After 21 years of marriage and the last 4 being strained in our intimate life, I have finally got a reasonable answer from my husband about our intimate future and I would appreciate some advice on moving on.
A little background: I've been with him since i was 18, sex was fine up until four years ago when he had an online relationship. He preferred sexting to the rl thing and after 6 months without him touching me I started getting nasty. One way or another sex went from once a week to once or twice a YEAR.
Now it's been 8 months since the last time, the longest we've ever gone and I had a "sit down" with him about trying to find each other again. He tells me he knows he is hurting me but doesn't mean to and that he just can't face being intimate for his reasons (which doesn't matter. it's not why i'm writing this. I don't want any advice on why he doesn't want to have sex).
I am hurt. I feel rejected, unattractive and a bit worthless. Sex is such a huge need of mine and though I have considered looking for someone else on the side, which he doesn't care but, (i don't know if we will break up or not) it still bothers me that this part of our relationship is over. I find myself in tears thinking that I will never feel his embrace again. What irritates me the most is that he won't let go of the past and our troubles and give us a chance. I've spent my whole adult life with this man and I am more hurt that he has given up on something that's been a huge part of our life for so long. He even mentioned that if i was unhappy I could leave.
I know that this isn't going to be fixed but I really need to know how to move on. I still want to kiss him, hug him and touch him. How do you just stop that after so long? Any thoughts?
A little background: I've been with him since i was 18, sex was fine up until four years ago when he had an online relationship. He preferred sexting to the rl thing and after 6 months without him touching me I started getting nasty. One way or another sex went from once a week to once or twice a YEAR.
Now it's been 8 months since the last time, the longest we've ever gone and I had a "sit down" with him about trying to find each other again. He tells me he knows he is hurting me but doesn't mean to and that he just can't face being intimate for his reasons (which doesn't matter. it's not why i'm writing this. I don't want any advice on why he doesn't want to have sex).
I am hurt. I feel rejected, unattractive and a bit worthless. Sex is such a huge need of mine and though I have considered looking for someone else on the side, which he doesn't care but, (i don't know if we will break up or not) it still bothers me that this part of our relationship is over. I find myself in tears thinking that I will never feel his embrace again. What irritates me the most is that he won't let go of the past and our troubles and give us a chance. I've spent my whole adult life with this man and I am more hurt that he has given up on something that's been a huge part of our life for so long. He even mentioned that if i was unhappy I could leave.
I know that this isn't going to be fixed but I really need to know how to move on. I still want to kiss him, hug him and touch him. How do you just stop that after so long? Any thoughts?
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