Hi everyone, first post here..
I'll start from the top because this is a very complex story and situation.
I am Canadian and met my girlfriend in Brazil 5 years ago. We instantly started Skyping as soon as I was back in Canada, and over the past 5 years, we have lived in eachothers countries on and off. She came to Canada from January to May this year trying to get a job here because we were going to get married.
She ended up going back to Brazil because she couldnt find work and couldnt just sit around doing nothing. DUring those 4 months, it was incredible, I mean.. I often faintly welled up thinking how perfect life was. I mean, we were GREAT! She left, and in the airport we talked on the phone while she waited for her flight at the gate. She said that she was just going back to Brazil, get a few months of experience, and then come back here to work or study until we get married. The next few months were great even though it was long distance.. we were just..head over heels, and this is almost 4 years into the relationship, it wasnt first day butterflies..
In midseptember she began to grow distant. Our internet connection was horrendous, and we would sometimes have to redail 10 times just to try and talk for half an hour. It was unbearable. When I confronted her nicely about growing distant and asking what was wrong.. she said that she was having doubts about everything..me..career..moving to the other side of the world. SHe confessed that she had an emotional attachment with a guy from work. SHe confided in him about her doubts for me and he took advantage of that and tried to lure her in. She was very sorry and hated herself for it. She has always been a girl with low self esteem even though shes great and beautiful, and I alwas tried to build that up in her.
I ended up flying down there for an emergency 10 day trip and it really helped things. She was very affectionate, and after the first few days passed we were crazy about eachother. She sat on my lap in the park with tears in her eyes and said "baby Im so sorry, I remember you now... you're my man". The rest of the trip was magical.. perfect.. but we still decided to let things go because she still wanted some space to think. She said "___, I promise you I will be good, I am so sure now that the only thing I want is time to think, no one else". She ended up quitting her job right after I left in order to be away from the guy who she had the emotional attachment to..
Over the next couple weeks, she was contacting me on and off, sending mixed messages.. sometimes it was "Im listening to our song", other times it was "I hope youre doing ok there. I truly want you to be happy." Sunday I set up a skype call with her to end the contact. I told her that I had to move on and it strings me on if she contacts me like that. She was absolutely DEVASTATED.. DISTRAUGHT. She was crying beyond control, shaking, saying she was numb..saying I was the best thing to ever happen to her, I was her angel, she loves me, etc etc... She called back after again and sent me a million messages asking to talk.. so I caved out of concern and answered.. she was so upset.. we finished the talk and I called her back at 10 canada time(1 am brazil time) and said I was mad that she had that emotional affair, yet still broke up with me and is now still upset.. i was just angry, and I didnt know why.. The next morning I got just a sad face as a text message.. then tuesday wen t by..and wednesday I got these voicemails.. 9 minutes worth.. of her saying how tough the past few days was, and has been crying constantly, and hasnt been sleeping, and when she does she wakes up and cries and wishes it was all a dream.. She said deep down she wants to get back together, but is afraid of her unstable emotions right now. She says "I want to come running back to your arms because youre my man, and you make me feel soo safe". and so on and so on.. she said she just wanted to know if I had heard the messages and didnt have to talk.. but i called her that night to talk about the messages.. and hinted a lot that she should just come to canada to work on us(she said she was considering it a lot, but didnt, again because she was afraid that if she didnt take time to figure out what she wants, she may be unstable and uncertain in the future).
That was the last time we talked.. and I walked away from it feeling like I gave back the control to her, because it was way too obvious that I would just take her back and am always going to be available. Yesterday I put a facebook status up saying "friends, heres my number, Im deleting my facebook tonight".. seconds before I actually deactivated it that night, she liked my status and then sent a "poke".. obviously to get my attention..
The past 36 hours has been the worst.. I wish I didnt reply to her messages Wednesday... my friends say Im paving the way for her to move on.. Anyways, shes obviously missing me,..and her messages are genuine. Im her first boyfriend, she was 17 when we started dating and is now 22. I was planning on proposing at Christmas in brazil(I was originally supposed to go there next friday).
I just don't know what to do at alll... Everyone says move on, if she hasnt come back now she probably wont.. or...move on anyways, she needs time and if she comes back you can decide later.. but I want to work on us, we had 10 days to try and fix a 5 year relationship.. not sure thats enough time. Does anyone have advice for me? Anything would be appreciated.
I'll start from the top because this is a very complex story and situation.
I am Canadian and met my girlfriend in Brazil 5 years ago. We instantly started Skyping as soon as I was back in Canada, and over the past 5 years, we have lived in eachothers countries on and off. She came to Canada from January to May this year trying to get a job here because we were going to get married.
She ended up going back to Brazil because she couldnt find work and couldnt just sit around doing nothing. DUring those 4 months, it was incredible, I mean.. I often faintly welled up thinking how perfect life was. I mean, we were GREAT! She left, and in the airport we talked on the phone while she waited for her flight at the gate. She said that she was just going back to Brazil, get a few months of experience, and then come back here to work or study until we get married. The next few months were great even though it was long distance.. we were just..head over heels, and this is almost 4 years into the relationship, it wasnt first day butterflies..
In midseptember she began to grow distant. Our internet connection was horrendous, and we would sometimes have to redail 10 times just to try and talk for half an hour. It was unbearable. When I confronted her nicely about growing distant and asking what was wrong.. she said that she was having doubts about everything..me..career..moving to the other side of the world. SHe confessed that she had an emotional attachment with a guy from work. SHe confided in him about her doubts for me and he took advantage of that and tried to lure her in. She was very sorry and hated herself for it. She has always been a girl with low self esteem even though shes great and beautiful, and I alwas tried to build that up in her.
I ended up flying down there for an emergency 10 day trip and it really helped things. She was very affectionate, and after the first few days passed we were crazy about eachother. She sat on my lap in the park with tears in her eyes and said "baby Im so sorry, I remember you now... you're my man". The rest of the trip was magical.. perfect.. but we still decided to let things go because she still wanted some space to think. She said "___, I promise you I will be good, I am so sure now that the only thing I want is time to think, no one else". She ended up quitting her job right after I left in order to be away from the guy who she had the emotional attachment to..
Over the next couple weeks, she was contacting me on and off, sending mixed messages.. sometimes it was "Im listening to our song", other times it was "I hope youre doing ok there. I truly want you to be happy." Sunday I set up a skype call with her to end the contact. I told her that I had to move on and it strings me on if she contacts me like that. She was absolutely DEVASTATED.. DISTRAUGHT. She was crying beyond control, shaking, saying she was numb..saying I was the best thing to ever happen to her, I was her angel, she loves me, etc etc... She called back after again and sent me a million messages asking to talk.. so I caved out of concern and answered.. she was so upset.. we finished the talk and I called her back at 10 canada time(1 am brazil time) and said I was mad that she had that emotional affair, yet still broke up with me and is now still upset.. i was just angry, and I didnt know why.. The next morning I got just a sad face as a text message.. then tuesday wen t by..and wednesday I got these voicemails.. 9 minutes worth.. of her saying how tough the past few days was, and has been crying constantly, and hasnt been sleeping, and when she does she wakes up and cries and wishes it was all a dream.. She said deep down she wants to get back together, but is afraid of her unstable emotions right now. She says "I want to come running back to your arms because youre my man, and you make me feel soo safe". and so on and so on.. she said she just wanted to know if I had heard the messages and didnt have to talk.. but i called her that night to talk about the messages.. and hinted a lot that she should just come to canada to work on us(she said she was considering it a lot, but didnt, again because she was afraid that if she didnt take time to figure out what she wants, she may be unstable and uncertain in the future).
That was the last time we talked.. and I walked away from it feeling like I gave back the control to her, because it was way too obvious that I would just take her back and am always going to be available. Yesterday I put a facebook status up saying "friends, heres my number, Im deleting my facebook tonight".. seconds before I actually deactivated it that night, she liked my status and then sent a "poke".. obviously to get my attention..
The past 36 hours has been the worst.. I wish I didnt reply to her messages Wednesday... my friends say Im paving the way for her to move on.. Anyways, shes obviously missing me,..and her messages are genuine. Im her first boyfriend, she was 17 when we started dating and is now 22. I was planning on proposing at Christmas in brazil(I was originally supposed to go there next friday).
I just don't know what to do at alll... Everyone says move on, if she hasnt come back now she probably wont.. or...move on anyways, she needs time and if she comes back you can decide later.. but I want to work on us, we had 10 days to try and fix a 5 year relationship.. not sure thats enough time. Does anyone have advice for me? Anything would be appreciated.
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