Hello there,
I will keep this as short as I can. But some background info might allow for the best answer
We are both 21. Basically my boyfriend is great, I keep a list of all the wonderful things he does. For example, calling me every night to say goodnight and even being upset when I do not call. To worrying about my safety. His actions have always spoken the most about him. At this point, he actually wants to see me everyday even if its for 2 mins. As for myself, I am caring and want the best for him. I always try to be supportive in his school and I "usually" never nag.
When I want to get my point across I think about it and try to remove my anger and wanting to blame and look for a solution to express my feelings, as I have learned blaming gets me no where.
To describe our relationship, we do not drink or go to bars/clubs. We might go for a friends event or so in a year, I would say we go maybe 3 times at most. We spend more of our time doing quality activities that allow us to develop ourselves and bond over such as taking a salsa class or checking out the zoo or biking. Even watching movie we don't really do as I see it as us really not getting to know each other better. We both agree on this, not just me, in fact we have done so many activities that some times it seems we have done everything in the book that not most couples in 2 years would have done.
The problem: He has shown that he is committed to me and I to him because we keep opposite sex relationships to a minimum as we have encountered in the past that they lead to problems. I did not want to force this on him, he came to this conclusion and I myself and we both agreed. Now, his friend who is not that great with women was asking for his help to go to bars to pick up women. I told him to go but I think that he is putting himself in a situation where it would get us into a bad place. Yes, he is helping his friend however in a place where he would have to double date essentially these girls so that his friend can get laid..I think the friend is putting him in an awkward situation asking this of him. While he can control himself I just think that this friend will require more and more of him as my boyfriend put it "its like he wants me to find him a wife" .. I have just found that getting involved this way is not a good idea especially when at a bar or club othe r girls will want both of them to dance etc. This is not cool with me as we have both established because he would never want me to do this to him.
So he told me how much he loves me and cares for me and doesnt want to go because it would affect our relationship AND that if he does go, that he wants me to be there. Wonderful, amazing.
Now I found out that he told his friend.. I was being crazy and how I kept going on and on and now if "we" go.."she wants to come along too"
I felt very upset when I found this out. And I spoke out of anger and said some hurtful things about past events which I should not have. So he tuned me out and didnt want to bother since he thought i think he is a horrible person. I felt upset moreover that it concerned me what he was "truly" thinking. not to me, or to his friend. But I don't want for him to be resentful towards me rather than it be his own choice? Because then it will be hard. Either that or I felt like he couldnt stand up for himself.
TO himself, which one is it? After bringing up the past he felt defeated and my point just got thrown out the window. I should have stuck to one thing and not done that.
I want him to not go because it is his choice, which I thought is what he said to me..but clearly not to his friend. He said yes he used me as an excuse. but overall was he just sweet talking me. It would be a disaster for him to resent me, and not his own choice and I do not want to hold him back.
Can anybody advise me? I really appreciate it
I will keep this as short as I can. But some background info might allow for the best answer
We are both 21. Basically my boyfriend is great, I keep a list of all the wonderful things he does. For example, calling me every night to say goodnight and even being upset when I do not call. To worrying about my safety. His actions have always spoken the most about him. At this point, he actually wants to see me everyday even if its for 2 mins. As for myself, I am caring and want the best for him. I always try to be supportive in his school and I "usually" never nag.
When I want to get my point across I think about it and try to remove my anger and wanting to blame and look for a solution to express my feelings, as I have learned blaming gets me no where.
To describe our relationship, we do not drink or go to bars/clubs. We might go for a friends event or so in a year, I would say we go maybe 3 times at most. We spend more of our time doing quality activities that allow us to develop ourselves and bond over such as taking a salsa class or checking out the zoo or biking. Even watching movie we don't really do as I see it as us really not getting to know each other better. We both agree on this, not just me, in fact we have done so many activities that some times it seems we have done everything in the book that not most couples in 2 years would have done.
The problem: He has shown that he is committed to me and I to him because we keep opposite sex relationships to a minimum as we have encountered in the past that they lead to problems. I did not want to force this on him, he came to this conclusion and I myself and we both agreed. Now, his friend who is not that great with women was asking for his help to go to bars to pick up women. I told him to go but I think that he is putting himself in a situation where it would get us into a bad place. Yes, he is helping his friend however in a place where he would have to double date essentially these girls so that his friend can get laid..I think the friend is putting him in an awkward situation asking this of him. While he can control himself I just think that this friend will require more and more of him as my boyfriend put it "its like he wants me to find him a wife" .. I have just found that getting involved this way is not a good idea especially when at a bar or club othe r girls will want both of them to dance etc. This is not cool with me as we have both established because he would never want me to do this to him.
So he told me how much he loves me and cares for me and doesnt want to go because it would affect our relationship AND that if he does go, that he wants me to be there. Wonderful, amazing.
Now I found out that he told his friend.. I was being crazy and how I kept going on and on and now if "we" go.."she wants to come along too"
I felt very upset when I found this out. And I spoke out of anger and said some hurtful things about past events which I should not have. So he tuned me out and didnt want to bother since he thought i think he is a horrible person. I felt upset moreover that it concerned me what he was "truly" thinking. not to me, or to his friend. But I don't want for him to be resentful towards me rather than it be his own choice? Because then it will be hard. Either that or I felt like he couldnt stand up for himself.
TO himself, which one is it? After bringing up the past he felt defeated and my point just got thrown out the window. I should have stuck to one thing and not done that.
I want him to not go because it is his choice, which I thought is what he said to me..but clearly not to his friend. He said yes he used me as an excuse. but overall was he just sweet talking me. It would be a disaster for him to resent me, and not his own choice and I do not want to hold him back.
Can anybody advise me? I really appreciate it
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment