| Allow me to first tell you about myself before the problem. I am 44, asian, have my own company in asia, married to a European 39 for the last 10 years. My parents have never really liked me. Up until last year, my father always felt threatened by me but finally acknowledged that I should be running the family business and no one else. My relationship to my parents were horrible till my fathers acknowledgement. This made our marriage very difficult in the past. About 6 years ago (before the Lehman brothers shock) my wife and I decided that we would try to help her parents out financially by financing them to flip houses in Europe. (Before the Lehman fiasco, eastern Europe was an easy place to make money) They declined saying that they did not see the need to make money. About 5 years ago, FIL got caught cheating on his wife. The 24 yo woman called up MIL and told her she was taking over. FIL was contemplating leaving his wife for quite some time but for some reason decided to stay. Naturally MIL got very depressed. (She has always been a nervous wreck and depressed). But she decided that she would stay in the marriage for financial reasons. 4 years ago their next door neighbor who had illegally hooked up an electrical box (to steal electricity, quite common in this part of Europe) burned down half of M&FIL's house. The fire department and cops got bought out by the neighbor and charges were pressed upon M&FIL. (corruption is a part of every day life in eastern Europe). Life got really bad and MIL got even more depressed and started getting suicidal. My wife asked if we could do anything., I said south of relocating them, what do you expect us to do?. We got into a very large argument that threatened our marriage because I refused to relocate them. I knew the total cost would be over 400,000 USD (price back then, (no it is not cheap in Eastern Europe, yes it is a poophole but not cheap)). Just to save the marriage, I ended up agreeing to buying an condo for 330,000 USD. I paid cash for an unfinished condo and reminded her that sooner or later this condo will end up costing close to half a million dollars. I also said that this condo will have a profound effect on our marriage in the future. It will put a huge strain on our marriage. My wife and I have gotten along rather well despite my parents being totally *******s to me. (Especially the last few years.) Although I bring back a really good paycheck, we always lived by the bare minimum. This was because my job allowed me to access the cutting edge economic and financial news and I knew that within a few years gold prices would spike, inflation would hit, life would get harder, and Eastern Europe will be in a financial fiasco. My predictions came true and the real estate prices collapsed in Eastern Europe. 2010, we came to a very difficult situation. Parent in Law told us that they were not going to move into the condo. I knew this was coming. Needless to say I was still very angry. Later that year on FIL's birthday, he told me how he wanted to buy a new car. This guy was getting chemo therapy for cancer and has literally pennies to his name. MIL is a pensioner and gets 35 dollars a month, hardly enough to pay utilities in this neck of the woods. I got angry and told my wife, " your father could be dead next year, we gave him over 50,000 in cash over the years, he has very little in his name, his wife is on pension, and he is thinking of buying a car? and that is all that matters to him? Who is going to take care of your mother if he kicks the bucket? How about a word of apology to me? He truly believes you and I will take care of your mother" I tell you, I was pissed, but more than that, I felt insulted. The question was Should we take a 35-45% loss and sell the apartment? or should we plug in another 150,000 USD and finish it? To me either way it made no difference. Lose a 150 or spend a 150 and finish it. We decided to keep it even if the PIL would not be moving into it. Over the last two years, we have been trying to finish the condo. I live in a country where it takes 1-2 years to furbish and furnish an apartment. The cost of the apartment is ballooning as I predicted. It will cost upwards of 450,000 USD to complete. The problem starts here. Over the last two years, I have refrained from picking up the ground line phone and just hang up when MIL or FIL calls. Frankly if I were in their shoes, I would not be able to call the husbands place. I would be too ashamed and worried about making SIL spend half a million dollars on nothing, in a country that is about to default anytime soon. The MIL, a nervous wreck got even more nervous that I stopped attending family gatherings. I told my wife that I never want to see them again. I don't want them calling the ground line because I pay for, it is my condo, as much as it is your, and I have rights to not have to screen calls. Well the PIL started to get upset that I was upset, and my wife told me " I don't want to be sandwiched between my parents and you" But I had forewarned that this would happen because the amount of money involved is not peanuts. I told her repeatedly " This money took me over 4 years to make. We ate the most basic food and lived the most simplest lifestyle to save for our future, you *****ed that we lived poor and your decision to use it on your parents blew it all" PIL are upset because they know I have money. I was their meal ticket. This is the reason why they have been idiot spenders, acting richer than they are and should. Up until a week ago, I just ignored my PIL. But last week one of the contractors has been putting off the work we paid for, and it seems like we have lost 25,000 USD in the process. My wife is obviously upset and needless to say, well I have always been upset. In all honesty, 25 grands out of half a mil is a drop in the bucket. LOL In fact I have had ulcers for the last 15 months from all this. Last week was the breaking point when she told me that I was putting a physical strain on her when I made certain requests about her parents. I told her that we are in a mess because you got us involved. I told her that "nothing in your country is easy and you knew that, but you got involved. Your parents bailed out and we are left with a half million dollar condo, which is probably only worth 100,000 because the country is in such bad shape. I told you that sooner or later, your actions were going to catch up, please don't expect me to just forget that we wasted half a mill ion because this was the investment money that we planned for the future, our children, and our retirement" Well long story short, my wife now has to take sides, or should I say she has always sided with her parents. She would leave me for them, and she has made that clear. We don't hate each other but the stress is killing our marriage. I know that in a few years, PIL will be so destitute my wife and I will have a fight about financially supporting these two. Please don't get me wrong, if it weren't for PIL, we are fine. I only asked her three requests. No more phone calls on the ground line. No more family gathering for me. Leave me out of all gatherings. No more financial support for PIL. But other than the last one (which has not be broken yet), the first two have never been honored. I will be honest. I detest the idea of even spending a cent on these two. In fact I absolutely hate Christmas, New years, birthdays and other celebrations because I have to buy 2 dollar anniversary cards which come out of my paycheck. I abhor even thinking about pissing on them even if they were on fire. As you can see, I hate them. They cost me years of my life. They shamelessly think they can call my home, they eat better than us, they never followed any of my suggestions, and we have to pay for their stupidity and irresponsiblity. I am getting sick once again. I can hardly digest food anymore. My wife is getting sick. She has made it clear that she will side with her family. I don't know what to do. In 3 years, this country I am currently in will most likely default. Many people will die from starvation since the IMF and world bank now own so much of the arable land. I know I will be forced to help them out. Once again the situation will be help out or divorce. My nature of my job has me looking at any situation from multiple angles. Usually there is always some sort of acceptable answer, even if it's not good. Given this situation, I just can't see anything other than divorce on the horizon. My wife has made it clear to me from the get go that she will not leave her family. She has even said that, "I will be long gone and my family will still be there in the past. " Her PILs know our situation. They know that our marriage could be coming to a screeching halt anytime because of the recent fiasco with the contractor and them bugging us. Yet I have heard no apologies from them. I highly doubt it will every come. The people in this country think that everything is free until someone makes you pay for it, and you are just unlucky if you get caught trying to stiff the bill. It is not in the culture of these people to take responsibility. I love my wife but I don't think I can take her parents much more. And my wife is not about to take my side. She won't even tell her mother to not to call on the ground line because mother doesn't have much money to put on her cell phone. And here I am, wasted 4 years of my paycheck, ending up with a half mil receipt to a useless condo I never wanted in a corrupt country that could default tomorrow. I am not divorced yet but that's because of what I wrote in the first paragraph. My parents were genuinely trying to kill me off and my wife had to deal with my stress and helped me through. Till now, I felt it was the way to repay her for standing by me. Well, all that seems to be coming to a screeching halt as both of us are literally wasting away. That is my problem. Any advice will surely help. Thank you in advance. | |||
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