2 months ago I discovered my wife's affair. It began as an emotional affair and progressed to sexual. By happenstance I discovered it relatively early (6mo into affair, 1 week into sexual). My wife has ended this affair with the OM, but due to occupation still must interact with him (coworker, not boss, etc). There is little to no chance for job change for either of them due to occupation. Since the discovery and ending of the affair, my wife states that she is doing well maintaining boundaries with this OM.
In the wake of the discovery, we have each been in individual counseling as well as joint counseling. She has revealed that she has become emotionally detached from me over the last few years. We have been together for 14yrs, married for 11. During the last few years I had no indication that she was detaching emotionally. We spoke about not only the logistics of our marriage (schedules, kid, etc), but also plans, hopes, etc. Her physical/sexual presence was consistent throughout. She hid not only her detachment as it progressed, but her affair very well. She has admitted she consciously made efforts to conceal both to appear as if no changes had occurred.
At the time of the affair discovery, she had emotionally attached more to the other man than to me. She states she never "loved" him, but all of her descriptions of the relationship point to it.
At present we are trying to rebuild our marriage, but she is having a difficult time reattaching. I am trying to give her space and time. Our formerly very active sex life has stopped "cold turkey". She wishes to abstain from all sexual activity until she can emotionally reattach.
Questions for those who have been through this (particularly the wives who have been in her position):
1- As her husband, how can I assist her during this time?Is there anything I can do that will help her to emotionally reconnect?
2-at what point in duration of recovery is it a red flag if she's not progressing in emotional attachment?
Thank you all for any insight you may have.
In the wake of the discovery, we have each been in individual counseling as well as joint counseling. She has revealed that she has become emotionally detached from me over the last few years. We have been together for 14yrs, married for 11. During the last few years I had no indication that she was detaching emotionally. We spoke about not only the logistics of our marriage (schedules, kid, etc), but also plans, hopes, etc. Her physical/sexual presence was consistent throughout. She hid not only her detachment as it progressed, but her affair very well. She has admitted she consciously made efforts to conceal both to appear as if no changes had occurred.
At the time of the affair discovery, she had emotionally attached more to the other man than to me. She states she never "loved" him, but all of her descriptions of the relationship point to it.
At present we are trying to rebuild our marriage, but she is having a difficult time reattaching. I am trying to give her space and time. Our formerly very active sex life has stopped "cold turkey". She wishes to abstain from all sexual activity until she can emotionally reattach.
Questions for those who have been through this (particularly the wives who have been in her position):
1- As her husband, how can I assist her during this time?Is there anything I can do that will help her to emotionally reconnect?
2-at what point in duration of recovery is it a red flag if she's not progressing in emotional attachment?
Thank you all for any insight you may have.
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