I'll say thank you in advance if you are willing to stay with me and read through all of this.
Until a month ago I was happily married with 4 of the world's most perfect children. Ages 10, 9, 6 & 5. We would have been together 13 years this August. We are both 34 years old. We oddly enough never had a fight, argument or bad word to each other.
Late April, my wife and I had an argument and she went out to a pub with friends I've never met. At 5pm she text me saying she was leaving soon. She proceeded to turn off her mobile data so she could not be contacted her found (something she's NEVER done before)
She text me at 8am saying she's "stuffed up" and came home at 2:30pm the next day, only to be home by the time kids got home from school.
She refused to talk to me when she got home, all she ever said to any questions about where she was or who was she with or why her mobile data went off was "I don't know".
Problems continued for the next few weeks and I learned she was talking daily to a man and removing all evidence of the phone calls, text messages and face book private messages.
She admitted to me she was emotionally connected to this man (6 years her senior, divorced twice and 2 kids of his own he sees once a week)
She wanted space so I offered to leave our house for 3 months and lie to the kids saying I was going interstate on business to give her time and space, she refused this offer. Instead I willingly gave her my credit card and put her in a hotel in the city for 4 days. I did this not to throw money at her, but for her to pay for accommodation and food. She ended up doing that plus went on a bit of a shopping spree, cloths and jewelry. On the day of her return she was meant to talk to me but she wasn't ready. The day she came back she went to leave to the countryside again and I told her this time take the kids as they hadn't seen her for 4 days, she wasn't keen on it but did.
She went to her mothers in the country and stayed there for another 4 days. Her mother and the kids told me she basically dumped them there and was always drunk and went out every night without coming home to the next day.
I was very depressed already and put something depressing up on facebook which she saw, once she saw it, she ended our marriage via a text message.
She came home on a Sunday, May 31st with the kids, dropped them off, gave them a kiss on the head and said she was going for a drive and left.
She'd organized a house with her new partner, the guy she's been cheating on me with for the past couple months.
She literally left everything, me, the kids, her cloths, possessions, literally everything! Over the next few weeks she came back to get bits and bots (little furniture and cloths) but that's it.
She's asked to see the kids twice a week on school days and one weekend day (no sleepovers). The kids have seen her walk out and no longer want her as they are confused and heartbroken.
She's told our eldest:
She doesn't love daddy
She loves her new boyfrinend
She is sleeping with her new boyfriend
Her new boyfriend is her 'soulmate'
This is too much for a 10y/o to comprehend.
She's given me feedback, very aggressively, saying that I never listened to her or helped enough around the house (something I will admit I can be guilty of) But surely that doesnt equal this result?
She's been drinking very heavily for a year or so now and when the kids do go around they say she just places them in a room to play and spends zero time with them just sits outside with her new partner drinking and smoking.
She's associated herself with a brand new group of friends, she's cut EVERYONE out of her life. Me, kids, parents, friends, school parents, literally everyone. The correlation of all these new friends shes been with the past few months is one thing, they are ALL divorced. Hence I'm concerned with the advise they keep putting in her head.
When I tell her that I'm doing all the cleaning, cooking, school drop offs and pick ups, her response is "I DID THAT FOR 10 YEARS! I understand that, but how can someone just walk from it?
I asked her why him, she replied "He lives the life I want to live"
Due to all this I also lost my job, 6 years corporate banking and am now on government benefits as a full time father of 4.
None of this makes sense to me. Every one I've spoke to says when a woman stops loving a man, the FIRST thing she does is fight for the kids, she's showing no interest in anything other than this new man and updating her facebook with cryptic messages like changing marital status from married to it's complicated and posting pictures of her out with him hugging and drinking and dancing, when all her friends know she's cheating on me and left the kids.
This doesn't feel like her, she was a good person and a good mother, I don't understand how shes almost ovbernight wiped her entire life and starting a new one. My money was on mental breakdown or mid life crisis, I can't figure any of this out :(
Appreciate any advice from anyone.
Until a month ago I was happily married with 4 of the world's most perfect children. Ages 10, 9, 6 & 5. We would have been together 13 years this August. We are both 34 years old. We oddly enough never had a fight, argument or bad word to each other.
Late April, my wife and I had an argument and she went out to a pub with friends I've never met. At 5pm she text me saying she was leaving soon. She proceeded to turn off her mobile data so she could not be contacted her found (something she's NEVER done before)
She text me at 8am saying she's "stuffed up" and came home at 2:30pm the next day, only to be home by the time kids got home from school.
She refused to talk to me when she got home, all she ever said to any questions about where she was or who was she with or why her mobile data went off was "I don't know".
Problems continued for the next few weeks and I learned she was talking daily to a man and removing all evidence of the phone calls, text messages and face book private messages.
She admitted to me she was emotionally connected to this man (6 years her senior, divorced twice and 2 kids of his own he sees once a week)
She wanted space so I offered to leave our house for 3 months and lie to the kids saying I was going interstate on business to give her time and space, she refused this offer. Instead I willingly gave her my credit card and put her in a hotel in the city for 4 days. I did this not to throw money at her, but for her to pay for accommodation and food. She ended up doing that plus went on a bit of a shopping spree, cloths and jewelry. On the day of her return she was meant to talk to me but she wasn't ready. The day she came back she went to leave to the countryside again and I told her this time take the kids as they hadn't seen her for 4 days, she wasn't keen on it but did.
She went to her mothers in the country and stayed there for another 4 days. Her mother and the kids told me she basically dumped them there and was always drunk and went out every night without coming home to the next day.
I was very depressed already and put something depressing up on facebook which she saw, once she saw it, she ended our marriage via a text message.
She came home on a Sunday, May 31st with the kids, dropped them off, gave them a kiss on the head and said she was going for a drive and left.
She'd organized a house with her new partner, the guy she's been cheating on me with for the past couple months.
She literally left everything, me, the kids, her cloths, possessions, literally everything! Over the next few weeks she came back to get bits and bots (little furniture and cloths) but that's it.
She's asked to see the kids twice a week on school days and one weekend day (no sleepovers). The kids have seen her walk out and no longer want her as they are confused and heartbroken.
She's told our eldest:
She doesn't love daddy
She loves her new boyfrinend
She is sleeping with her new boyfriend
Her new boyfriend is her 'soulmate'
This is too much for a 10y/o to comprehend.
She's given me feedback, very aggressively, saying that I never listened to her or helped enough around the house (something I will admit I can be guilty of) But surely that doesnt equal this result?
She's been drinking very heavily for a year or so now and when the kids do go around they say she just places them in a room to play and spends zero time with them just sits outside with her new partner drinking and smoking.
She's associated herself with a brand new group of friends, she's cut EVERYONE out of her life. Me, kids, parents, friends, school parents, literally everyone. The correlation of all these new friends shes been with the past few months is one thing, they are ALL divorced. Hence I'm concerned with the advise they keep putting in her head.
When I tell her that I'm doing all the cleaning, cooking, school drop offs and pick ups, her response is "I DID THAT FOR 10 YEARS! I understand that, but how can someone just walk from it?
I asked her why him, she replied "He lives the life I want to live"
Due to all this I also lost my job, 6 years corporate banking and am now on government benefits as a full time father of 4.
None of this makes sense to me. Every one I've spoke to says when a woman stops loving a man, the FIRST thing she does is fight for the kids, she's showing no interest in anything other than this new man and updating her facebook with cryptic messages like changing marital status from married to it's complicated and posting pictures of her out with him hugging and drinking and dancing, when all her friends know she's cheating on me and left the kids.
This doesn't feel like her, she was a good person and a good mother, I don't understand how shes almost ovbernight wiped her entire life and starting a new one. My money was on mental breakdown or mid life crisis, I can't figure any of this out :(
Appreciate any advice from anyone.
Put the internet to work for you.
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