I need some support on this recent flare up between the wife and I (sex related but broadens into entire relationship). Very quick back story from my other posts...wife never wants sex, lacks physical-emotional connection, have tried everything including talks, my last effort was to try games with sexual themes which she did but showed no effort in making her own or continuing my ideas so that fizzled. She has in the past yelled at me for "bugging" her for sex...bugging defined as asking twice in a day.
So after the games idea fizzled it went back to like once a month sex with me initiating and doing any moving whatsoever during sex. She got invited to an online toy and sexy clothing thing (where you buy stuff from people and they get free stuff for it) and she actually bought something...which i thought was a giant leap in the right direction. Then last night hits. I get home before bed and ask if she wants to do anything before bed. She says no she hasn't showered, so I said okay and went to shower. I was totally in the mood though and self pleasure was not going to cut it. So I thought I'd ask for a BJ or HJ. So we go up to bed and I get close to her with a smile, wrap my arms around her and say "Hey you". Her reply is "really? ugh". So i walk away. I say "why do you do that all the time? why do you respond to me getting close by making it seem like I'm bugging you?" She starts to raise her voice saying "I already said no once why are you even asking? You always bug me by asking after I've said no". (Let's forget the fact that 95% of the time it's NO) I say "I'm not going to get into an argument where i have to defend getting close and suggesting intimacy to my wife". Then she has the NERVE to say:
"Well we should talk I don't want to have to go through another *in whiny voice* 'we never have sex' talk again"
I said "are you kidding me?" and humored her by actually going into the argument...knowing she was going to lash out as i tried to keep it from turning into a fight. I said "and i wasn't even going to ask for sex I was going to ask for a BJ, god forbid i ask" I said "this is why I'm even scared to ask because you throw up a wall every time i do...not even knowing what i want". Then she replied:
"Well what am I supposed to do be a detective?"
I had enough of the smartass replies. I had enough of this argument over and over. Enough of her low drive, throwing up walls, not caring about my needs or emotions. I actually got out of bed and slept on the couch. She came down once and I just told her "go away, I'm finished with this issue. You are absolutely TOXIC and I refuse to be slapped around like this."
I swear if we did not have two small kids that probably would have been the break up right there. Yes it's my fault for having them with a wife who doesn't care for me but they are here and I love them to death. But more and more i keep asking myself to stop playing over and over in my head what I dont like about her, and say what I do like...and more and more the list gets shorter. She has no hobbies, she's not interested in getting any. She has no sex drive, or life drive. She's a good mom but I've seen her totally treat the kids the wrong way...and I have a suspicion all day she just watches TV and gets on the computer and doesn't interact with them. So what does she have...a decent mom who doesnt spend all our money and is okay to be around unless i feel intimate?
But I think what else am I supposed to do even if I did divorce? I hear horror stories about dating websites. I don't really meet girls often at work (the guy to girl ratio is like 50:1, old to young ratio like 10:1)...and i work in a group of 10 people. So stay together for the kids? We're supposed to move into a new house soon too but now I'm thinking should I do that? I just need some support. I feel so stuck. And I cant stand to see her walk around all day today with an attitude like she was in the right last night...
So after the games idea fizzled it went back to like once a month sex with me initiating and doing any moving whatsoever during sex. She got invited to an online toy and sexy clothing thing (where you buy stuff from people and they get free stuff for it) and she actually bought something...which i thought was a giant leap in the right direction. Then last night hits. I get home before bed and ask if she wants to do anything before bed. She says no she hasn't showered, so I said okay and went to shower. I was totally in the mood though and self pleasure was not going to cut it. So I thought I'd ask for a BJ or HJ. So we go up to bed and I get close to her with a smile, wrap my arms around her and say "Hey you". Her reply is "really? ugh". So i walk away. I say "why do you do that all the time? why do you respond to me getting close by making it seem like I'm bugging you?" She starts to raise her voice saying "I already said no once why are you even asking? You always bug me by asking after I've said no". (Let's forget the fact that 95% of the time it's NO) I say "I'm not going to get into an argument where i have to defend getting close and suggesting intimacy to my wife". Then she has the NERVE to say:
"Well we should talk I don't want to have to go through another *in whiny voice* 'we never have sex' talk again"
I said "are you kidding me?" and humored her by actually going into the argument...knowing she was going to lash out as i tried to keep it from turning into a fight. I said "and i wasn't even going to ask for sex I was going to ask for a BJ, god forbid i ask" I said "this is why I'm even scared to ask because you throw up a wall every time i do...not even knowing what i want". Then she replied:
"Well what am I supposed to do be a detective?"
I had enough of the smartass replies. I had enough of this argument over and over. Enough of her low drive, throwing up walls, not caring about my needs or emotions. I actually got out of bed and slept on the couch. She came down once and I just told her "go away, I'm finished with this issue. You are absolutely TOXIC and I refuse to be slapped around like this."
I swear if we did not have two small kids that probably would have been the break up right there. Yes it's my fault for having them with a wife who doesn't care for me but they are here and I love them to death. But more and more i keep asking myself to stop playing over and over in my head what I dont like about her, and say what I do like...and more and more the list gets shorter. She has no hobbies, she's not interested in getting any. She has no sex drive, or life drive. She's a good mom but I've seen her totally treat the kids the wrong way...and I have a suspicion all day she just watches TV and gets on the computer and doesn't interact with them. So what does she have...a decent mom who doesnt spend all our money and is okay to be around unless i feel intimate?
But I think what else am I supposed to do even if I did divorce? I hear horror stories about dating websites. I don't really meet girls often at work (the guy to girl ratio is like 50:1, old to young ratio like 10:1)...and i work in a group of 10 people. So stay together for the kids? We're supposed to move into a new house soon too but now I'm thinking should I do that? I just need some support. I feel so stuck. And I cant stand to see her walk around all day today with an attitude like she was in the right last night...
Put the internet to work for you.
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