My oldest DD is 19 and has been with her father on a trip and has met the mistress this weekend. She'll be home next week. I'm not sure how it will all come out, if it even does. Their relationship is the reason for the divorce. We have not filed yet due to financial reasons, but have been living apart for almost two years now. Kids have known of the mistress for a little over a year. Since it's abroad, it hasn't been in their face.
Before this trip came about, DD asked how I would feel if she met the OW. She said she was curious, but didn't want to if I wasn't ok with it. I told her I'll never be 100% ok with the OW, but as long as they want their dad in their lives, that is a bridge they will have to cross. I also said they are old enough to determined themselves what they want. They need to do what is right for them and not be either pushed, nor discouraged by either of us parents. WH and I actually still have a congenial relationship. Lots of water under the bridge and some life-shaking events that have made me move on quickly, because life to too short to be bitter about everything gone wrong… I can still hate the POSOW, but I'm not going to put any of that on my kids and their going forward.
So here's the catch. DD said before she left, that she didn't want everyone asking her questions and didn't want to talk about this meeting. I will respect that, but at the same time, my DD is also one to want to talk about everything so I suspect she will at some point start putting stuff out there too. I have NO idea what to expect. It will all be by the seat of my pants, even though I'm trying to prepare myself for whatever fallout there will be. My DD has said things like, "I want to meet the woman that tore my family apart." She's also angry that some of her father's family has met the OW when she has not yet. She's been grappling with the betrayal she perceives against herself. She has many times said her father is just not the man she thought he was. It rips my heart out. But then any time I do try to help, she's either angry with me because I agree with her, or she's angry with me because I try to make her see the other side. I can't win. I have been very consistent with both girls that this divorce is NOT about them at all, and no matter what, we still as parents are both on the same page when it comes to them. For that, I'm thankful that my STBX is not a complete ass…. at least not where the kids are concerned.
Anyone have any thoughts?
Before this trip came about, DD asked how I would feel if she met the OW. She said she was curious, but didn't want to if I wasn't ok with it. I told her I'll never be 100% ok with the OW, but as long as they want their dad in their lives, that is a bridge they will have to cross. I also said they are old enough to determined themselves what they want. They need to do what is right for them and not be either pushed, nor discouraged by either of us parents. WH and I actually still have a congenial relationship. Lots of water under the bridge and some life-shaking events that have made me move on quickly, because life to too short to be bitter about everything gone wrong… I can still hate the POSOW, but I'm not going to put any of that on my kids and their going forward.
So here's the catch. DD said before she left, that she didn't want everyone asking her questions and didn't want to talk about this meeting. I will respect that, but at the same time, my DD is also one to want to talk about everything so I suspect she will at some point start putting stuff out there too. I have NO idea what to expect. It will all be by the seat of my pants, even though I'm trying to prepare myself for whatever fallout there will be. My DD has said things like, "I want to meet the woman that tore my family apart." She's also angry that some of her father's family has met the OW when she has not yet. She's been grappling with the betrayal she perceives against herself. She has many times said her father is just not the man she thought he was. It rips my heart out. But then any time I do try to help, she's either angry with me because I agree with her, or she's angry with me because I try to make her see the other side. I can't win. I have been very consistent with both girls that this divorce is NOT about them at all, and no matter what, we still as parents are both on the same page when it comes to them. For that, I'm thankful that my STBX is not a complete ass…. at least not where the kids are concerned.
Anyone have any thoughts?
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