This is an update to my emotionally draining situation.
So we had sex for the first time in 18 months. I understood that she was under a certain amount of stress with bills (As was I, but she sees it differently)
I told her if there was any chance of saving this marriage that she needed to take action. I was not about to keep trying to pull her closer when she didn't want to be close.
The other weekend I had a rare day off on a Sunday, a day she normally has off as well. I mentioned that if she wanted to try and make amends of any sorts, there was an opportunity. Whether she would take it or not was 50/50. I wasn't expecting anything.
She wanted to go out on a date, have a meal, watch a movie. I was not into the idea. Then she said "I know you're thinking about a lot of things right now. We can try to have sex." It had been 18 MONTHS...I was just going to do it because my body needed it.
After, the words "..try to..." stuck in my head. That, and the fact she wouldn't kiss me (She didn't want to mess up her lipstick was her reason).
Of course, after we went out but my mind was constantly analyzing the sex. My body had released that sexual frustration, for the time being. But there were emotions that weren't there.
I thought 'maybe this is the start to something new. Maybe there will be more next time. Maybe things will be different.'
Almost 2 weeks later, after doing some research on lube and buying some to make things more pleasant, I told her I would be going home early. That day I normally worked late but I mentioned I hoped that since it was her day off and the end of the day, that we could be more passionate about a love making session.
5 hours later (I had already been home for 4 hours) I received email that she was on her way home from work. Although a national holiday, she had to work. She said "I can't do it at this pace. You need to slow things down. I want to be honest."
I'm all for honesty, and if you're not in the mood, then by all means take time off. But 2 weeks earlier we had it for the first time in 18 months. How much slower does it get.
I knew talking about it would turn into a fight. I sent a polite message back telling her how I felt. I was no longer in the mood and no longer interested in having a conversation about sex. Her reply was "Let's go slower, like once a month maybe."
Right there, making it out to be a chore. Not cool. But this is where I have to ask the veterans on the board. How many people think I'm asking too much? How many think she's being selfish?
She said she would see a therapist (That hasn't happened) and a doctor about her hormones (That hasn't happened) and that she wanted a second chance, that has happened but the doors seem to be closing shut real fast.
I honestly think, right now, that if a young handsome man were to approach her, talk about how pretty she was and how nice her smile was, flirted and showed he had a physical attraction to her, that all those wonderful feelings would come back. I know, because that's happened to me. I just haven't acted on them. And it makes me feel like crap (Knowing I could possibly have a chance to get those feelings back but never giving myself the chance.)
Today was my day off and I've kept busy most of the day. I went to the gym, prepared my meals for the weekend, done shopping, kept cleaning (In case I do need to move quickly). Now it's back to feeling like crap. And I'm still sitting here trying to figure out how to make things work.
So we had sex for the first time in 18 months. I understood that she was under a certain amount of stress with bills (As was I, but she sees it differently)
I told her if there was any chance of saving this marriage that she needed to take action. I was not about to keep trying to pull her closer when she didn't want to be close.
The other weekend I had a rare day off on a Sunday, a day she normally has off as well. I mentioned that if she wanted to try and make amends of any sorts, there was an opportunity. Whether she would take it or not was 50/50. I wasn't expecting anything.
She wanted to go out on a date, have a meal, watch a movie. I was not into the idea. Then she said "I know you're thinking about a lot of things right now. We can try to have sex." It had been 18 MONTHS...I was just going to do it because my body needed it.
After, the words "..try to..." stuck in my head. That, and the fact she wouldn't kiss me (She didn't want to mess up her lipstick was her reason).
Of course, after we went out but my mind was constantly analyzing the sex. My body had released that sexual frustration, for the time being. But there were emotions that weren't there.
I thought 'maybe this is the start to something new. Maybe there will be more next time. Maybe things will be different.'
Almost 2 weeks later, after doing some research on lube and buying some to make things more pleasant, I told her I would be going home early. That day I normally worked late but I mentioned I hoped that since it was her day off and the end of the day, that we could be more passionate about a love making session.
5 hours later (I had already been home for 4 hours) I received email that she was on her way home from work. Although a national holiday, she had to work. She said "I can't do it at this pace. You need to slow things down. I want to be honest."
I'm all for honesty, and if you're not in the mood, then by all means take time off. But 2 weeks earlier we had it for the first time in 18 months. How much slower does it get.
I knew talking about it would turn into a fight. I sent a polite message back telling her how I felt. I was no longer in the mood and no longer interested in having a conversation about sex. Her reply was "Let's go slower, like once a month maybe."
Right there, making it out to be a chore. Not cool. But this is where I have to ask the veterans on the board. How many people think I'm asking too much? How many think she's being selfish?
She said she would see a therapist (That hasn't happened) and a doctor about her hormones (That hasn't happened) and that she wanted a second chance, that has happened but the doors seem to be closing shut real fast.
I honestly think, right now, that if a young handsome man were to approach her, talk about how pretty she was and how nice her smile was, flirted and showed he had a physical attraction to her, that all those wonderful feelings would come back. I know, because that's happened to me. I just haven't acted on them. And it makes me feel like crap (Knowing I could possibly have a chance to get those feelings back but never giving myself the chance.)
Today was my day off and I've kept busy most of the day. I went to the gym, prepared my meals for the weekend, done shopping, kept cleaning (In case I do need to move quickly). Now it's back to feeling like crap. And I'm still sitting here trying to figure out how to make things work.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment