My relationship turned sexless on the day we got married - no sex on our wedding night and no sex on our honeymoon (we had one night at a top of the range luxury hotel). I've been married nearly 2 years (we're both in our fifties and empty nesters) and in the past year we've had sex 10 times. Each time I had to practically beg for it, crying about our relationship and how undesirable and humiliated I feel because my husband doesn't want me. I then found TAM earlier this year and by reading other posts and comments, I realise that we're in quite a dire situation and that addressing the problems we have is going to be an uphill challenge. Firstly I still haven't been able to make my LDH understand just how seriously this is affecting our whole marriage. If he ever does take that on board, I then have the problem of trying to get my H to join in with me to do something about this. This is what I've been trying to do for the past year, with absolutely n o understanding or effort from him at all.
Another problem I have is my H's personal hygiene - he has not bathed or showered for 2 weeks now and, although I've changed the bedding four times since he last bathed, I just don't like getting into bed with him any more. I certainly don't want to touch his skin at all and don't want him touching me - the thought of letting him put his penis inside me just disgusts me right now. He has a bad back this week which is making it difficult for him to do anything other than lie on the bed all day (last week it was an upset stomach) and needed help putting on his socks yesterday. I knelt at his feet to put his socks on and his feet were just so covered in dirt that I felt sick - I really didn't want to touch him. I've spoken to him time and again about his personal hygiene, but things seem to be getting worse rather than better. From what I've heard him oversaying to other men when they chat, he thinks avoiding washing is a masculine trait and thinks that men only wash if the ir wives insist on it. I've tried telling him that all the men I know choose to bathe or shower daily without having to be nagged to do it but he doesn't seem to believe this or realise just how important it is to keep clean. I know lack of washing is a sign of depression, but this is not depression - this is laziness and a misunderstanding of how men are expected to take care of their personal hygiene.
It's been more than 7 weeks since we last had sex and, to be quite honest, if he tried to initiate at the moment (bearing in mind that I am absolutely desperate to have sex) I would turn him down as I've begun to feel physically repulsed by him. I don't want his dirty, smelly skin next to mine. I am pretty devastated at this - I began my marriage with such high hopes for the future. In fact, I would rather move into a different bedroom and sleep alone in a bed that is clean and smells nice. I spend the night sleeping right on the edge of the bed as far away from his smell as I can get and so that there is less chance of our bodies touching during the night.
My sex life at the moment is basically masturbation (hand or vibe) when I manage to get a little privacy. I usually have to do this standing up in the bathroom, with the extractor fan on to cover the noise of the vibe. Until very recently, I would fantasize about my H while I masturbated. However, over the past week or two, that just won't do it for me any more and I've started fantasizing about others instead.
We went out to a local bar last night and again, a man who has recently been showing a little interest in me was there and flirted with me. My husband thought it was really funny that this guy "fancies the pants" off me (as he put it), probably getting quite a buzz that other men were looking at his wife. However, when this guy stood next to me, he smelled so clean I nearly swooned with desire!
I suppose what I'm getting at here is that the lack of desire from my husband, combined with his worsening personal hygiene has killed any desire I had for him and I've now lost my mojo for him. I know myself, know from past relationships just how difficult it can be to put things right when they go wrong. I'm really not sure now that I will ever sexually desire my H again.
Another problem I have is my H's personal hygiene - he has not bathed or showered for 2 weeks now and, although I've changed the bedding four times since he last bathed, I just don't like getting into bed with him any more. I certainly don't want to touch his skin at all and don't want him touching me - the thought of letting him put his penis inside me just disgusts me right now. He has a bad back this week which is making it difficult for him to do anything other than lie on the bed all day (last week it was an upset stomach) and needed help putting on his socks yesterday. I knelt at his feet to put his socks on and his feet were just so covered in dirt that I felt sick - I really didn't want to touch him. I've spoken to him time and again about his personal hygiene, but things seem to be getting worse rather than better. From what I've heard him oversaying to other men when they chat, he thinks avoiding washing is a masculine trait and thinks that men only wash if the ir wives insist on it. I've tried telling him that all the men I know choose to bathe or shower daily without having to be nagged to do it but he doesn't seem to believe this or realise just how important it is to keep clean. I know lack of washing is a sign of depression, but this is not depression - this is laziness and a misunderstanding of how men are expected to take care of their personal hygiene.
It's been more than 7 weeks since we last had sex and, to be quite honest, if he tried to initiate at the moment (bearing in mind that I am absolutely desperate to have sex) I would turn him down as I've begun to feel physically repulsed by him. I don't want his dirty, smelly skin next to mine. I am pretty devastated at this - I began my marriage with such high hopes for the future. In fact, I would rather move into a different bedroom and sleep alone in a bed that is clean and smells nice. I spend the night sleeping right on the edge of the bed as far away from his smell as I can get and so that there is less chance of our bodies touching during the night.
My sex life at the moment is basically masturbation (hand or vibe) when I manage to get a little privacy. I usually have to do this standing up in the bathroom, with the extractor fan on to cover the noise of the vibe. Until very recently, I would fantasize about my H while I masturbated. However, over the past week or two, that just won't do it for me any more and I've started fantasizing about others instead.
We went out to a local bar last night and again, a man who has recently been showing a little interest in me was there and flirted with me. My husband thought it was really funny that this guy "fancies the pants" off me (as he put it), probably getting quite a buzz that other men were looking at his wife. However, when this guy stood next to me, he smelled so clean I nearly swooned with desire!
I suppose what I'm getting at here is that the lack of desire from my husband, combined with his worsening personal hygiene has killed any desire I had for him and I've now lost my mojo for him. I know myself, know from past relationships just how difficult it can be to put things right when they go wrong. I'm really not sure now that I will ever sexually desire my H again.
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