Am I handling this appropriately?

Background...For the past year my husband has been having a difficult time sexually either not being able to orgasm, or not being able to maintain an erection. He says it is not me when I ask so I accepted that as an answer but I still worried. Now that he is working the night shift there is no time for us we see each other any where between 3- 9 hours a week. The other day I asked if how long he would last meaning do you have time. He said no that he masturbated that morning. Well, I don't have a problem with masturbating if anything I encourage it but since we are no longer having sex regularly it is concerning. He has never initiated because he says i always tell him no which is absolutely not true. I'm sure I've said no because I was too tired or not feeling well. He says there is only so many times he can be rejected. I think he needs to be able to tell the difference between "feeling" rejected and being rejected. I think it is very immatur e of him and again its deflecting the problems blame on ME. So I asked him if he had been watching porn because I have been against it from the beginning of our marriage and we have had problems with it in the past and he agreed to not do it again out of respect for my feelings. I even went as far last time to say, "I'm here if you want it ask for it! If I catch you again I may file for divorce." Well, since I asked him and he said no I knew he was lying because I gave him dirty pictures of me to look at for that reason. I knew he was lying so I snooped and found sites through flash cookies. I confronted him and told him just because he is in incognito mode I can still see what sites he has visited through those shared objects and then he said yeah I did look at it but only for research when i hear a new term like oral cream pie. I said there are more pages then research. Then he said maybe its because he lets people use his phone at work in the shower house when they are hanging out and saying, hey have you seen that video, they use his phone. I replied you must think i am sooooo stupid. Whenever you want to treat me like a smart adult that is your wife then you can talk to me. He said, i don't know what the big deal is its not like its affecting our relationship. Wow, does he really mean that? we have gone through this already. I said to him, that nice wife that is loving and supportive and does everything for you is gone until you want to be honest with me. I was leaving for the weekend to visit his folks so i said don't expect to hear from me. FYI, i ask him to email me while he is at work so we can keep in touch and i won't feel so lonely in our marriage and he never does unless he is horny talking about what he wants to do to me every blue moon. then he emailed me last night saying his night isn't going good how about mine? he always acts like this after an argument, like nothing has happened.

now my question. Am i handling this right by ignoring him? I feel that is abusive as well. What would be some healthy ways to handle this? Today is my birthday, and I doubt he will tell me happy birthday. I never get gifts, or cards, it seems the whole world revolves around him all the time, and everything is either my fault or there is some valid excuse for everything. I am considering a divorce this time because it is getting to be more difficult for me to forgive or have any patience especially when so many things are the matter and not getting any better.

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