My wife and I are on very different sexual wavelengths. When we first met, we were on the same page and had sex at least once a day. This continued until she got sick - a sickness which consumed 2.5 years of her life until the doctors figured it out, and is now 'managed'.
Her sickness caused her much pain during sex, so naturally our sex life fell off. I stayed committed to her and we got married as planned (before she got diagnosed). Her illness caused much strain on our marriage, since I was carrying a larger percentage of the burden as she was unable. She would often feel like I'd be better off without her, etc - but we stuck through it.
We still have our share of problems, many of which I feel stem from her illness, but I think we've come through somewhat stronger than we went in.
Our sex life, however, has taken a permanent hit. If I don't initiate sex, she doesn't - I've gone over a month waiting for her to do something - even start a kiss - but nothing happens. If I initiate, she becomes willing quickly enough (sex doesn't usually cause her pain anymore), but I'm always the one making every single sexual decision - position, timing, etc. I've asked her to get more engaged and take some initiative, but this discussion inevitably ends with her crying because she feels like she is a failure, and me feeling like an ass.
Lately, I've stopped initiating sex many times because I feel I don't get much more gratification than if I masturbated, and masturbation is far less effort. My sexual frustration have led me to thoughts of having an affair on more than one occasion - not helped by my getting offers on occasion. So far I've stayed true.
I've considered divorce from time to time, however our marriage is largely fine, and we have two fantastic children who would be devastated if we split.
So my question is - what do I do? Is there any light at the end of this tunnel?
Her sickness caused her much pain during sex, so naturally our sex life fell off. I stayed committed to her and we got married as planned (before she got diagnosed). Her illness caused much strain on our marriage, since I was carrying a larger percentage of the burden as she was unable. She would often feel like I'd be better off without her, etc - but we stuck through it.
We still have our share of problems, many of which I feel stem from her illness, but I think we've come through somewhat stronger than we went in.
Our sex life, however, has taken a permanent hit. If I don't initiate sex, she doesn't - I've gone over a month waiting for her to do something - even start a kiss - but nothing happens. If I initiate, she becomes willing quickly enough (sex doesn't usually cause her pain anymore), but I'm always the one making every single sexual decision - position, timing, etc. I've asked her to get more engaged and take some initiative, but this discussion inevitably ends with her crying because she feels like she is a failure, and me feeling like an ass.
Lately, I've stopped initiating sex many times because I feel I don't get much more gratification than if I masturbated, and masturbation is far less effort. My sexual frustration have led me to thoughts of having an affair on more than one occasion - not helped by my getting offers on occasion. So far I've stayed true.
I've considered divorce from time to time, however our marriage is largely fine, and we have two fantastic children who would be devastated if we split.
So my question is - what do I do? Is there any light at the end of this tunnel?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment