Hi everyone, I'm a girl who just turned 20. One of my closest female friend (let's call her A, who's the same age as me) has fancied guy X for nearly half a year when something really bad has happened and it almost costed us our friendship - basically, I made out a few times with him and it made her devastated. Although we're still close now, I can't help but feel there's a line between us and I feel like I need to talk this out.
Before you make any assumptions, please listen to my story: Prior to this, I've never ever kissed any guys - I was one of those "goody two shoes" and assumed no guys will like me because I'm not one of those outgoing and pretty girls (btw, I'm not saying guys are all superficial but the majority are more attracted to such girls tbf).
So about a year ago, we both met guy X, whom we instantly clicked with. We became really good friends and my friend developed this really huge crush on him. He's very caring and considerate and I like him a lot as friend, but definitely not romantically interested. Then over time, we kept seeing each other more without my friend and he tries to get really close to me everytime. Then one time he caught me crying. He came and hugged me really tight, and kissed me and I allowed it to happen.
I didn't know what to do, I never was sure about kissing and he explained how he sees it as just another form of showing someone how much he cared for them, not necessarily only restricted to relationships - he convinced me it was right and thinking back now, what made me thinks o was because I didn't want to think I did anything wrong.
So we ended up having lots sessions where we just kissed and for long times as well - during all these time, the thought that "oh no, what am I doing to A" creeped up lots times but it's always overidden with "no, it's just kissing, X explained". Eventually my friend found out and she was devastated and I hated myself to pieces for not evening realising so - I just wanted to inflict the most brutal punishment on myself for hurting her.
I never EVER intended to hurt my friend and I never imagined or planned for this to happen, but it did and I can't run away from it. A eventually forgave me and X and we're back on good terms now.
But the other day, X and I ended up in an emotional conversation and he ended up kissing me again. I don't know how but ended up allowing him to and regretted lots afterwards. I told him I don't share this "kissing is okay between friends" idea but later on he kissed me again.
I think my problem is that I'm scared to hurt people's feelings or make anyone feel bad, and I don't want to lose my friendship with X so I never said no or resisted X when he kissed me, even though I absolutely does NOT fancy him. But at the same time, I never considered A's feelings and always realise and regret it afterwards.
I'm scared that A has suspected this has resumed and that the hurt I inflicted upon her in the beginning never healed. I really want to clear any misunderstandings and wrongs between us and strengthen our friendship, what should I do? If I should talk to A, how should I do it?
And for X, why is he keeping doing this? I asked him if he'd kiss A if he sees kissing between friends is okay, but he said no 'cos he knows she likes him and don't want to lead her on. But when i explained that I don't think I accept his viewpoint about kissing between friends is okay, he still kissed me. What's he thinking? I feel like he's really hurt me after all of this but how do I tell him this without hurting him?
I'm really sorry this is lengthy. I'd really appreciate your help!
Before you make any assumptions, please listen to my story: Prior to this, I've never ever kissed any guys - I was one of those "goody two shoes" and assumed no guys will like me because I'm not one of those outgoing and pretty girls (btw, I'm not saying guys are all superficial but the majority are more attracted to such girls tbf).
So about a year ago, we both met guy X, whom we instantly clicked with. We became really good friends and my friend developed this really huge crush on him. He's very caring and considerate and I like him a lot as friend, but definitely not romantically interested. Then over time, we kept seeing each other more without my friend and he tries to get really close to me everytime. Then one time he caught me crying. He came and hugged me really tight, and kissed me and I allowed it to happen.
I didn't know what to do, I never was sure about kissing and he explained how he sees it as just another form of showing someone how much he cared for them, not necessarily only restricted to relationships - he convinced me it was right and thinking back now, what made me thinks o was because I didn't want to think I did anything wrong.
So we ended up having lots sessions where we just kissed and for long times as well - during all these time, the thought that "oh no, what am I doing to A" creeped up lots times but it's always overidden with "no, it's just kissing, X explained". Eventually my friend found out and she was devastated and I hated myself to pieces for not evening realising so - I just wanted to inflict the most brutal punishment on myself for hurting her.
I never EVER intended to hurt my friend and I never imagined or planned for this to happen, but it did and I can't run away from it. A eventually forgave me and X and we're back on good terms now.
But the other day, X and I ended up in an emotional conversation and he ended up kissing me again. I don't know how but ended up allowing him to and regretted lots afterwards. I told him I don't share this "kissing is okay between friends" idea but later on he kissed me again.
I think my problem is that I'm scared to hurt people's feelings or make anyone feel bad, and I don't want to lose my friendship with X so I never said no or resisted X when he kissed me, even though I absolutely does NOT fancy him. But at the same time, I never considered A's feelings and always realise and regret it afterwards.
I'm scared that A has suspected this has resumed and that the hurt I inflicted upon her in the beginning never healed. I really want to clear any misunderstandings and wrongs between us and strengthen our friendship, what should I do? If I should talk to A, how should I do it?
And for X, why is he keeping doing this? I asked him if he'd kiss A if he sees kissing between friends is okay, but he said no 'cos he knows she likes him and don't want to lead her on. But when i explained that I don't think I accept his viewpoint about kissing between friends is okay, he still kissed me. What's he thinking? I feel like he's really hurt me after all of this but how do I tell him this without hurting him?
I'm really sorry this is lengthy. I'd really appreciate your help!
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