Wife and I in early 50's. We dated for a few months in high school, went off and made our separate lives, reunited and married some 20 years later. My wife has an issue with certain boundaries. For instance before her daughter was married my wife's X used to call and inquire about happenings concerning their daughter. I had no problem with that when she was a single teenager but she has been married several years and the X still calls. I have told my wife that I don't approve but her response was in the vein of there is nothing to fear so don't worry about it. It's not so much that I fear anything, it's more that I think it's just rude for a single man to be calling another man's wife. I mean if he wants to know about his daughter and her children he should talk to her or her husband that he works with daily. I'll be taking care of this shortly but I'll endure a lot of grief from others for doing it.
There is a similar circumstance that occurs albeit less frequently. This past year several of our high school classmates have been gathering every couple months or so for a casual dinner. My wife was always lukewarm about going though she always has a great time. This evening there will be another gathering except this time her first love that she dated through most of high school will be there. I had not said anything about going but she brought it up. I said that I didn't want to go, that she should just go with her girlfriends. She brought it to my attention that it is her that usually doesn't want to go so she doesn't understand my change of pace. She has brought it up several times since and asks that I go as well. I haven't told her this but since she and I have been together we have been in the company of this man on 3 other occasions. Each time she is a totally different person prior to and for weeks after seeing him. It is really unnerving to watch her gush all over him and then have to hear her buzz about him for a month. What compounds the issue is that he ended their relationship over a matter that took care of itself. I think her wanting me to go is just a subconscious relief to her vulnerability and I am fortunate that her old flame lives on the other side of the country.
So last night I told her that I would go but I am real tempted upon their meeting to tell them to take a drive and say whatever needs to be said. I realize that is inviting disaster but is it really a marriage anyway if you know you are competing for space in your spouse's heart? I mean if she knows her vulnerability to this man why would she even expose herself to it if she values her marriage? True, I haven't made her aware of her change in character because of this man but from past experience I know she would dismiss it.
There is a similar circumstance that occurs albeit less frequently. This past year several of our high school classmates have been gathering every couple months or so for a casual dinner. My wife was always lukewarm about going though she always has a great time. This evening there will be another gathering except this time her first love that she dated through most of high school will be there. I had not said anything about going but she brought it up. I said that I didn't want to go, that she should just go with her girlfriends. She brought it to my attention that it is her that usually doesn't want to go so she doesn't understand my change of pace. She has brought it up several times since and asks that I go as well. I haven't told her this but since she and I have been together we have been in the company of this man on 3 other occasions. Each time she is a totally different person prior to and for weeks after seeing him. It is really unnerving to watch her gush all over him and then have to hear her buzz about him for a month. What compounds the issue is that he ended their relationship over a matter that took care of itself. I think her wanting me to go is just a subconscious relief to her vulnerability and I am fortunate that her old flame lives on the other side of the country.
So last night I told her that I would go but I am real tempted upon their meeting to tell them to take a drive and say whatever needs to be said. I realize that is inviting disaster but is it really a marriage anyway if you know you are competing for space in your spouse's heart? I mean if she knows her vulnerability to this man why would she even expose herself to it if she values her marriage? True, I haven't made her aware of her change in character because of this man but from past experience I know she would dismiss it.
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