| My wife and I have been married for almost 15 years, we're in our low 40s, and we have young children. I have always considered myself a passionate person, both emotionally and (moreso) physically. I have always been willing to try new things to keep things interesting, and to be honest, I haven't found much that I am against. I would literally do anything my wife asked of me to physically please her. Prior to getting married, my wife was reasonably accepting of physical intimacy, but within the first year of being married our sex life was dramatically reduced. Normal sex began tapering off to once every couple of weeks, and oral has been eliminated altogether (I haven't had it in over 10 years). Both of these things have gotten me to the point where I am resentful, and almost always angry about the situation. This has continued to deteriorate as I've had sex twice in the past ten weeks. When we do have sex, it is often rushed and she really doesn't act as if she's enjoying herself. I was not my wife's first, nor was I her's. My wife tended to have long-distance relationships prior to dating me, and from what she's told me about them they were rarely physical. I, on the other hand, had girlfriends who shared the same level of physical intensity as I did prior to dating me wife and were very open minded. My wife is a very good woman and mother, and I seriously believe she would characterize me as a loving father and devoted husband. While I travel for work on occasion, I otherwise work from home and do more than my "fair share" of housework – cleaning, cooking, transporting kids to and from school, house maintenance, and so on. My wife is very busy for a stay-at-home mom. Therefore, I can accept that my wife can be tired at the end of the day, but I literally will now go on average about three weeks without any sexual interaction. When I try to talk to my wife about my physical needs not being met, she gets upset and defensive. When I suggest counseling, she refuses. I think it really hurts her pride to admit we need help. I took up working out and other activities to try and change my focus on sex and to make myself more desirable, but it's of little use. Inevitably, I know I will end up staring at the ceiling fan at the end of the night as she turns away and dozes off. All I can think about at this point is the thousands of lucky folks like those who have shared their stories on this website, and how I would do so much to be as fulfilled as they are. The thing that gets me most upset is that I know there are other people who have the same physical desires I crave, yet I feel trapped in my situation. I love my wife and I love my kids, and I can't fathom the idea of putting my kids through a life-changing experience. To be honest, if it weren't for the kids I might have given up long ago and moved on. I really, REALLY want my marriage to work. On the flip side, I don't know that I can continue to do this any longer. I feel that every day that goes by I am denying myself something that I feel was committed to me and then taken away inexplicably. I don't expect my wife to ever become what my previous girlfriends were, because she never said she would be. However, I do think I am justified in having things back to the way we were when we first married – sex, maybe twice a week, and just working together to satisfy each other physical and emotionally as best we can given our hectic lives. I know there isn't a silver bullet here, but does anyone have some constructive guidance to share? | |||
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