I don't want to be THAT parent. I don't want to the one who blindly sides with my kid, no matter what he does. Having said that, the BF absolutely DID NOT handle the situation like an adult and admits that. He has apologized to my son for the way he acted, but stands behind his feelings.
Story:
My son is a GREAT kid. He is nearly 17, makes great grades, doesn't do any of the normal things that teenagers do. He never talks back (to me) doesn't sneak out, drink, smoke, etc. He does cuss on occasion, which I have only recently started getting onto him about doing in front of me and the BF because the BF doesn't like it.
The other night, while I was out tending the farm animals, apparently my son showed "disrespect" to my boyfriend. He is very anal about keeping the house clean, and while my son does keep his room picked up, does dishes on his night, picks up after himself, and does his own laundry once a week, sometimes he leaves coke cans in his bedroom wastebasket. My BF is VERY worried about roaches and bugs and such, and has asked him on numerous occasions to empty the basket, which my son admittedly does only when he feels like it.
So they get into it about that. My son brings up "when we lived in our other house (before we moved in with the BF 6 months ago) I changed my garbage when I felt like it." Somehow this sets the BF off and he said ugly things, including cussing at my son. Kid ends up crying. (Which of course pisses me off to no end.)
They had a pretty good relationship up until that point. It took my son a while to warm up to my BF, and this has pretty much ruined their relationship.
I "broke up" with him that night. I feel like he is emotionally immature at times. This is not the first time he has thrown a temper tantrum (Later that night, after we got into it, he threw dinner into the back yard.) We slept in separate rooms. Yesterday we talked, argued, had sex (!!! he is VERY LD and never wants to, but we did TWICE yesterday) argued some more, talked some more. I told him I still don't know if I want to stay with him or not.
This morning it was more of the same. He did sleep in the bedroom with me last night. My son did say he was glad that he apologized to him, but he was not his "buddy" anymore. Breaks my heart into pieces.
My BF said he feels like the "third wheel" or the "red headed stepchild" a lot of the time between me and my two boys. And I do understand that his "position" in our unit is hard to define. He is not thier father, he isn't even a step father, but he is not a peer, nor is he really in a position to asset authority. He has tried hard to make us all fit into a mold of "family unit" and does cook for us (he loves to cook, we do not expect it.) We do thank him for it, and we usually sit down and eat as a family. But he gets his feelings REALLY hurt if one of us just happens to not like something he has prepared. We are an honest group, and say what we mean. He has a hard time hearing it sometimes. He said he feels taken for granted, even though I am always thanking him and telling him how much I appreciate him.
I don't know if I want to stay and try to work this out or not. Most of my (single mom) girlfriends are telling me that I need to kick his butt to the curb for treating my child so poorly.
:( Advice? :(
Story:
My son is a GREAT kid. He is nearly 17, makes great grades, doesn't do any of the normal things that teenagers do. He never talks back (to me) doesn't sneak out, drink, smoke, etc. He does cuss on occasion, which I have only recently started getting onto him about doing in front of me and the BF because the BF doesn't like it.
The other night, while I was out tending the farm animals, apparently my son showed "disrespect" to my boyfriend. He is very anal about keeping the house clean, and while my son does keep his room picked up, does dishes on his night, picks up after himself, and does his own laundry once a week, sometimes he leaves coke cans in his bedroom wastebasket. My BF is VERY worried about roaches and bugs and such, and has asked him on numerous occasions to empty the basket, which my son admittedly does only when he feels like it.
So they get into it about that. My son brings up "when we lived in our other house (before we moved in with the BF 6 months ago) I changed my garbage when I felt like it." Somehow this sets the BF off and he said ugly things, including cussing at my son. Kid ends up crying. (Which of course pisses me off to no end.)
They had a pretty good relationship up until that point. It took my son a while to warm up to my BF, and this has pretty much ruined their relationship.
I "broke up" with him that night. I feel like he is emotionally immature at times. This is not the first time he has thrown a temper tantrum (Later that night, after we got into it, he threw dinner into the back yard.) We slept in separate rooms. Yesterday we talked, argued, had sex (!!! he is VERY LD and never wants to, but we did TWICE yesterday) argued some more, talked some more. I told him I still don't know if I want to stay with him or not.
This morning it was more of the same. He did sleep in the bedroom with me last night. My son did say he was glad that he apologized to him, but he was not his "buddy" anymore. Breaks my heart into pieces.
My BF said he feels like the "third wheel" or the "red headed stepchild" a lot of the time between me and my two boys. And I do understand that his "position" in our unit is hard to define. He is not thier father, he isn't even a step father, but he is not a peer, nor is he really in a position to asset authority. He has tried hard to make us all fit into a mold of "family unit" and does cook for us (he loves to cook, we do not expect it.) We do thank him for it, and we usually sit down and eat as a family. But he gets his feelings REALLY hurt if one of us just happens to not like something he has prepared. We are an honest group, and say what we mean. He has a hard time hearing it sometimes. He said he feels taken for granted, even though I am always thanking him and telling him how much I appreciate him.
I don't know if I want to stay and try to work this out or not. Most of my (single mom) girlfriends are telling me that I need to kick his butt to the curb for treating my child so poorly.
:( Advice? :(
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