I posted a couple of threads yesterday, but thought I would go more in depth today. I am 36 my wife is 34 and we have been married slightly over 3 years. No kids yet. First marriage for us both. We were best friends for 10 years, strictly platonic. We date for 5 months and married. It seems like from the instant we said I do things changed. We went from lots of affection to little.
I have a PhD and a good job, making ~75K a year. I am overweight (6'3" 280) but working on it.
She does not work. When we got married she was a teacher but wanted sometime off. I had no problem with that as I really don't care if she works. Three years later she occasionally talks about getting a job but never does. As I said, except for the fact I think maybe she needs it, I don't mind this. She is 5'4" and 250.
Things right now are especially bad. She does not brush her teeth most days. She uses this as an excuse to keep from kissing me. She showers 1-2 times a week.
We are supposed to be trying to conceive right now but sex is not very frequent. Basically a couple times a month. She is currently on clomid, but these issues started long before the clomid. From the time we got married she has done the shower and teeth thing. Of course she did not do that before marriage.
She seems to sit around the house and play on the computer, watch tv, and play video games. I have suggested a job. Suggested volunteering. Suggested counseling. Nothing works.
I know I am a door mat at times. I let her get away with bossing me around. When I am home it seems like I do everything. I cook most of our meals. Do at least half the laundry. Help with the cleaning. Yet I get no respect. If I tell people I am a Dr she says "you are not a real doctor".
I don't know what to do. I know I need to quit being a door mat. I know I need to get in shape. But I am not sure what to do about her. I tried talking to her today. Told her that something is wrong when she does not take care of herself. She told me she hates when I make problems where there are none.
I am tired of being disrespected. I am tired of my daily affection being a split second kiss at night. I love her and don't know what to do.
I have a PhD and a good job, making ~75K a year. I am overweight (6'3" 280) but working on it.
She does not work. When we got married she was a teacher but wanted sometime off. I had no problem with that as I really don't care if she works. Three years later she occasionally talks about getting a job but never does. As I said, except for the fact I think maybe she needs it, I don't mind this. She is 5'4" and 250.
Things right now are especially bad. She does not brush her teeth most days. She uses this as an excuse to keep from kissing me. She showers 1-2 times a week.
We are supposed to be trying to conceive right now but sex is not very frequent. Basically a couple times a month. She is currently on clomid, but these issues started long before the clomid. From the time we got married she has done the shower and teeth thing. Of course she did not do that before marriage.
She seems to sit around the house and play on the computer, watch tv, and play video games. I have suggested a job. Suggested volunteering. Suggested counseling. Nothing works.
I know I am a door mat at times. I let her get away with bossing me around. When I am home it seems like I do everything. I cook most of our meals. Do at least half the laundry. Help with the cleaning. Yet I get no respect. If I tell people I am a Dr she says "you are not a real doctor".
I don't know what to do. I know I need to quit being a door mat. I know I need to get in shape. But I am not sure what to do about her. I tried talking to her today. Told her that something is wrong when she does not take care of herself. She told me she hates when I make problems where there are none.
I am tired of being disrespected. I am tired of my daily affection being a split second kiss at night. I love her and don't know what to do.
Put the internet to work for you.
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