Hey everyone,
I have a rather sad and confusing story to share. I hope I can get some nice feedback, I really need some or I'm going to go crazy in my head. It's quite long - aren't they always - so I hope some of you can take the time...
I'm 27, she's 25.
For the past 3 years I've been in a relationship with a girl, who happens to be the sister of my best friend. I've known her for close to 20 years and even had a few flings along the way. 3 years ago we started dating seriously and moved in after a few months. Everything was great. And from my perspective, still was up till about 2-3 weeks ago.
Now to be fair - there is some important backstory. Our sex life basically ended 6 months ago as we both took on new jobs and started working a lot. Our schedules conflicted a lot and basically we were both beat by the end of the day. However she never mentioned anything, so I thought (stupidly) that maybe she figured like I did, that once we get settled in with the jobs, we'd get close again.
But in all other regards, everything seemed fine. She smiled, laughed at my jokes, still came to the bed and cuddled with me. We bought stuff for the apartment, I gave her gifts, we went to the movies. We celebrated her birthday, we talked with her parents and friends, all was cool. Literally - I cannot recall a single thing that would have been "off".
Well, now 2-3 weeks ago my girlfriend just started acting really distant. Cold. No more "kisses" over the phone. No more cuddling in bed. Big kisses turned into small pecks on the cheek. She didn't want to talk or spend time with me at all. She spent more time with friends and even had sleep-overs at their place. (yeah, right) - She also locked her cellphone, first time ever.
And yet - she still smiled, sometimes even cuddled a little with me during the nights. She still wanted to be woken up for work with coffee and always smiled and looked real happy. She shared stories from work, we still went out for movies with her friends and so forth. So kinda cold to me - but kinda still my GF.
But I'm not that stupid - despite some not so wise moves on my part. I put the pieces together. The not coming home on some nights, the cold attitude, distancing from me. Has to be an affair - right? So this Saturday(yesterday) she said she had to go to her summer-home with her mom to clean and look after their sick father - an actually rather plausible story. Well she came home this morning, late, phone battery empty and she had a hangover. Said they relaxed at the sauna.... riiight. I also heard her over the phone with her friend that she "was going to go back later in the evening". I'm like... whaaat?!?
So to top it off, she said she will go and water her friends plants who just left for a vacation a few days ago and then said she'll be staying there and not coming home.
Now what?!?
Is she gonna go and water the plants by herself all night and sleep there for no apparent reason? Obviously not. Kinda disappointed in such a weak, weak cover story attempt.
So I confronted her. Asked her straight out what's up etc. And she basically said she doesn't love me. Doesn't care for me in the slightest. She said she hasn't cared for me atleast for the past 6 months and that's that.
She said she can either move out immediately or stay as a room-mate and help to pay the bills.
I basically tossed her out immediately and took her keys. Perhaps stupid, but I was way too pissed at the moment.
Now she wants to come pick up her stuff tomorrow and absolutely refuses to have any kind of "talks" about the situation. I asked her just a little while ago, a few hours after I told her to get out, that maybe we can talk. Explain our sides of the story, see what's what. She said no. Just no.
I'm sorry, but my mind is completely screwed up right now. I mean, sure I can see the problems with the sex life starting 6 months ago. I can reason her affair if she has one (she didn't confirm) because of it. However I absolutely cannot stomach the fact that this is a girl I've known for 20 years (Loved her most of that time), we've been living together for almost 3 years. We have never had a serious fight and she's been great up until a few weeks ago... and now she just wants to leave permanently without as much as a reason. Even a half-assed one? Really?
I'm just... I'm so heartbroken I cried manly tears for two hours. Now I'm just confused as all hell cause I don't even know what to do. The reasonable logic filled side of me is telling me to let her go, move on and that's that. However the emotional side butts in and says - whoah, whoah there. Can we atleast get a reasoning? Can we atleast talk for 5 bloody minutes to see what happened, is there any chance of anything. Can we try to atleast get over this first serious issue in a 3 year old relationship... for christs sake...
I mean really. I can imagine this happening with a 3 month fling, not with a "3 years of living and sharing everything together nicely" relationship. Heck, I was not too far off from a proposal even. So I felt marriage material here. And she never responded in any other way to convince me otherwise... until now.
So what's the advice here guys?
A clean break, just give up any and all hope and just move on?
Or try to make sense of this situation? I still care for her deeply. For gods sake the apartment is filled with her stuff and every little thing reminds me of her, her smile.
Apartment is mine, she rented out hers and as far as I know, has no place to go to. I asked where she was going and she didn't reply.
She works at an hotel, so maybe she'll commandeer a room for herself or maybe she moves in with her affair person or a friend... I don't know...
So confused...
I have a rather sad and confusing story to share. I hope I can get some nice feedback, I really need some or I'm going to go crazy in my head. It's quite long - aren't they always - so I hope some of you can take the time...
I'm 27, she's 25.
For the past 3 years I've been in a relationship with a girl, who happens to be the sister of my best friend. I've known her for close to 20 years and even had a few flings along the way. 3 years ago we started dating seriously and moved in after a few months. Everything was great. And from my perspective, still was up till about 2-3 weeks ago.
Now to be fair - there is some important backstory. Our sex life basically ended 6 months ago as we both took on new jobs and started working a lot. Our schedules conflicted a lot and basically we were both beat by the end of the day. However she never mentioned anything, so I thought (stupidly) that maybe she figured like I did, that once we get settled in with the jobs, we'd get close again.
But in all other regards, everything seemed fine. She smiled, laughed at my jokes, still came to the bed and cuddled with me. We bought stuff for the apartment, I gave her gifts, we went to the movies. We celebrated her birthday, we talked with her parents and friends, all was cool. Literally - I cannot recall a single thing that would have been "off".
Well, now 2-3 weeks ago my girlfriend just started acting really distant. Cold. No more "kisses" over the phone. No more cuddling in bed. Big kisses turned into small pecks on the cheek. She didn't want to talk or spend time with me at all. She spent more time with friends and even had sleep-overs at their place. (yeah, right) - She also locked her cellphone, first time ever.
And yet - she still smiled, sometimes even cuddled a little with me during the nights. She still wanted to be woken up for work with coffee and always smiled and looked real happy. She shared stories from work, we still went out for movies with her friends and so forth. So kinda cold to me - but kinda still my GF.
But I'm not that stupid - despite some not so wise moves on my part. I put the pieces together. The not coming home on some nights, the cold attitude, distancing from me. Has to be an affair - right? So this Saturday(yesterday) she said she had to go to her summer-home with her mom to clean and look after their sick father - an actually rather plausible story. Well she came home this morning, late, phone battery empty and she had a hangover. Said they relaxed at the sauna.... riiight. I also heard her over the phone with her friend that she "was going to go back later in the evening". I'm like... whaaat?!?
So to top it off, she said she will go and water her friends plants who just left for a vacation a few days ago and then said she'll be staying there and not coming home.
Now what?!?
Is she gonna go and water the plants by herself all night and sleep there for no apparent reason? Obviously not. Kinda disappointed in such a weak, weak cover story attempt.
So I confronted her. Asked her straight out what's up etc. And she basically said she doesn't love me. Doesn't care for me in the slightest. She said she hasn't cared for me atleast for the past 6 months and that's that.
She said she can either move out immediately or stay as a room-mate and help to pay the bills.
I basically tossed her out immediately and took her keys. Perhaps stupid, but I was way too pissed at the moment.
Now she wants to come pick up her stuff tomorrow and absolutely refuses to have any kind of "talks" about the situation. I asked her just a little while ago, a few hours after I told her to get out, that maybe we can talk. Explain our sides of the story, see what's what. She said no. Just no.
I'm sorry, but my mind is completely screwed up right now. I mean, sure I can see the problems with the sex life starting 6 months ago. I can reason her affair if she has one (she didn't confirm) because of it. However I absolutely cannot stomach the fact that this is a girl I've known for 20 years (Loved her most of that time), we've been living together for almost 3 years. We have never had a serious fight and she's been great up until a few weeks ago... and now she just wants to leave permanently without as much as a reason. Even a half-assed one? Really?
I'm just... I'm so heartbroken I cried manly tears for two hours. Now I'm just confused as all hell cause I don't even know what to do. The reasonable logic filled side of me is telling me to let her go, move on and that's that. However the emotional side butts in and says - whoah, whoah there. Can we atleast get a reasoning? Can we atleast talk for 5 bloody minutes to see what happened, is there any chance of anything. Can we try to atleast get over this first serious issue in a 3 year old relationship... for christs sake...
I mean really. I can imagine this happening with a 3 month fling, not with a "3 years of living and sharing everything together nicely" relationship. Heck, I was not too far off from a proposal even. So I felt marriage material here. And she never responded in any other way to convince me otherwise... until now.
So what's the advice here guys?
A clean break, just give up any and all hope and just move on?
Or try to make sense of this situation? I still care for her deeply. For gods sake the apartment is filled with her stuff and every little thing reminds me of her, her smile.
Apartment is mine, she rented out hers and as far as I know, has no place to go to. I asked where she was going and she didn't reply.
She works at an hotel, so maybe she'll commandeer a room for herself or maybe she moves in with her affair person or a friend... I don't know...
So confused...
Put the internet to work for you.
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