Need some advise

I have made a mistake and I feel horrible for what I have done. And now I need some advise as to what we should do. I have been dating my now fiancé for a little over two years. Most of the time our relationship was great, but for about one weekend every month there would be an entire meltdown. We would be kept inside crying and arguing. We had moved in together fairly soon and I felt a lot of this started when she started pushing for marriage earlier than I was ready, towards the end of the first year. Most of these arguments would be based on her thinking that I wasn't into her and that I had settled and thats why i hadn't proposed yet. The more this went on the more stress there was in the relationship. During this time, I had some major changes at work that were causing a lot of stress and I will admit that our sex life was not that great. The more this went on the more she felt that I wasn't in to her and the worse it got. The more we fought the more I detached from the relationship. As this went on, I did begin to think about other women and watch porn for my sexual stimulation. I know at this point we should have gotten help and she did suggest that we see a counselor. I felt that she kept picking fights with me and then telling me that I needed counseling. I know that I should have gone at this point. I have a bad habit of trying to push forward and force it when things aren't working. As our relationship continued it was filled with very high highs and very low lows. There were times when I thought about leaving, but then I would think about all of the great things we have in common and how much we enjoy each other when thing are good. She gave me an ultimatum for the wedding. Basically saying you propose to me by this date or its over. At this point I was more open to taking the next step, but still confused with the lows and how bad the relationship was at times. While on a big company trip at a tropical place, I had too much to drink one of the nights and a coworker of mine came up to me and started flirting with me. She leaned in and I did too. We kissed and I suggested that we go over to a near by bench, because we were in a public place. We went over to the bench and continued to kiss and grope. There were still people near by so we stopped for a moment and I began to feel bad. Shortly after stopping the CEO of the company walked by. We looked disheveled and compromising. The woman was also much older than me. I was 30 and she was about 50. I didn't feel attracted to her, but leading up to us kissing, I had this feeling of wanting someone else. I began to open up to her about how I felt. I started to vent about my confusion with our relationship and she told me that I just had cold feet with moving the relationship to the next level. As soon as I got back home my then girlfriend at the time confronted me and said that she knew I had done something. With some hesitation I told her that I had kissed someone and had talked about our relationship. She was enraged and physically attacked me. For the next week we talked and fought. This all was leading up to an other big trip that we had had planned for a long time. We were going out of the country to visit her family for a few weeks. Before leaving I bought a ring and proposed to her while on that trip. She accepted and things have been going fairly smooth since then. It has been about 4 to 5 months. I have made a concious effort to be mentally involved in our relationship and to no long let my mind wander. I have also cut watching any porn out of my life. We started looking for a house, but the lease for our apartment ended, so we moved in to my moms home while continuing our search. Just the other night my fiancé saw a picture of the woman and it re-hatched her emotions. She began to question what had happened that night and I told her the part about the kissing as well as the groping on the bench and being seen by the CEO. I had omitted the fact that I wanted to sexually advance that night. She was again enraged and physically attacked me. She also tried to hurt herself. I tried to arrange counseling before we left the country, but because it was right before the holidays there wasn't anyone that could fit us in the schedule before we left. And, I know I should have arranged counseling when we got back, but things seemed to be going well, so I didn't want to pick at it. Now we are back to square one and regoing through it all again. She wants to tell the story to my family and friends to deter me from making this mistake again. She feels that she can not trust me and wants to walk away. Unfortunately it has taken me this long, but I don't want to lose her. What can I do to heal this relationship and make it better?

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