SORRY- HUGE POST!
I feel like I'm having a total crisis. I'm studying a creative course in London - I've always loved London, but since moving there it's not been all I hoped it would be.
- I've always been a hardworking, motivated person - I got really good GCSE, A-Level and Art Foundation results, and I've never had a problem before. I used to love being creative, but I feel like my course is killing my creativity and passion for things. It's not challenging me or exciting me like I thought it would
-The tutors are disorganised and don't give us enough support. They're lovely, but we all feel a little ignored and I don't feel like I'm thriving. I feel like I'm wasting "the best years of my life"
-I'm getting consistent grades: high 2:1s, but I feel like I'm no good at anything any more and all the things that used to interest me just don't
-My halls are strange: tucked away in a corner in South London, I feel distant and like I'm missing out on something. Lots of people are really negative about my halls, and although I haven't had a problem, the negativity is catching.
-I feel like I probably only chose my uni because it has a really good reputation and it's in London (there are only about four places in the country that do my course). I constantly wonder what my life would have been like if I had moved to Nottingham instead.
-Clubs and societies are almost impossible to join - our SU is miles away in the centre of London and nobody even goes. I never expected these kind of things to be so important, but in hindsight I would have loved to go to a place where I could join things.
-I feel like I never see any other people our age when we go out - everyone is a young professional and I don't feel like I belong here. it's not a student-friendly area
-Housing for next year is so stressful - there's six of us and it's really hard to find a house for this size group in London. Plus it's mega expensive.
-I've never suffered from mental health issues before, but have started showing symptoms of major depression and anxiety. I get overworked and anxious about the most ridiculous things. I used to be the most positive, happy, fun-loving person but I feel like that part has died.
-I miss my friends from home, and whenever I visit them they seem to have a great uni life, great student cities and it makes me wish I had gone to a proper campus uni like them. My uni friends are lovely, but they aren't the same kind of friends as I have at home, who I have years and years of memories with.
-I feel like I have lost all purpose - I don't feel like I'm learning or achieving anything and I find it hard to get motivation to even get out of bed, which is so strange for me, I've never been like this in my life.
-I've had a few traumatic relationship experiences in the last few months - I've made so many mistakes. I was in a long term relationship when I left for uni but split up with my boyfriend because it wasn't working for me. Although my ex wasn't right, being in a relationship made me feel secure and wanted I had a little crazy rebound phase after I split up from my boyfriend, which has made me feel worthless and cheap
- It's ridiculous but I feel like I can't function without some guy saying that they like me, even if they treat me badly. I like smart, funny, Indie-loving, gig-going guys, and I feel like I will never ever meet any of those. I did meet a really lovely one and we went on a date but we both got a little drunk & ended up having sex so I feel like I ruined it and gave the wrong impression of myself. He still texts me and said he wants to go for dinner but I feel like he will never ask me on a second date because I think I ****ed the first one up and probably spouted a load of rubbish because I was tipsy. My friends have read the texts and say he's still really interested & is waiting for me to get back to London after Easter, but I find it hard to believe that he likes me at all and he's just texting these long messages because he feels bad and doesn't want to tell me he's not interested!
-My course is 100% female and I don't know how I will ever meet any guys again. It's ridiculous because I'm only 20 but this doesn't stop me worrying
-My family are totally 100% supportive of any decision I make, and they said they won't mind if I drop out. I feel like I just want to come home, I can't handle the rejection and demotivation any more, I just want to get away from it. I want to feel how I used to feel!
BUT
-What if I regret this decision?
-What if the guy asks me on another date?
-What if the course gets better and the projects improve & make me feel more motivated?
-What if we find a really great house for next year?
-What will I do if I drop out - I feel like I'm no good at anything any more.. I feel like I've lost all of my creativity and it's been so long since I did anything academic, but I did used to love history the most. I loved having a job and feeling like I have a routine and a purpose, but I'm so indecisive that I would probably get bored of a dead end full time job pretty quickly.
I just have no idea what to do. If anyone actually read all of that then you deserve an award or something! I felt like I needed to write all of that down, even if nobody ever replies, but any support at all would be much appreciated! I feel like I've already annoyed my family and friends enough with all of this
xxxx
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment