So I've written a couple of threads over the past couple of years dealing with my issues regarding my wife's cheating. This is completely unrelated. It's a long story so bear with me but I am so f***ing confused I just need to tell it.
So 6 years ago, my wife's brother, who it turns out, is a a raging alcoholic, left a party at our house and subsequently got a well deserved DUI. Since that time, he's gotten 2 more DUIs, been arrested for battery Leo, as well as 3 domestic violence charges. A real piece of work. His parents refused to admit that their son had a problem, and actually blamed me and my wife for the cause of his troubles. They thought someone had called the police because he was too drunk to drive, and thus had him arrested. So they blame me for the start of their sons troubles. He's 35 now btw. I'd say he's a legitimate adult.
After his latest bout with the law, another domestic battery arrest back in November of 2012, he moved in with her parents. They didn't tell us. They knew we did not want him around our daughter because he is a violent drunk and mentally unstable to say the least. So what did they do? They hid the fact that he moved in with them. They would have him leave their house before we brought our daughter over and he would return when we left. This went on for 6 months until his now ex wife told us that he had been living there. We confronted them, they confirmed that he was living there, but offered no apology. Still haven't because to them, blood is thicker than anything, parental wishes be damned.
Needless to say, I lost it when I found out. I called her parents, was firm, angry, but relatively calm when I spoke to them. I basically got told to go pound sand. That we were the reason he's so messed up because that first DUI ruined his life etc. We haven't talked since march of this year.
Well, now her dad is in the end stages of life. Cancer, late diagnosis, no cure, etc. He hates me. He despises me. And I don't care because I know what they did was wrong. He, nor she, has never apologized for what they did, exposing our daughter to a violent, insane drunk on numerous occasions knowing full well we would have never let her be around him. My wife had the audacity to suggest that I go apologize to him so that he could die peacefully. Needless to say, I have declined to do that. I didn't curse, I wasn't disrespectful in our conversation. He just did not agree, to say the least, with my viewpoint.
but here's the kicker. My wife tells me tonight that her mother told her that the fact the "family has been torn apart over the last 6 years" is the reason her dad is dying. In other words, blaming us, but me in particular, for causing strife. That because we couldn't just overlook the fact that her brothers violent and destructive behavior was the root cause of problems. I refused to participate in their family events if he would be present because they chose to rug sweep the issue, not tell anyone, and refused to kick him out or get him help.
I am so mind blown that people can be this daft. This actually has the potential to tear our marriage apart. Her family's seething anger toward me is affecting my wife, but I refuse to cave to the insanity that her family seems to think is normal and acceptable.
Even on his deathbed, this man does not want to come to terms with his faults or mistakes. He wants to blame me. And his wife, my mother in law, apparently agrees whole heatedly.
This is just insane. Or is it just me. Thoughts?
So 6 years ago, my wife's brother, who it turns out, is a a raging alcoholic, left a party at our house and subsequently got a well deserved DUI. Since that time, he's gotten 2 more DUIs, been arrested for battery Leo, as well as 3 domestic violence charges. A real piece of work. His parents refused to admit that their son had a problem, and actually blamed me and my wife for the cause of his troubles. They thought someone had called the police because he was too drunk to drive, and thus had him arrested. So they blame me for the start of their sons troubles. He's 35 now btw. I'd say he's a legitimate adult.
After his latest bout with the law, another domestic battery arrest back in November of 2012, he moved in with her parents. They didn't tell us. They knew we did not want him around our daughter because he is a violent drunk and mentally unstable to say the least. So what did they do? They hid the fact that he moved in with them. They would have him leave their house before we brought our daughter over and he would return when we left. This went on for 6 months until his now ex wife told us that he had been living there. We confronted them, they confirmed that he was living there, but offered no apology. Still haven't because to them, blood is thicker than anything, parental wishes be damned.
Needless to say, I lost it when I found out. I called her parents, was firm, angry, but relatively calm when I spoke to them. I basically got told to go pound sand. That we were the reason he's so messed up because that first DUI ruined his life etc. We haven't talked since march of this year.
Well, now her dad is in the end stages of life. Cancer, late diagnosis, no cure, etc. He hates me. He despises me. And I don't care because I know what they did was wrong. He, nor she, has never apologized for what they did, exposing our daughter to a violent, insane drunk on numerous occasions knowing full well we would have never let her be around him. My wife had the audacity to suggest that I go apologize to him so that he could die peacefully. Needless to say, I have declined to do that. I didn't curse, I wasn't disrespectful in our conversation. He just did not agree, to say the least, with my viewpoint.
but here's the kicker. My wife tells me tonight that her mother told her that the fact the "family has been torn apart over the last 6 years" is the reason her dad is dying. In other words, blaming us, but me in particular, for causing strife. That because we couldn't just overlook the fact that her brothers violent and destructive behavior was the root cause of problems. I refused to participate in their family events if he would be present because they chose to rug sweep the issue, not tell anyone, and refused to kick him out or get him help.
I am so mind blown that people can be this daft. This actually has the potential to tear our marriage apart. Her family's seething anger toward me is affecting my wife, but I refuse to cave to the insanity that her family seems to think is normal and acceptable.
Even on his deathbed, this man does not want to come to terms with his faults or mistakes. He wants to blame me. And his wife, my mother in law, apparently agrees whole heatedly.
This is just insane. Or is it just me. Thoughts?
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