Please bear with me... On a scale of 1 – 10...
Let's say the wedding day (about 20 years ago) was a 10.
Let's say, about 6-7 months ago, the high school calls me to pick up our son and take him to the ER for a Suicide Evaluation. He's a mess.
That day the marriage hits a -10. It literally can't get any worse.
(ok, scale is -10 to +10.....)
A little back story – We're both 50 now. Things started sliding noticeably after 5 years. Wife (and her family it seems) has anger management issues. No big deal until about 6-7 years ago. Nothing physical. All verbal. Full bore thermonuclear events. Directed towards me and (more stunningly) the kids. I start taking notes.
When the Suicide Eval/ER Visit hit I had already fully vetted the divorce process. A few days after the ER I sat down with my attorney who really wants a piece of her ass. I didn't give the green light due to stabilizing our son being Priority Number One and wife agreeing to my demands to leave him alone so we (really "I", she's turning a blind eye to it all) can figure out how to fix this or coast this marriage towards its demise.
Forward to now (sorry if I'm rambling), I'm exhausted. I'm empty. Predictably, the current peace from her is contrived and coerced. Both kids see that. Daughter told me a year ago out of the blue that she would live with me in case of divorce. Son really wants nothing to do with her.
We are in MC for the 2nd time. Took 4 yrs to get her to MC #1. She has her own psych now. Son saw a psych over the summer and was discharged (he's fine). Over the summer we had 3 psych's going at one time. So, yea.......
To her credit, she does "seem" to be trying to improve on her innate ways even though her anger/indignation simmers under the surface and shows itself from time to time. Things like trust, love, passion, desire, companionship are gone for me. What we have is a façade, a truce, and now the holidays, that's keeping things going.
So has anyone seen a couple recover from anything like of this?
It seems impossible. I feel that I'm wasting my (and her) time and energy. She's uber-catholic so, while I'm prepared if she beats me to it, it's unlikely she'll serve me papers. At home I'm always "on guard". The thought of sex (even an affair) makes me want to run for the hills (so much for guy stereotypes). It's been almost 2 years since I've said an unprompted "I Love You". Our 20th anniversary passed like a silent fart in church. The thought of waking up in my 70's or 80's being married to someone who can't say anything good about me (Hmmm, just like my parents. And hers) makes me want to throw up.
Any odds makers here? Time to end it?
(did I just answer my own question?)
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Let's say the wedding day (about 20 years ago) was a 10.
Let's say, about 6-7 months ago, the high school calls me to pick up our son and take him to the ER for a Suicide Evaluation. He's a mess.
That day the marriage hits a -10. It literally can't get any worse.
(ok, scale is -10 to +10.....)
A little back story – We're both 50 now. Things started sliding noticeably after 5 years. Wife (and her family it seems) has anger management issues. No big deal until about 6-7 years ago. Nothing physical. All verbal. Full bore thermonuclear events. Directed towards me and (more stunningly) the kids. I start taking notes.
When the Suicide Eval/ER Visit hit I had already fully vetted the divorce process. A few days after the ER I sat down with my attorney who really wants a piece of her ass. I didn't give the green light due to stabilizing our son being Priority Number One and wife agreeing to my demands to leave him alone so we (really "I", she's turning a blind eye to it all) can figure out how to fix this or coast this marriage towards its demise.
Forward to now (sorry if I'm rambling), I'm exhausted. I'm empty. Predictably, the current peace from her is contrived and coerced. Both kids see that. Daughter told me a year ago out of the blue that she would live with me in case of divorce. Son really wants nothing to do with her.
We are in MC for the 2nd time. Took 4 yrs to get her to MC #1. She has her own psych now. Son saw a psych over the summer and was discharged (he's fine). Over the summer we had 3 psych's going at one time. So, yea.......
To her credit, she does "seem" to be trying to improve on her innate ways even though her anger/indignation simmers under the surface and shows itself from time to time. Things like trust, love, passion, desire, companionship are gone for me. What we have is a façade, a truce, and now the holidays, that's keeping things going.
So has anyone seen a couple recover from anything like of this?
It seems impossible. I feel that I'm wasting my (and her) time and energy. She's uber-catholic so, while I'm prepared if she beats me to it, it's unlikely she'll serve me papers. At home I'm always "on guard". The thought of sex (even an affair) makes me want to run for the hills (so much for guy stereotypes). It's been almost 2 years since I've said an unprompted "I Love You". Our 20th anniversary passed like a silent fart in church. The thought of waking up in my 70's or 80's being married to someone who can't say anything good about me (Hmmm, just like my parents. And hers) makes me want to throw up.
Any odds makers here? Time to end it?
(did I just answer my own question?)
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
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