I'm sorry for the multiple threads the last few days, just been kind of a slow week and I've been thinking about all sorts of discussion topics :D
how did you handle the holidays, a happy time and a time for family, when your marriage was rocky? Normally it seems the focus would be on "it's all about the kids." But, we do not have any children. And in my family there are no grandchildren yet. So between my husband and I and between my parents and all the siblings there is no "doing it for the kids" per se. My parents are fairly local, a few hours drive away. Which is good because it doesn't have to be going out there for a week long visit. In fact, we mostly drive there in the morning and drive back in the evening. This year my husband was able to combine a work trip with seeing his family (other side of country) last month so he doesn't want to go back for the holidays.
For Halloween it wasn't about me and my husband at all. I helped host a party for my local friends little kids. It was so fun to plan and a blast. But Thanksgiving and Christmas will not have an equivalent to that. Things have been strained for 2 years (yes, getting help both together and separate) so no holidays have been stable in that time. But I guess I was more hopeful that there was a quick fix those other times and didn't dread them and now I am more realistic about what we are dealing with so I am not really looking forward to it. My parents LOVE my husband. Since they have no grandchildren yet, the focus is still on all us siblings and our spouses. My mom was here to visit a few weeks ago and we went Christmas shopping and I helped her find presents for my husband. That was really hard. I put real thought into it and had her buy him things I would get him myself, so I know he'll really enjoy them. But I kept thinking... am I having my mom waste money on someone that I may not even be with a year from now? It made me feel terrible.
I remember last year on Thanksgiving he was unusually charming with my family and I was happy about that. This year I'm not so sure, he is unpredictable (you can read about those types of issues elsewhere if you so wish). It's probably painfully obvious that we are having issues when people are around us, so I've mostly been seeing my family alone the last couple years except for holidays. It's been more about getting through the day without him snapping and ruining the holiday rather than being able to enjoy it with my family and my husband. It's mostly survival.
The holidays invoke feelings of togetherness and family... and it just seems to highlight even further the pain and lacking of anything marital. I'm trying to enjoy things like picking our presents for my parents and siblings, but I am just not excited at all. I wish I had children to put my focus on during these times.
So how did you handle the holidays during times of severe strain in your marriage? Or do most people have kids in those types of situations that they focused on instead? I just want the holidays to be over :(
how did you handle the holidays, a happy time and a time for family, when your marriage was rocky? Normally it seems the focus would be on "it's all about the kids." But, we do not have any children. And in my family there are no grandchildren yet. So between my husband and I and between my parents and all the siblings there is no "doing it for the kids" per se. My parents are fairly local, a few hours drive away. Which is good because it doesn't have to be going out there for a week long visit. In fact, we mostly drive there in the morning and drive back in the evening. This year my husband was able to combine a work trip with seeing his family (other side of country) last month so he doesn't want to go back for the holidays.
For Halloween it wasn't about me and my husband at all. I helped host a party for my local friends little kids. It was so fun to plan and a blast. But Thanksgiving and Christmas will not have an equivalent to that. Things have been strained for 2 years (yes, getting help both together and separate) so no holidays have been stable in that time. But I guess I was more hopeful that there was a quick fix those other times and didn't dread them and now I am more realistic about what we are dealing with so I am not really looking forward to it. My parents LOVE my husband. Since they have no grandchildren yet, the focus is still on all us siblings and our spouses. My mom was here to visit a few weeks ago and we went Christmas shopping and I helped her find presents for my husband. That was really hard. I put real thought into it and had her buy him things I would get him myself, so I know he'll really enjoy them. But I kept thinking... am I having my mom waste money on someone that I may not even be with a year from now? It made me feel terrible.
I remember last year on Thanksgiving he was unusually charming with my family and I was happy about that. This year I'm not so sure, he is unpredictable (you can read about those types of issues elsewhere if you so wish). It's probably painfully obvious that we are having issues when people are around us, so I've mostly been seeing my family alone the last couple years except for holidays. It's been more about getting through the day without him snapping and ruining the holiday rather than being able to enjoy it with my family and my husband. It's mostly survival.
The holidays invoke feelings of togetherness and family... and it just seems to highlight even further the pain and lacking of anything marital. I'm trying to enjoy things like picking our presents for my parents and siblings, but I am just not excited at all. I wish I had children to put my focus on during these times.
So how did you handle the holidays during times of severe strain in your marriage? Or do most people have kids in those types of situations that they focused on instead? I just want the holidays to be over :(
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