Just putting the feelers out there to see what people think about a situation I've found myself in and what you would do.
Whilst at Uni I became really good friends with a guy. We got on from the first day and we were both on long courses and so spent 4 and a half years living together in all, doing almost everything together as we seemed to have everything in common. It was fair to say we were best friends and had even discussed being each-others best men (he got on really well with my fiancee at the time who was living back home). He had a great sense of humour but was incredibly naive, despite this he had a very refreshing and trusting outlook on the world which made him a pleasure to be around (and was well liked by lots of people in Uni).
Then he met a girl at work. I noticed small changes in him quite early on in their relationship. He started saying he liked different things that he'd never even mentioned before (music sports etc.) and even started speaking in the same accent as the girl. A month or so in he stopped drinking alcohol, left our band and stopped socialising with me completely. Within 3 months he had moved out and was living with his girlfriend.
Whenever I tried to make arrangements to see him something would come up (she would have a migraine etc.) when I did eventually get him out the house he had lost nearly 2 stone in weight. He looked terrible as he had always suited having a bit of weight on him. He said that she had him going to weight watchers and could only eat certain things etc. and also disclosed that she'd mentioned that she wanted to get married soon and start thinking about children (she's a bit older than him). A few days later I received a call saying he was going to propose to her that night - all of this was within 6 months of meeting. Sure enough they got engaged and I was invited around for dinner later that month.
When I went around I was really shocked to see the way she was treating him, it was more like how someone would treat a dog than a partner. She sat there instructing him to do everything and making really sarcastic and degrading remarks. He never had high self esteem anyway but she really picked on him. In short, she was very clearly emotionally bullying him and manipulating him. I tried to raise my concerns about this whilst I was there but she became very aggressive and nasty so I left. I moved away from Uni back home and it became very difficult to get in contact with him. I did manage to have a phone call where he told me I was wrong about the bullying and that he was happy with her and that they'd set a date for the wedding etc.
I was getting married the same month and this guy was supposed to be my best man but he didn't turn up for the stag do and then on the wedding day tried to leave the church before the ceremony because she had phoned him at the church saying she'd broken down and he had to come in a taxi to pick her up. At the evening reception she caused a big scene because me and my (now) wife were "more couply" than they were - IT WAS OUR WEDDING DAY! She stormed out crying and then slapped my friend in front of everyone. I phoned him the say after and he apologised (she never apologised for making a scene) and said it was all sorted.
I was due to be his best man a few months later, however about 2 months before I received a text out of the blue saying "I think it would be best if you weren't the best man anymore but we still want you at the wedding". I phoned him up and it was clear it was her decision, despite his protests the contrary as he couldn't even give me a reason for the change of heart. I ended up saying exactly what I thought of her that I thought she was a bully and a manipulator and she was trying to change him (both physically and in personality) in to something he is not. It ended in quite an upsetting 4-way conversation over speaker phone between my friend, wife, her and I where she really showed her true colours and just how nasty she could be.
This was exactly a year ago today. Despite ending the conversation a year ago with agreeing that we all needed to just cool off and talk after the wedding she deleted me from facebook the same day and then he followed suit/she did it for him a few weeks after. I've heard nothing from them since but I know they are now married.
I still think about him a lot and wish I could have the old him back as a friend. Part of me thinks that if this is what he's like now then maybe I don't want anything to do with him but the thing is I know that it's her manipulating him and changing him in to someone she wants him to be to suit her ticking biological clock. I have a feeling any attempts at contact would be beaten down by her quickly as she never really liked me and I think it probably suits her better having me out of their lives as I challenged her behavior and tried to get him to see what she was doing.
If he is genuinely happy with her then fine I'll just let it be and move on but I really don't think he is but whilst he's with her I don't think he'll realise the tricks and manipulation she is playing. I want to make contact again to try and salvage something but think maybe too much time has passed now. It sounds selfish but I wish he'd never met her. I've lost a best friend and she's got her own way (me out the picture and her ex-boyfriend as the best man). If you made it to here then you are a trooper. What are your thoughts?
Put the internet to work for you.
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