Or a bit of both?
I would like the women's perspective on this, not the men's (no offense). I already have the male perspective, mine. :)
So I've been listening to the advice here, and listening to my wife, and reading her signs, and all that stuff that I apparently didn't do before. Being more confident, less needy, not talking about our sex life with my wife, etc etc etc. The past month has not seen an increase in sex, but it has felt like a load has been removed from my back, so to speak. I've no longer been expecting sex, no longer being upset inside when it doesn't happen, and maintained a happy demeanor throughout. Basically removing any stresses related to sex, for both myself and my wife, I guess.
So the other night, we ended up having sex. It was one of those rare mutual things - it just happened. (usually it doesn't "just happen" with us...) It was effortless, intimate, and it seemed to satisfy my wife (and I). She had 2 orgasms, one manually by me, and one PIV, with me orgasming at the same time (which is good, right ladies? lol)
So, I had someplace I had to be soon after. I certainly didn't rush out of there, but I didn't hang around too long, either. My wife is not an after-sex cuddler, anyway. Within 10 minutes, I was out the door and in my car.
About 6 or 7 minutes of driving, and I realized I forgot something at home, so I headed back. Being a bit after 10 at night, the kids were in bed, and so was my wife, so I basically sneaked into my own house, so as not to disturb or scare anybody. Headed to the basement to grab the forgotten item, and, through the ventilation system down there, which is almost directly connected to the bedroom upstairs, I could... hear my wife... if you know what I mean.
Now this is ~15 minutes after I left the house, and 20-25 minutes after we just finished having sex - which I thought was good. I grabbed my stuff, and sneaked out, even more quietly this time (!!).
So, first reaction was actually positive, believe it or not. My wife, afaik, does not masturbate frequently, if at all. I admit I was slightly turned on by it (and no, I did not linger, listening to her. Even though it's my house, and we're married, it's still private... And she had no idea I was even in the house at that time).
However, obviously I was also slightly hurt by it, seeing as how we had just had sex some 20-25 minutes ago.
So for a couple of days, I went back and forth with it. Insulted that I apparently did not fully satisfy her. Confident that I had turned her on so much she wanted more. Back and forth like that.
The positive side of me said that we orgasmed together, which is something she very much enjoys. It said that I DID satisfy her, and she stayed horny and wanted more. It said that had I still been in the house, and not had to go somewhere, it would have been ME she came to for more. Hell, I've had those times in my life (less frequent with age), that I wanted more, too, even if the first go-round was enough. Those times were a reflection on my partner being GOOD, not bad.
But of course, the male ego side of me said that I didn't satisfy her, and she was looking to end the night positively. Sigh.
So, what say you, ladies? Good, bad, neutral? Your own similar experience with this?
*ETA - I am resisting bringing this up with her. I know it could cause trouble, and would only show a weakened confidence. However, I also want to know if it was a case of her not being satisfied. My wife is not a communicator. I have told her over the years to be open and honest with me in regards to our sex life. I don't mean turn ons and turn offs pre- and post-sex, I mean physically, in bed. It took her almost 6 years to tell me that my oral skills, while excellent, were sloppy, for example. It took her 5 years or so to tell me that she, although capable, did not want 5, 6, 7 orgasms, because it simply tired her out and it was too much. In other words, it is clear that she does not want to upset me in any way by being critical of anything I do in the bedroom. No matter how many times I've told her I won't be insulted or hurt, that this is about her pleasure just as much as mine, she never speaks up. According to her, it's never been this good with anybody else, but it's c learly not... perfect, either.
I would like the women's perspective on this, not the men's (no offense). I already have the male perspective, mine. :)
So I've been listening to the advice here, and listening to my wife, and reading her signs, and all that stuff that I apparently didn't do before. Being more confident, less needy, not talking about our sex life with my wife, etc etc etc. The past month has not seen an increase in sex, but it has felt like a load has been removed from my back, so to speak. I've no longer been expecting sex, no longer being upset inside when it doesn't happen, and maintained a happy demeanor throughout. Basically removing any stresses related to sex, for both myself and my wife, I guess.
So the other night, we ended up having sex. It was one of those rare mutual things - it just happened. (usually it doesn't "just happen" with us...) It was effortless, intimate, and it seemed to satisfy my wife (and I). She had 2 orgasms, one manually by me, and one PIV, with me orgasming at the same time (which is good, right ladies? lol)
So, I had someplace I had to be soon after. I certainly didn't rush out of there, but I didn't hang around too long, either. My wife is not an after-sex cuddler, anyway. Within 10 minutes, I was out the door and in my car.
About 6 or 7 minutes of driving, and I realized I forgot something at home, so I headed back. Being a bit after 10 at night, the kids were in bed, and so was my wife, so I basically sneaked into my own house, so as not to disturb or scare anybody. Headed to the basement to grab the forgotten item, and, through the ventilation system down there, which is almost directly connected to the bedroom upstairs, I could... hear my wife... if you know what I mean.
Now this is ~15 minutes after I left the house, and 20-25 minutes after we just finished having sex - which I thought was good. I grabbed my stuff, and sneaked out, even more quietly this time (!!).
So, first reaction was actually positive, believe it or not. My wife, afaik, does not masturbate frequently, if at all. I admit I was slightly turned on by it (and no, I did not linger, listening to her. Even though it's my house, and we're married, it's still private... And she had no idea I was even in the house at that time).
However, obviously I was also slightly hurt by it, seeing as how we had just had sex some 20-25 minutes ago.
So for a couple of days, I went back and forth with it. Insulted that I apparently did not fully satisfy her. Confident that I had turned her on so much she wanted more. Back and forth like that.
The positive side of me said that we orgasmed together, which is something she very much enjoys. It said that I DID satisfy her, and she stayed horny and wanted more. It said that had I still been in the house, and not had to go somewhere, it would have been ME she came to for more. Hell, I've had those times in my life (less frequent with age), that I wanted more, too, even if the first go-round was enough. Those times were a reflection on my partner being GOOD, not bad.
But of course, the male ego side of me said that I didn't satisfy her, and she was looking to end the night positively. Sigh.
So, what say you, ladies? Good, bad, neutral? Your own similar experience with this?
*ETA - I am resisting bringing this up with her. I know it could cause trouble, and would only show a weakened confidence. However, I also want to know if it was a case of her not being satisfied. My wife is not a communicator. I have told her over the years to be open and honest with me in regards to our sex life. I don't mean turn ons and turn offs pre- and post-sex, I mean physically, in bed. It took her almost 6 years to tell me that my oral skills, while excellent, were sloppy, for example. It took her 5 years or so to tell me that she, although capable, did not want 5, 6, 7 orgasms, because it simply tired her out and it was too much. In other words, it is clear that she does not want to upset me in any way by being critical of anything I do in the bedroom. No matter how many times I've told her I won't be insulted or hurt, that this is about her pleasure just as much as mine, she never speaks up. According to her, it's never been this good with anybody else, but it's c learly not... perfect, either.
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