Hello everyone, I am having an enormous ethical/marriage dilemma and would much appreciate all the help I can get.
The situation- I came to the States a number of years back (to study science). Here I met a lady from a very similar culture (the same language), we got married a few years back. We have similar hobbies, like the same TV shows, have the same spending habits and family/friends values. I got my green card through her. Please do not think that I married her only because of the green card, that is not true. I could likely get the card through job as well but that would not be as straightforward. As for household, since I make ~20% more money (~80k), I took over most financial responsibilities such as mortgage, taxes, insurances, etc. She has, of course, contributed as well. She is well organized and responsible. On top of that, she's also very, very pretty.
Recently we started having issues- such as kids (I think it's too early for me but she's a few years older), emotional detachment, mistrust, marriage therapy. Initially I could not let go but longer and longer this is going on the more I doubt we will make it as a couple. If we are having problems now, it's unlikely things will get better with kids. It's like we have lost what bound us together. I am positive she's faithful (people here on this forum seems to emphasize this possibility). Recently I realized that my grandparents (back in Europe) are getting older and that my family is missing me as well. I do not have anyone else here in the States besides my wife. She has her whole family close. A well paying job is quite essential to have but not impossible to obtain in my homeland.
My dilemma is: I have been feeling a pull to go back to my homeland to be with my family, regardless of the marriage. I am feeling that I have betrayed my mother, father, and sisters by living in a country so distant to them. Last time I visited them was too long ago. I secretly dream of living in the city (similar to London) where I grew up. I miss the culture, my people, the little political issues there. While I also like American people, there is simply a subtle gap that is hard to overcome. Perhaps it is the humour? But I also feel that I might never find anyone as good as my wife again. I also feel very much in debt to her because of the green card. It's almost like I promised her a good life, good husband, a bunch of kids, and now I not only having second thoughts but also dreaming of getting out. I guess nobody's perfect.
Am I a lost case?
The situation- I came to the States a number of years back (to study science). Here I met a lady from a very similar culture (the same language), we got married a few years back. We have similar hobbies, like the same TV shows, have the same spending habits and family/friends values. I got my green card through her. Please do not think that I married her only because of the green card, that is not true. I could likely get the card through job as well but that would not be as straightforward. As for household, since I make ~20% more money (~80k), I took over most financial responsibilities such as mortgage, taxes, insurances, etc. She has, of course, contributed as well. She is well organized and responsible. On top of that, she's also very, very pretty.
Recently we started having issues- such as kids (I think it's too early for me but she's a few years older), emotional detachment, mistrust, marriage therapy. Initially I could not let go but longer and longer this is going on the more I doubt we will make it as a couple. If we are having problems now, it's unlikely things will get better with kids. It's like we have lost what bound us together. I am positive she's faithful (people here on this forum seems to emphasize this possibility). Recently I realized that my grandparents (back in Europe) are getting older and that my family is missing me as well. I do not have anyone else here in the States besides my wife. She has her whole family close. A well paying job is quite essential to have but not impossible to obtain in my homeland.
My dilemma is: I have been feeling a pull to go back to my homeland to be with my family, regardless of the marriage. I am feeling that I have betrayed my mother, father, and sisters by living in a country so distant to them. Last time I visited them was too long ago. I secretly dream of living in the city (similar to London) where I grew up. I miss the culture, my people, the little political issues there. While I also like American people, there is simply a subtle gap that is hard to overcome. Perhaps it is the humour? But I also feel that I might never find anyone as good as my wife again. I also feel very much in debt to her because of the green card. It's almost like I promised her a good life, good husband, a bunch of kids, and now I not only having second thoughts but also dreaming of getting out. I guess nobody's perfect.
Am I a lost case?
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