Hi all, I'm new here and desperate for advice. I'll try and be as short as possible with my story.
I met my husband when I was 23 and he was 25, through friends on a night out. I was single, had a 3 year old child, rented my own house which I had done since 18 and was working as a medical secretary at this time. He was living at home with his parents and working in a textile factory. We fell in love pretty quick and he moved in pretty quick to my house. We had a pretty tempestous relationship at first, we were very very close, something everyone commented on and I remember being kind of blown by the fact that I could be myself with him and he accepted it but lots of arguments as we were trying to get to know each other whilst living with each other. We met in 1998 and by 2002 we had bought a house, got married and then had our daughter who is now 12. The usual ups and downs ensued but all in all we remained very much in love and very close, the silly arguments stopped.
In the last 7 years he has been made redundant 3 times, we have had serious financial problems, the house was nearly taken off us. My dad drowned in an accident 4 years ago, the following year my daughter was raped at age 16, year after that we had to go through a court case for that. All this has really changed me. I've suffered depression and panic attacks from being 18 but had a recent exacerbation of this.
I have long been frustrated with my husband's differing attitude to live from me but we have worked it out because hey that's life, we can't all be the same. But I feel I have outgrown him in a way. One of my major issues is that I am in complete control of the finances, and everything else, regarding kids, day to day living etc etc. I have tried MANY times telling him I am increasingly unhappy with this and I really need him to pick up some responsibility because I feel on my own. This was highlighted more for me in the last few years when we have had so many problems. But he kind of agrees with me, says sorry but doesn't change. I've been honest, Ive asked him will it take me to leave him before he realises? What else can I do? This isn't a simple little issue, it's consuming my life. I crave someone that can take control, so that I feel safe and looked after, cared for.
Let me tell you my husband is a very good guy, he's a wonderful father and although they've had issues him and my oldest (his stepdaughter) love each other very much and he's been there for her. He's a serious hard worker and will work all the hours god sends. I feel bad, guilty and slightly selfish about all this. I love him and he makes me laugh but I have reached the point where I feel I am not the same person. I really want to feel cared for, like someone looks out for me. He doesn't at all, he never sticks up for me in arguments with mutual friends, he belittles my beliefs in life, gets mad if I try and discuss our future finances, will leave the room and generally doesn't listen. I know from the way he was brought up he can't deal with confrontation.
Some advice would be greatly appreciated because I am at the end of my tether here!!!
I met my husband when I was 23 and he was 25, through friends on a night out. I was single, had a 3 year old child, rented my own house which I had done since 18 and was working as a medical secretary at this time. He was living at home with his parents and working in a textile factory. We fell in love pretty quick and he moved in pretty quick to my house. We had a pretty tempestous relationship at first, we were very very close, something everyone commented on and I remember being kind of blown by the fact that I could be myself with him and he accepted it but lots of arguments as we were trying to get to know each other whilst living with each other. We met in 1998 and by 2002 we had bought a house, got married and then had our daughter who is now 12. The usual ups and downs ensued but all in all we remained very much in love and very close, the silly arguments stopped.
In the last 7 years he has been made redundant 3 times, we have had serious financial problems, the house was nearly taken off us. My dad drowned in an accident 4 years ago, the following year my daughter was raped at age 16, year after that we had to go through a court case for that. All this has really changed me. I've suffered depression and panic attacks from being 18 but had a recent exacerbation of this.
I have long been frustrated with my husband's differing attitude to live from me but we have worked it out because hey that's life, we can't all be the same. But I feel I have outgrown him in a way. One of my major issues is that I am in complete control of the finances, and everything else, regarding kids, day to day living etc etc. I have tried MANY times telling him I am increasingly unhappy with this and I really need him to pick up some responsibility because I feel on my own. This was highlighted more for me in the last few years when we have had so many problems. But he kind of agrees with me, says sorry but doesn't change. I've been honest, Ive asked him will it take me to leave him before he realises? What else can I do? This isn't a simple little issue, it's consuming my life. I crave someone that can take control, so that I feel safe and looked after, cared for.
Let me tell you my husband is a very good guy, he's a wonderful father and although they've had issues him and my oldest (his stepdaughter) love each other very much and he's been there for her. He's a serious hard worker and will work all the hours god sends. I feel bad, guilty and slightly selfish about all this. I love him and he makes me laugh but I have reached the point where I feel I am not the same person. I really want to feel cared for, like someone looks out for me. He doesn't at all, he never sticks up for me in arguments with mutual friends, he belittles my beliefs in life, gets mad if I try and discuss our future finances, will leave the room and generally doesn't listen. I know from the way he was brought up he can't deal with confrontation.
Some advice would be greatly appreciated because I am at the end of my tether here!!!
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