Dear all,
I just got out of my first two year relationship a month ago. I will start from the start, how our relationship was and till the end and want to know if it is my fault or hers and who was in the wrong. Like i said above, this relationship was two years and at first it was perfect because we both agreed on many things and had a perfect time together but i started to wonder off and try and find a new me and think about life as a whole and decided to choose religion which caused restrictions in a relationship. Usually, you are not allowed a relationship in religion but i loved this girl so much that i just couldnt leave her, instead impose conditions such as no sex and that was literally the only one actually that involves her. At first she agreed and said i will happily wait till marriage for you and dont mind if we dont have sex. We are both 20 btw so marriage is quite far off as well. But soon, i started to change my mind and go back and forth with my decisions in religion a nd what i want and go from sex to no sex and so on which was annoying for her. Also i used to envy her going out with her friends and felt very jealous and kept my conversations with her dead on whatsapp . So arguments arose and all this was going on quite frequently in the last 6 months of the relationship. I was so stupid that sometimes i say i dont even think i want to marry her (but other times i did) or even take her on valentines day because i find it cheesy and never ever bought her a rose, only once and she asked for that but i always said i dont like these cheesy events and dont like to say i love you all the time because it takes its meaning out the more i say it. However, you are probably wondering that so far i am at fault but maybe im writing all this because im so hurt right now and blame myself and try to find excuses for her. I was a very good boyfriend as well though because i did show respect to her and the times where i did not have these mood swings, she loved spending time with me. All of the bad points mentioned above was 90% of the time on whatsapp but when we were together, we both loved it and she was always confused saying how im so nice to her when we meet up but completely different on text.
Anyway, the two months and a bit of the relationship, we never saw so basically, it was all arguments. She broke up with me out of nowhere after arguing and asking if i love her which i said no and said i like her and would never say i love a person until marriage for some stupid reason. I had a phobia of the typical teenage relationships. So she broke up and wanted her space and i was begging her to get back with her and saying i changed and everything and swore to her i will be back to how i was in the first year of our relationship and no more confusions on what faith or how i want to be as i snapped out of my confusion and decided i wanted to be the guy she loved because that also makes me happy. After begging and pleading her to take me back, she always argued and shouted and swore at me when i was speaking to her nicely until the other day when i was sending her so many sweet messages that i would love to compliment her all the time, buy her flowers, treat her like a pr incess that she deserves to be, she broke down and cried and called me saying i dont deserve her.... and told me a guy kissed her two days before she broke up with me and she felt horrible for that and ran away from him. But a week and a half after the break up and after getting kissed by this guy, she started sleeping with him as a **** buddy every other day and at the same time leading me on by saying she still loves me and that she still wanted space from me to decide and then eventually said she just wants to be friends. I accepted the fact the kiss was not her fault but the guys but it was a coincidence that the same guy which she says is really hot is now sleeping with her all the time. She always shouts at me saying she did not cheat on me because it was after the break up but all my friends are telling me that if she truly loved you she would of not had sex after a week and a bit. She says that it would only be wrong if she had feelings for the guy but she says that there are no feelings involved at all and it is just physical sex. No emotions. Please bare in mind that the beginning of this post makes me sound awful but it wasnt all the time like that, like 40% of the time and she also started arguments out of nowhere.
My friends tell me that yes it was my fault at first for doing all that, but they say if a girl loves you, they would never sleep with another guy after a week. ( even if me and her did not have sex for around 2 months). The reason im asking this is because i really wanted her back in my life and still do but also want to move on same time and basically i am just confused in what i want. I want to know who is in the wrong and if she is wrong for what she did and if ishould try and get back with her because despite all this and my friends saying im stupid for pursuing this, she is quite rude to me this month whilst im so nice and always saying that if we get back together, i have to try and take her out on a date and show her i changed and have a good time but im still really really hurt from what shes done. Why i consider this cheating is because it happened only after a week and this was a real relationship and if you love someone, you would not have sex with another person in at least a month. Furthermore, she did say that she loves me and still loves me whilst she was having sex with that guy. She also really upset me at times especially the day before valentines day where i planned to take her out and have a nice day and buy her flowers. I was willing to go all the weay to her which is 3 hour journey and back on the same day just to spend the day and she didnt know about this surprise but really insulted me the day before and i chose to not go. And after telling me about the kiss and having sex with that guy, she was crying so much when she told me and had sex two days after that and she always said it was only physical between them but one day she had an argument with a friend and went over to his during her perios and just cuddles and slept together. She wanted to see me though and see if this relationship can work and i planned on going and taking her out on the date but in the end after changing my mind so many times, i decided not to go as i feel i could not look at her the same way after what she done. I was really heartbroken and told her its best to leave it and move on and for her to not contact me and she was giving me calls which i didnt answer and messages telling me to "please come" so even after what shes doing, she wants me in her life and see if we can go out again but i dont know if when she says she loves me, she actually does after what shes doing with this guy.
I apologize for the long message and very grateful to anyone who reads and gives me a reply and will GIVE EVERY HONEST REPLY A RATING OR WHATEVER IT IS THEY WANT ON THEIR STUDENTROOM COMMENTS (JUST TELL ME HOW TO DO IT AND I WILL).
Put the internet to work for you.
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