My husband is completely emotionally unavailable. He's always been this way, but has gotten worse in the last few months since we moved (we know NO ONE at the new place) and he started a new job (a BIG lifestyle change for him, he has alot more spare time). I, on the other hand, received counselling last year and realized what a pushover I had been for all of my adult life (a coping mechanism from an abusive father) and so have started pulling him up on his bad behavior towards me, in the most tactful way and only when it's appropriate, of course. He never calls me names or is abusive in that way but he acts like I am an annoyance and irritation in his life. For example, yesterday I was chatting to him and he seemed distracted. So I asked was it a good time to talk to him or should I talk later. He said, no no keep talking. When I finished (only a couple of minutes) I said, What do you think? To which he snapped, like he was irritated I was still there, I don't KNOW, I wasn't listening??!! What the hell? I had ASKED him if it was a good time. He's just so rude and disrespectful. He would not handle it well if I spoke to HIM that way.
I swear if I didn't start the conversations we'd never talk. And god forbid I try and have a heartfelt conversation with him....I can literally see the shutters come down and he completely shuts down and locks me out, choosing to drink heavily instead. We achieve nothing. It's just the same thing over and over. He drinks and feels better and apparently we're good now. We had a blowup yesterday (the worst yet) and we haven't spoken for 36 hours, still living in the same house. I told him I think he should stay at work (there's beds there) for the next week until me and our daughter leave for a 12 day holiday. To which is responded with NOTHING. I still don't know if he's leaving. But if he isn't, we are. I need space. HE needs space. We can talk when I get back from that. I don't have the energy for this. I'm worried I don't have the energy to save my marriage. I just want distance and space. I'm worried he'll never change. I'm 99% sure that he's depressed and even more certai n that he would never admit it nor do anything about it. Even more worrisome is the fact that I am pregnant with our second child, and I DAMN well don't want to bring a new baby into this. Our seven year old is happier when he's not around. He's grumpy, intolerant, serious and distant. I'm just so drained. Help? Advice?
I swear if I didn't start the conversations we'd never talk. And god forbid I try and have a heartfelt conversation with him....I can literally see the shutters come down and he completely shuts down and locks me out, choosing to drink heavily instead. We achieve nothing. It's just the same thing over and over. He drinks and feels better and apparently we're good now. We had a blowup yesterday (the worst yet) and we haven't spoken for 36 hours, still living in the same house. I told him I think he should stay at work (there's beds there) for the next week until me and our daughter leave for a 12 day holiday. To which is responded with NOTHING. I still don't know if he's leaving. But if he isn't, we are. I need space. HE needs space. We can talk when I get back from that. I don't have the energy for this. I'm worried I don't have the energy to save my marriage. I just want distance and space. I'm worried he'll never change. I'm 99% sure that he's depressed and even more certai n that he would never admit it nor do anything about it. Even more worrisome is the fact that I am pregnant with our second child, and I DAMN well don't want to bring a new baby into this. Our seven year old is happier when he's not around. He's grumpy, intolerant, serious and distant. I'm just so drained. Help? Advice?
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