I had a bit of an epiphany at the weekend. My marriage is in its current state because I did have standards and boundaries but allowed them to be eroded.
The icing on the cake this weekend: my H promised to attend a dinner at a friends with me (i have his text to prove his confirmation) and then changed his mind when someone (a colleague) asked him to go somewhere else. He couldn't understand why I was so mad. My problem is I didn't tell him flat out he couldn't go with the colleague, I just said 'go if you want to, (meanwhile seething that he didn't even think twice about letting me down!). It is clear he has no respect for me and thinks I will always be available, whatever he does.
Then I asked him to come home early on Fri night, (I knew he was going out to celebrate winning a deal with colleagues) as he had agreed to accompany me to a seminar held by a mutual friend early the next morning. He told me he would not be late (around 10-11am). Needless to say he came back at 2am, very drunk. Also cannot understand why I am mad. Further, he received a phone call at 6am in the morning from an unrecognized number. I questioned him about it and he said why didn't i call the number myself and find out, he was so arrogant and flippant. I told him why should I , he has to tell me. He then told me it was somebody he met (male) and whom he wanted to invite to a company sports event, (i dont know what to believe). The sports event is on today all day, he left before I got up this morning.
I had a friend call the number a few times but no answer.
He was sleeping the yesterday morning and I went to seminar on my own, but he turned up at the seminar all smiles, joking with my friend about him being in hot soup. This man is unbelievable.
I am hurt and angry as he just thinks he can do whatever the hell he likes. So I have moved out of the bedroom, no contact, we fought by text yesterday. I cannot leave as I am not yet financially independent till I finish my studies (may be another year of hell). I am blue in the face talking to him, I know I cannot change him and there is nothing to be gained by nagging or explaining anymore. He is either thick or chooses to hear but take no action. I guess why should he, he puts up with the nagging and then everything goes back to normal for him.
I still have to live in the house with him, I still love him (I think), for a while we were getting on well but then he goes and does this, it is a cycle and I am tired of the roller coaster.
I really want to take action that shows him my boundaries will not be crossed anymore. How do I do this when I still live in the same house as him and am financially dependent on him ( I have access to finances, accounts, info, etc so that is not an issue)?
The icing on the cake this weekend: my H promised to attend a dinner at a friends with me (i have his text to prove his confirmation) and then changed his mind when someone (a colleague) asked him to go somewhere else. He couldn't understand why I was so mad. My problem is I didn't tell him flat out he couldn't go with the colleague, I just said 'go if you want to, (meanwhile seething that he didn't even think twice about letting me down!). It is clear he has no respect for me and thinks I will always be available, whatever he does.
Then I asked him to come home early on Fri night, (I knew he was going out to celebrate winning a deal with colleagues) as he had agreed to accompany me to a seminar held by a mutual friend early the next morning. He told me he would not be late (around 10-11am). Needless to say he came back at 2am, very drunk. Also cannot understand why I am mad. Further, he received a phone call at 6am in the morning from an unrecognized number. I questioned him about it and he said why didn't i call the number myself and find out, he was so arrogant and flippant. I told him why should I , he has to tell me. He then told me it was somebody he met (male) and whom he wanted to invite to a company sports event, (i dont know what to believe). The sports event is on today all day, he left before I got up this morning.
I had a friend call the number a few times but no answer.
He was sleeping the yesterday morning and I went to seminar on my own, but he turned up at the seminar all smiles, joking with my friend about him being in hot soup. This man is unbelievable.
I am hurt and angry as he just thinks he can do whatever the hell he likes. So I have moved out of the bedroom, no contact, we fought by text yesterday. I cannot leave as I am not yet financially independent till I finish my studies (may be another year of hell). I am blue in the face talking to him, I know I cannot change him and there is nothing to be gained by nagging or explaining anymore. He is either thick or chooses to hear but take no action. I guess why should he, he puts up with the nagging and then everything goes back to normal for him.
I still have to live in the house with him, I still love him (I think), for a while we were getting on well but then he goes and does this, it is a cycle and I am tired of the roller coaster.
I really want to take action that shows him my boundaries will not be crossed anymore. How do I do this when I still live in the same house as him and am financially dependent on him ( I have access to finances, accounts, info, etc so that is not an issue)?
Put the internet to work for you.
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