I've been lurking for many months at TAM and reading thru CWI section. Finally thought of sharing my own unfortunate brush with infidelity and how it destroying me, made me question my self worth and the worth of carrying on with the facade of married life.
Backstory.
I'm 36, WW 33, married for 8 years and a beautiful daughter of 6. About 3 years ago, wife moved cities to take up a new job and we stayed apart for about 12 months. She had an EA+PA with a co-worker, which I found out in Sep '13. I did all the mistakes in the book, which stupid BH's do. Believed in all her bull$hit, her gaslighting. The events of 2013 - leading up to the D-Day, her I'm not in love with you speech and the following stuff I did to win her back (which I cant believe I was able to pull off) & her behavior in those days. I'm so scarred by those experiences that I dont know why I didnt throw the fu#king divorce papers at her face. I'm never gonna be able to forget some moments I saw her with OM and the conversations that ensued.
We went to MC afterwards, did some IC as well but left it midway as it was not working for me. She's been doing a lot of small things for me, she's done a 8 page detailed letter to me (sharing many details of the affair), has written a NC email to OM, etc etc. Somehow, it all feels little. All of that seems like a waste. I still spend each and every day thinking about how unmanly and weak I was and how all of this is a hogwash. I feel for her because she's bee remorseful and has really tried to make up. However, looks like we are differently wired and I cant appreciate the small things unless the big things are sorted out. She's scared to go back to big discussions (understandably so). Our MC tried to give us some tools to have discussions but it didnt last too much.
The period in which she had the affair, was incidentally one of the worst periods for me professionally (extremely tough new client and a new geography, etc). If there was a time in life when I really needed my partner's support, that was it. It kills be to think that she betrayed me with OM at that very moment.
I've read some stories of R on this board and how the WW took the betrayal issues head on and did the heavy lifting. Not sure whether my WW is up to it.
I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here. Guess just writing would help me think clearer and get out of this mess.
Backstory.
I'm 36, WW 33, married for 8 years and a beautiful daughter of 6. About 3 years ago, wife moved cities to take up a new job and we stayed apart for about 12 months. She had an EA+PA with a co-worker, which I found out in Sep '13. I did all the mistakes in the book, which stupid BH's do. Believed in all her bull$hit, her gaslighting. The events of 2013 - leading up to the D-Day, her I'm not in love with you speech and the following stuff I did to win her back (which I cant believe I was able to pull off) & her behavior in those days. I'm so scarred by those experiences that I dont know why I didnt throw the fu#king divorce papers at her face. I'm never gonna be able to forget some moments I saw her with OM and the conversations that ensued.
We went to MC afterwards, did some IC as well but left it midway as it was not working for me. She's been doing a lot of small things for me, she's done a 8 page detailed letter to me (sharing many details of the affair), has written a NC email to OM, etc etc. Somehow, it all feels little. All of that seems like a waste. I still spend each and every day thinking about how unmanly and weak I was and how all of this is a hogwash. I feel for her because she's bee remorseful and has really tried to make up. However, looks like we are differently wired and I cant appreciate the small things unless the big things are sorted out. She's scared to go back to big discussions (understandably so). Our MC tried to give us some tools to have discussions but it didnt last too much.
The period in which she had the affair, was incidentally one of the worst periods for me professionally (extremely tough new client and a new geography, etc). If there was a time in life when I really needed my partner's support, that was it. It kills be to think that she betrayed me with OM at that very moment.
I've read some stories of R on this board and how the WW took the betrayal issues head on and did the heavy lifting. Not sure whether my WW is up to it.
I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here. Guess just writing would help me think clearer and get out of this mess.
Put the internet to work for you.
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