I'll try to get to the point quickly. (we have no children).
I got married when I was 20 to my high school sweetheart. We had no wedding, we just went to the courthouse. He was everything in my eyes. I was so in love with him. The first two years were good. Not great, but not terrible. He told me he wanted to move to a different state to go to school and of course, I supported him and went. We planned on going back to our hometown when he graduated, but we never did. He ended up loving it where we were.
He started smoking ciggarettes and marijuana behind my back and lying to me about it when I would question the smell. I wasn't stupid though. One day I found his ciggarretts in his truck and confronted him. He cried and said he was sorry and he was just doing it to get extra breaks with the guys at work.
After that, I lost my trust. Yes, it is small but, this man I thought could do no wrong, lied to me.
We then moved to a different city when he graduated bc he had a job offer. That was 4 years after we married, and I was 24. I guess real life hit him, and he started getting in bad moods all the time, spoke to me awful, didn't communicate, would tell me to go into the other room if I was going to cry... just awful. I stuck through it and asked him to go to counseling with me. Which he did. We both did. but, it didn't work.
Five more years went by, and now I am 29 and he is 30. I have been unhappy for all of those years and promised myself if he didn't start treating me better I'd leave. He attempted to rape me twice when he was drunk. He put his hand over my mouth and held my hands together. He only stopped because I was screaming and we live in an apt. The other time was on new years eve, he took me to a swingers club and claimed he didn't know that's what it was. I was appauled because people were naked everywhere having sex. I told him I wanted to leave and he said "we aren't leaving. We spent 200.00 to get in. Why don't you just have some fun and give me a blowjob?". He was drunk. He always acts this way when he is drunk. Then we left and got home and he tried to rape me in the car. Put me in the back seat and ripped my clothes but stopped when I started screaming. The next morning on both occassions, he looked sad for what he did and appologized to me. I forgave him.
Since then we got a dog that he wanted. But he is not nice to the dog, speaks mean to her. He doesn't hurt her, but he talks to her badly. He hates her because she is a "responsibility" that he has realized he doesn't want. So I pretty much take care of the dog.
He is a good man though inside. I just think bills have stressed him and put him in an emotional downward spiral. He doesn't fulfill me and he makes me hate my life. But, I still love him. He won't do anything with me that he doesn't want to do, but I always am sacraficing for him... because seeing him happy, makes me happy. He hates most people and has a hard time making friends because so many people annoy him.
When I am upset and try to have a calm, adult conversation about our realitionship, he doesn't want me to. He tells me to leave him, and to go cry somewhere else. It hurts so much. He tells me I annoy him and he doesn't want to hear my whiney voice. But the catch is-he only acts like this when he isn't getting what he wants. When he is getting what he wants, he is pleasant and makes me smile.
Finally about a year ago, I started working on myself. Going to the gym, and taking up hobbies. THis made me see him less and less. And, I started getting used to never being with him and I started wondering what the world holds for me. However, I keep putting off talking to my husband because I am so afraid to hurt him. I know it will make his life even harder financially if I leave. I get sad thinking about not having him around, and not sleeping next to him. I keep thinking of all of our memories and all the good moments, his smile, and laugh... his goofiness he had at times. It's crushing me. I just keep crying thinking about going through with it. I know my life would be happier, and I want to have a family and enjoy all I can while I am here. I know it won't happen with him. Then why can't I just do it. I am so lost.
I got married when I was 20 to my high school sweetheart. We had no wedding, we just went to the courthouse. He was everything in my eyes. I was so in love with him. The first two years were good. Not great, but not terrible. He told me he wanted to move to a different state to go to school and of course, I supported him and went. We planned on going back to our hometown when he graduated, but we never did. He ended up loving it where we were.
He started smoking ciggarettes and marijuana behind my back and lying to me about it when I would question the smell. I wasn't stupid though. One day I found his ciggarretts in his truck and confronted him. He cried and said he was sorry and he was just doing it to get extra breaks with the guys at work.
After that, I lost my trust. Yes, it is small but, this man I thought could do no wrong, lied to me.
We then moved to a different city when he graduated bc he had a job offer. That was 4 years after we married, and I was 24. I guess real life hit him, and he started getting in bad moods all the time, spoke to me awful, didn't communicate, would tell me to go into the other room if I was going to cry... just awful. I stuck through it and asked him to go to counseling with me. Which he did. We both did. but, it didn't work.
Five more years went by, and now I am 29 and he is 30. I have been unhappy for all of those years and promised myself if he didn't start treating me better I'd leave. He attempted to rape me twice when he was drunk. He put his hand over my mouth and held my hands together. He only stopped because I was screaming and we live in an apt. The other time was on new years eve, he took me to a swingers club and claimed he didn't know that's what it was. I was appauled because people were naked everywhere having sex. I told him I wanted to leave and he said "we aren't leaving. We spent 200.00 to get in. Why don't you just have some fun and give me a blowjob?". He was drunk. He always acts this way when he is drunk. Then we left and got home and he tried to rape me in the car. Put me in the back seat and ripped my clothes but stopped when I started screaming. The next morning on both occassions, he looked sad for what he did and appologized to me. I forgave him.
Since then we got a dog that he wanted. But he is not nice to the dog, speaks mean to her. He doesn't hurt her, but he talks to her badly. He hates her because she is a "responsibility" that he has realized he doesn't want. So I pretty much take care of the dog.
He is a good man though inside. I just think bills have stressed him and put him in an emotional downward spiral. He doesn't fulfill me and he makes me hate my life. But, I still love him. He won't do anything with me that he doesn't want to do, but I always am sacraficing for him... because seeing him happy, makes me happy. He hates most people and has a hard time making friends because so many people annoy him.
When I am upset and try to have a calm, adult conversation about our realitionship, he doesn't want me to. He tells me to leave him, and to go cry somewhere else. It hurts so much. He tells me I annoy him and he doesn't want to hear my whiney voice. But the catch is-he only acts like this when he isn't getting what he wants. When he is getting what he wants, he is pleasant and makes me smile.
Finally about a year ago, I started working on myself. Going to the gym, and taking up hobbies. THis made me see him less and less. And, I started getting used to never being with him and I started wondering what the world holds for me. However, I keep putting off talking to my husband because I am so afraid to hurt him. I know it will make his life even harder financially if I leave. I get sad thinking about not having him around, and not sleeping next to him. I keep thinking of all of our memories and all the good moments, his smile, and laugh... his goofiness he had at times. It's crushing me. I just keep crying thinking about going through with it. I know my life would be happier, and I want to have a family and enjoy all I can while I am here. I know it won't happen with him. Then why can't I just do it. I am so lost.
Put the internet to work for you.
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