I've been married for over 17 years, in recent years my wife has said she was unhappy. She did say at times that I was not affectionate enuf. I did try to be closer and more involved in her hobbies and such.
fast forward to Dec 2014, she told me an old friend (a guy who got away) contacted her and wanted to be friends. Saying he was married and had a family. At first I was like ok, whatever I mean I'm not telling her to not have friends or anything like that. I never have.
but things started to feel weird wth her, she became very protective of her phone and what questions I asked her about her day and eventually she said she was going out. She went to see that "friend". I didn't try to react negativally as I trusted her. but then I noticed she would be mad at me and very critical of anything I did or said. That wa the last straw for me so I decided to look into stuff. I ran through the cellphone records in our account and found that she would contact him everyday at many different hours but only when I was gone. once confronted, it led to a major fight where she said she was unhappy and felt I was trying to control her. I was treating her like a kid. She can do as she pleases. I later buckled and apologized as I didn't want to continue fighting and she kept saying that nothing was going between them.
fast forward again to one day she was going out a lot earlier int he day to where she was gone when I got home from work. I was mad and looked into google and saw that she was possibly at a motel. I didn't go and confirm as I wanted to believe otherwise.
well, a week later she is going out again (earlier time again) and on my way home decided to swing by that motel (her gps was no longer reporting so google was not helping) and she was there. When she got home I confronted her and she was quick to try and play the "nothing is going on card" till I said I saw our car at the motel. She just froze and then didn't want to talk to me at all.
over the next couple days we eventually talked and she claimed it was the first time and that the last time she had gone there.. she couldn't go through with it. but also said that she is attracted to this guy. and wanted to have an open relationship for a time period. So she can get it out of her system. She was 18 when we got together and married. I tried to follow suit for one say looking online but the next day told her that I could not do it. She got mad for a lil bit then admitted that she didn't want me to be with anyone else. but to give her some time to get herself together.
that day and since then, she tells me she loves me and that she has no intentions to go or stay with him. she just needs to be free for a moment.
She can read me so well, that I try to hide my unhappiness with her going out with the guy. and she will get mad at me for being that way about things. I don't think she is sleeping with him again, but she has not told me that she isn't going to again either.
She tells me it's not my fault and that she feels bad when I do nice things for her. (I'm trying to still do better on my part). She often tells me now "You know I love you, right?" I tell her yes and we usually will embrace and kiss and say love you to each other.
but the guy is still in the picture.... and I think she might be talking to another guy too now. not 100% sure.
She has told me she hates that this is hurting me, but then it almost feels that she would rather bail to not hurt me. I just don't go along with her argument.
Should I continue to hold strong as long I can and see if she decides to stop on her own? or am I holding out on a dream?
I do believe in what I said when I married her "for better or for worse" I will try to hold on. She is not a bad person, thus I wonder if it what she is saying is true and she needs space and freedom for a while? but is that a naïve way of thinking?
thank you for you time and input for my situation.
fast forward to Dec 2014, she told me an old friend (a guy who got away) contacted her and wanted to be friends. Saying he was married and had a family. At first I was like ok, whatever I mean I'm not telling her to not have friends or anything like that. I never have.
but things started to feel weird wth her, she became very protective of her phone and what questions I asked her about her day and eventually she said she was going out. She went to see that "friend". I didn't try to react negativally as I trusted her. but then I noticed she would be mad at me and very critical of anything I did or said. That wa the last straw for me so I decided to look into stuff. I ran through the cellphone records in our account and found that she would contact him everyday at many different hours but only when I was gone. once confronted, it led to a major fight where she said she was unhappy and felt I was trying to control her. I was treating her like a kid. She can do as she pleases. I later buckled and apologized as I didn't want to continue fighting and she kept saying that nothing was going between them.
fast forward again to one day she was going out a lot earlier int he day to where she was gone when I got home from work. I was mad and looked into google and saw that she was possibly at a motel. I didn't go and confirm as I wanted to believe otherwise.
well, a week later she is going out again (earlier time again) and on my way home decided to swing by that motel (her gps was no longer reporting so google was not helping) and she was there. When she got home I confronted her and she was quick to try and play the "nothing is going on card" till I said I saw our car at the motel. She just froze and then didn't want to talk to me at all.
over the next couple days we eventually talked and she claimed it was the first time and that the last time she had gone there.. she couldn't go through with it. but also said that she is attracted to this guy. and wanted to have an open relationship for a time period. So she can get it out of her system. She was 18 when we got together and married. I tried to follow suit for one say looking online but the next day told her that I could not do it. She got mad for a lil bit then admitted that she didn't want me to be with anyone else. but to give her some time to get herself together.
that day and since then, she tells me she loves me and that she has no intentions to go or stay with him. she just needs to be free for a moment.
She can read me so well, that I try to hide my unhappiness with her going out with the guy. and she will get mad at me for being that way about things. I don't think she is sleeping with him again, but she has not told me that she isn't going to again either.
She tells me it's not my fault and that she feels bad when I do nice things for her. (I'm trying to still do better on my part). She often tells me now "You know I love you, right?" I tell her yes and we usually will embrace and kiss and say love you to each other.
but the guy is still in the picture.... and I think she might be talking to another guy too now. not 100% sure.
She has told me she hates that this is hurting me, but then it almost feels that she would rather bail to not hurt me. I just don't go along with her argument.
Should I continue to hold strong as long I can and see if she decides to stop on her own? or am I holding out on a dream?
I do believe in what I said when I married her "for better or for worse" I will try to hold on. She is not a bad person, thus I wonder if it what she is saying is true and she needs space and freedom for a while? but is that a naïve way of thinking?
thank you for you time and input for my situation.
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