My girlfriend (35 yo) and I are long-distance by about 5 hours and work alternate schedules so we don't really get to talk to each other during the week but manage to see each other most weekends. The issue for me is trying to keep in touch via phone calls, etc., and there's been an ongoing friction points with her sister, whom I do like but I have fears that there's codependency there.
To begin with I don't feel entirely safe in that relationship, two examples that spring up for me are her sister (29 yo) has shown signs of jealousy of me (kind of throwing a temper tantrum and not talking at dinner when my girlfriend was sitting next to and talking with me at a dinner party) and she went on for about 20 minutes on another occasion "joking" that we were going to have to have a second bedroom for her when her sister and I eventually move in together. Later my girlfriend told me she saw this was making me uncomfortable but she didn't want to upset her sister by saying anything.
The feelings of not being valued at times are that they hang out a lot during the weekends going grocery shopping, pedicures, dinners, etc. and more often than not it overruns our time to connect when we actually have time to talk, like if we're not meeting on a weekend my goal is to have at least one night when we can skype, but I can't remember the last time this has happened in 5 months as scheduling conflicts inevitably happen with her sister and we'll go 2 straight weeks without a solid 2+ hour phone call and I often feel (undeserved or not) that I'm on a seesaw with her sister, my girlfriend trying to find a balance to make both of us happy. On her side she says she isn't great with scheduling and doesn't have enough time to spend with her sister and since we've been going out their time has decreased dramatically and we have most weekends together. Her schedule is very tight and I'm not asking her to not hang out with her sister (which she feels I'm asking her to do) but I also want to stay connected in a more human way, or at least as much as possible given the circumstances. The catch is this whole thing has made me more uncomfortable even when they just hang out, and she can feel that, as I sometimes feel/make up that it's a "spousy" relationship and doesn't make me feel safe.
So I don't know, I guess I get fears of what this would look like when we do live in the same city and/or live together, maybe this is just a long distance issue?
Thanks for your time.
To begin with I don't feel entirely safe in that relationship, two examples that spring up for me are her sister (29 yo) has shown signs of jealousy of me (kind of throwing a temper tantrum and not talking at dinner when my girlfriend was sitting next to and talking with me at a dinner party) and she went on for about 20 minutes on another occasion "joking" that we were going to have to have a second bedroom for her when her sister and I eventually move in together. Later my girlfriend told me she saw this was making me uncomfortable but she didn't want to upset her sister by saying anything.
The feelings of not being valued at times are that they hang out a lot during the weekends going grocery shopping, pedicures, dinners, etc. and more often than not it overruns our time to connect when we actually have time to talk, like if we're not meeting on a weekend my goal is to have at least one night when we can skype, but I can't remember the last time this has happened in 5 months as scheduling conflicts inevitably happen with her sister and we'll go 2 straight weeks without a solid 2+ hour phone call and I often feel (undeserved or not) that I'm on a seesaw with her sister, my girlfriend trying to find a balance to make both of us happy. On her side she says she isn't great with scheduling and doesn't have enough time to spend with her sister and since we've been going out their time has decreased dramatically and we have most weekends together. Her schedule is very tight and I'm not asking her to not hang out with her sister (which she feels I'm asking her to do) but I also want to stay connected in a more human way, or at least as much as possible given the circumstances. The catch is this whole thing has made me more uncomfortable even when they just hang out, and she can feel that, as I sometimes feel/make up that it's a "spousy" relationship and doesn't make me feel safe.
So I don't know, I guess I get fears of what this would look like when we do live in the same city and/or live together, maybe this is just a long distance issue?
Thanks for your time.
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