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Coping with the lies, the lack of an apology.

Ugh, I am having another tough day. I wake up in the morning and the first thing that I think of is them. Then I think that the first thing that he thinks of when he wakes is her. It makes me ill.

His EA (online only - so he says) started before he left me, so he was cheating. Oh, and she is married with a kid, so she is cheating too. He lied so many times about so many different things before I found out about them. And unfortunately, when I found out about them, it was because I saw all of their emails to each other, professing their love for each other over and over again. I can't get them out of my head. I think of how he talks to her in those emails and again, it makes me ill.

Throughout all of this, he has never apologized to me for cheating and lying. The last thing that he said about it when we fought was that "this has nothing to do with her, I left you because you are a horrible person". Not the nicest thing to say to someone that you have spent 20+ years with, the mother of your only child.

I feel awful today and I can't seem to get them out of my mind, the lies and the cheating and the fact that he doesn't feel any remorse.
bleh.

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