for 2 weeks in, 2 weeks out. I was relieved because I needed the break from him and we needed money.
4. My 13 year old was diagnosed with high functioning autism. His behaviours were out of control and he became aggressive. I had no training on how to handle this, so I spent many late nights trying to read and learn as much as I could in order to help our son and the other kids. My husband did nothing at this time other than become angry when he came home. He completely dropped the ball and left me to deal with this. Again, I felt abandoned by him in a time that I was grieving and overwhelmed.
5. After I few years of intensive interventions, my child is now flourishing. Then my other child developed behaviours. I spent hours dealing with this, and finally found out the he had ocd type anxiety. I learned how to manage it, he was put on meds and I helped him to put into practice the things he learned in counselling. Husband did not participate in the process.
I told my husband last summer that I wanted a divorce. It was painful. He begged me to stay. I told him we'd been living in two different marriages and his memories were good while mine were not. We went for counselling and I agreed to give him some time to change his ways. During this time, he became clingy, began to grope and grab at me, and was in my personal space. I felt like I couldn't walk in my own home freely. I asked him to stop and he's cut back but he is still doing it. I feel like he does not respect my feelings.
He has changed his ways with the kids and housework. He stopped drinking. He has tried to be more connected to me emotionally.
My problem now is that he has made some huge, positive changes but despite that, I feel angry that he hadn't done this before. I feel our relationship has been severely damaged over the years to the point where I don't know if it can recover.
It's a cliche to say, but in honestly love him as a friend and co-parent, not a husband. I don't want to sleep with him. I don't want another man. I feel like I want to be in my own space with my kids.
I have three teens under 16 and don't want to move and shake up their world, but at the same time, I'm so unhappy when he's home that I become anxious, depressed and exhausted. As soon as he leaves for work, I'm happy again, energetic, and enjoying my kids.
Is it possible to recover from something like this? We've done counselling, both individually and together. We've been in this state of limbo for 6 months and it's killing both of us. I feel bad for him as he's made so many changes that I appreciate.
1. We both grew up thinking it was acceptable for the husband to drink heavily. Once we began to have children, I begged him not to drink and he completely ignored my wishes. His only socializing for many years involved heavy drinking with his friends or family, and it ruined every special occasion we shared together. In the last 6 months, he has stopped this behaviour.
2. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years while I babysat extra kids and went to school to earn my degree. Raising my 3 kids was challenging, as my husband was drinking heavily and working extra hours. He rarely helped with routines and housework, and was often physically rough with our kids. He was irritable and sullen for the most part, and I felt abandoned by him during this time.
3. We had several big things happen. I finally graduated and began to work in my career, and I loved it. It fulfilled me and eased the financial strain on our family. At this time, my husband lost his job and became depressed. He gained 50 pounds, wouldn't look for another job and barely helped around the house with kids and chores. After months of this, he finally got a job working out of town for 2 weeks in, 2 weeks out. I was relieved because I needed the break from him and we needed money.
4. My 13 year old was diagnosed with high functioning autism. His behaviours were out of control and he became aggressive. I had no training on how to handle this, so I spent many late nights trying to read and learn as much as I could in order to help our son and the other kids. My husband did nothing at this time other than become angry when he came home. He completely dropped the ball and left me to deal with this. Again, I felt abandoned by him in a time that I was grieving and overwhelmed.
5. After I few years of intensive interventions, my child is now flourishing. Then my other child developed behaviours. I spent hours dealing with this, and finally found out the he had ocd type anxiety. I learned how to manage it, he was put on meds and I helped him to put into practice the things he learned in counselling. Husband did not participate in the process.
I told my husband last summer that I wanted a divorce. It was painful. He begged me to stay. I told him we'd been living in two different marriages and his memories were good while mine were not. We went for counselling and I agreed to give him some time to change his ways. During this time, he became clingy, began to grope and grab at me, and was in my personal space. I felt like I couldn't walk in my own home freely. I asked him to stop and he's cut back but he is still doing it. I feel like he does not respect my feelings.
He has changed his ways with the kids and housework. He stopped drinking. He has tried to be more connected to me emotionally.
My problem now is that he has made some huge, positive changes but despite that, I feel angry that he hadn't done this before. I feel our relationship has been severely damaged over the years to the point where I don't know if it can recover.
It's a cliche to say, but in honestly love him as a friend and co-parent, not a husband. I don't want to sleep with him. I don't want another man. I feel like I want to be in my own space with my kids.
I have three teens under 16 and don't want to move and shake up their world, but at the same time, I'm so unhappy when he's home that I become anxious, depressed and exhausted. As soon as he leaves for work, I'm happy again, energetic, and enjoying my kids.
Is it possible to recover from something like this? We've done counselling, both individually and together. We've been in this state of limbo for 6 months and it's killing both of us. I feel bad for him as he's made so many changes that I appreciate.
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