I'm a guy and I have developed romantic feelings for my best friend. We spent a year together in the same uni but I am moving to a far uni now.
She's told me how much she wished I stayed behind. She texts me a lot (sometimes very early in the morning) and everyone in her family knows me and they all like me even though I've only met one of her sisters; we are very good friends. During my birthday celebration, on two different occasions, in presence of our mutual friends, she randomly said she wants to marry me in future. I didn't give her any reply at the time because she had told me on probably two times before that day. I've never given any reply anyway.
I have planned to meet up with her before I leave for my new uni. And recklessly, I told her I have a secret to tell her. To cut the story short, my best friend knows I used to like another girl in my uni but it didn't work out. My best friend understands that I no longer love the girl. Anyway, during our texts, I made many mistakes in giving a clue about what I want to say. I think she figured out that I have romantic feelings for her.
She said she hopes what I would tell her is not awkward. She said she does not meet all the qualities I like in a girl (Long time ago, I told her the type of girl I would like to date/marry). I told her I check responses to see if a girl likes me before trying anything: she told me that this would put a girl off.
-Then I asked her that if I like her what will happen.
Her Response: Don't tell me. I don't know how to deal with it. I never have been.
- Then I said I would not love her that way. And if it happens by chance, I'll try hard to get over it.
Her response: Hey, don't say that. If it happens, we work it out.
- Then I said but she said I shouldn't tell her if I like her.
Her response: Fine tell me. Just don't be disappointed with how I react. Don't hold me accountable. (This answer made me feel she only sees me as a friend).
Later, she asked me if I like her the way I liked the previous girl. I told my best friend that I like her more than I liked the previous girl (I did not say it explicitly that I have romantic feelings). She replied with 3 smiles and 2 happy faces: she probably thought I said I like her as a friend.
After, 2hrs that day, she texted me to ask what I was doing.
Anyway, I'm confused if I should tell her how I feel when I meet up with her. I will be far away from her. If she loves me, that'll be perfect. But if she doesn't (based on some of her responses), I might lose a very very good friend: I really love her as a friend too.
What do you suggest I do? How should I do it? Thanks.
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