Hello,
Currently I am out of my family home AGAIN in an 18 yr marriage, this is the third time, i believe.
my spouse has been emotional abusive for years, the emotions seem very unregulated and get taken out on me.
the first time this happened, i was nothing short of in shock, we went to counseling and i stupidly thought that was that. I thought it was random outburst and since they were taught "tools" that was resolved.
OH GOD, i was so wrong. seems to be because I "allowed it" to them it meant i was fine with it. and the usual chaos ensued.
Anyway, How does one keep there head away from "wishing" everything was different? It clogs my brain and sometimes prevents me from my path. It feels so desperate and unrealistic to me that its nothing short of wishing for a big check and balloons to show up at my door. Or is it normal? If so, how long for that to pass? Its been 4 months since i have left. I have days where I own my power and self, other days I want to call them and just say, "STOP IT, there's too much time invested, these were suppose to be the years w/out children...WTF are you doing?" then i realize how stupid that is as it would fall on deaf ears.
I am asking spouse to take responsibility for their actions in the relationship, to see how damaging it has become to me...that's all. something so small but so huge to me, that I can only surmise they are very aware and just doesn't want to change.
there are these little things that they come forward with...like making appointment for counseling...but then if i speak my mind about my feelings to them..im attacked. its a matter of shut up and do it my way or go away. I have done that to the point of low self esteem and can not/ will not do that anymore.
thanks in advance
Currently I am out of my family home AGAIN in an 18 yr marriage, this is the third time, i believe.
my spouse has been emotional abusive for years, the emotions seem very unregulated and get taken out on me.
the first time this happened, i was nothing short of in shock, we went to counseling and i stupidly thought that was that. I thought it was random outburst and since they were taught "tools" that was resolved.
OH GOD, i was so wrong. seems to be because I "allowed it" to them it meant i was fine with it. and the usual chaos ensued.
Anyway, How does one keep there head away from "wishing" everything was different? It clogs my brain and sometimes prevents me from my path. It feels so desperate and unrealistic to me that its nothing short of wishing for a big check and balloons to show up at my door. Or is it normal? If so, how long for that to pass? Its been 4 months since i have left. I have days where I own my power and self, other days I want to call them and just say, "STOP IT, there's too much time invested, these were suppose to be the years w/out children...WTF are you doing?" then i realize how stupid that is as it would fall on deaf ears.
I am asking spouse to take responsibility for their actions in the relationship, to see how damaging it has become to me...that's all. something so small but so huge to me, that I can only surmise they are very aware and just doesn't want to change.
there are these little things that they come forward with...like making appointment for counseling...but then if i speak my mind about my feelings to them..im attacked. its a matter of shut up and do it my way or go away. I have done that to the point of low self esteem and can not/ will not do that anymore.
thanks in advance
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