This is my first time actually writing in a forum about this issues. Brief background: Been married for about 5 years now. The first year or so was ok.... but we ran into a lot of life stressors... major illness, pregnancy, and then I uncovered some pretty severe psychological issues (which I am sure play into the problem and is why I try to be understanding.)
We have been through literally everything, and although his infidelity initially started due to psychological abuse, it is still going strong now.
So when is enough. enough? The first time I found out he cheated, he was kind of messed up with some stuff... so I basically blamed his behavior on the situation and let it go... even though he cheated about with 9 different girls... most of them escorts.
But then we moved state, got out of a bad situation, and he just has been able to keep it together with being faithful since. I am to the point that I feel robotic in knowing that he is probably with another girl..... knowing how the argument is going to go when he finally decides to show up. (which if I was out cheating on him, I would just feel horrid coming home.... how can he be so ok with that feeling?)
Since moving state he has been with 3 women that I know of for sure, and plenty others who he has chatted with, online "dated" all of the rest.
He left for about a month with the last one (constantly drunk... which I know changes what he does)He left while I was at my sickest. I had C.Diff, and was smoking marijuana to help with the pain. He basically took off, took our car, I ended up getting reoccurrence cancer (Hodgkins Lymphoma) and then went through the chemo treatments while he was cheating on me. At one point I felt so much mental stress I stayed over the weekend at the hospitals mental ward. Even though he could have come and seen me, or called me..... he didn't do a thing. This occurred right before I found out about his latestest and before he left. But basically while I was in the hospital, he used that time as a break to spend with his new girl. About 2 days after I go home he moved out, and the only others times I saw him was to fight, or have sex.
Then he called it off with this girl and finally came home, although since hes been back he has seen her a few times and im pretty sure had sex. But now she wont call him back because I have *****ed her out so hard core about how she is not a woman.
So now I guess he is working on his newest. Our car has not been working lately and he has been walking places. I saw him get into some other girls car with our son, when they were suppose to be walking somewhere. I confronted him about it and he is now to the point where that kind of thing is fine/normal. Ya of course I needed a ride. Ok does she know you're married or is this just some girl off a dating website? And then now he left around 2 ish, told me not to call his phone, said he was going to go sell some stuff, that's why he was being secretive and would be back in a couple hours. Its now 8 and he still hasn't even turned his phone back on. So again..... when is enough enough? I do love him desperately and I do feel like a large majority of his cheating and drinking have to do with psychological issues.... so it makes me stay. But I think I need some real advice here. Oh yeah btw..... I found out I was pregnant right after he moved back, and just miscarried (less than 4 days ago) sooooooo????
Do I expect too much from him or is this behavior just un acceptable for a marriage? A marriage cant thrive in this no matter what I do right? Can I still save it or is it too past gone?
We have been through literally everything, and although his infidelity initially started due to psychological abuse, it is still going strong now.
So when is enough. enough? The first time I found out he cheated, he was kind of messed up with some stuff... so I basically blamed his behavior on the situation and let it go... even though he cheated about with 9 different girls... most of them escorts.
But then we moved state, got out of a bad situation, and he just has been able to keep it together with being faithful since. I am to the point that I feel robotic in knowing that he is probably with another girl..... knowing how the argument is going to go when he finally decides to show up. (which if I was out cheating on him, I would just feel horrid coming home.... how can he be so ok with that feeling?)
Since moving state he has been with 3 women that I know of for sure, and plenty others who he has chatted with, online "dated" all of the rest.
He left for about a month with the last one (constantly drunk... which I know changes what he does)He left while I was at my sickest. I had C.Diff, and was smoking marijuana to help with the pain. He basically took off, took our car, I ended up getting reoccurrence cancer (Hodgkins Lymphoma) and then went through the chemo treatments while he was cheating on me. At one point I felt so much mental stress I stayed over the weekend at the hospitals mental ward. Even though he could have come and seen me, or called me..... he didn't do a thing. This occurred right before I found out about his latestest and before he left. But basically while I was in the hospital, he used that time as a break to spend with his new girl. About 2 days after I go home he moved out, and the only others times I saw him was to fight, or have sex.
Then he called it off with this girl and finally came home, although since hes been back he has seen her a few times and im pretty sure had sex. But now she wont call him back because I have *****ed her out so hard core about how she is not a woman.
So now I guess he is working on his newest. Our car has not been working lately and he has been walking places. I saw him get into some other girls car with our son, when they were suppose to be walking somewhere. I confronted him about it and he is now to the point where that kind of thing is fine/normal. Ya of course I needed a ride. Ok does she know you're married or is this just some girl off a dating website? And then now he left around 2 ish, told me not to call his phone, said he was going to go sell some stuff, that's why he was being secretive and would be back in a couple hours. Its now 8 and he still hasn't even turned his phone back on. So again..... when is enough enough? I do love him desperately and I do feel like a large majority of his cheating and drinking have to do with psychological issues.... so it makes me stay. But I think I need some real advice here. Oh yeah btw..... I found out I was pregnant right after he moved back, and just miscarried (less than 4 days ago) sooooooo????
Do I expect too much from him or is this behavior just un acceptable for a marriage? A marriage cant thrive in this no matter what I do right? Can I still save it or is it too past gone?
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