Hi All,
Need some advice from a male perspective. Not all "I hate his friends" situations are the same, so please don't categorize me.
I will try to keep this short and sweet and unbiased as possible. I have been dating my current fiancee for 6 years on and off. He is a classy guy from a split home that was very spoiled and raised mostly by his single mother. She let him hang out with a pretty bad crowd and do whatever you know- bad divorce. His close guy friends dropped out of high school to go on rock tour as a band and the amount of drugs, alcohol, and adultery is too much to go on about.
I met him after college- was cool with that lifestyle at 24 but didn't quite fit in with my nerdy ways. The guys grew to dislike me and stuff got really bad. I would comment to my partner that they borrowed money too much and didn't pick up the tabs when he was around and made fun of people nonstop. The ringleader got drunk one night and chased me down yelling and screaming that I was using my partner for his money and he had bought my car for me, etc etc all complete BS. I have had 2-3 jobs the whole time we have dated and my car was purchased 2 years before meeting him.
Anyways, security saw the scene and kicked him out after he tried to punch me, my partner finally stopped the insanity and pushed him against the wall so I could get away.
Just an example of how nasty these people are. Total drama queens looking to F something or fight someone every night. So the ringleader got pissed and started all this **** talking about me and soon everyone jumped in and I was "the loser". I ended up leaving my partner and tripling my income by moving out of state and landing an awesome job. My weekend business started doing well also and I regained my confidence. After about 1.5 years my partner got tired of their drama and moved here to be with me. He had matured and stopped partying as much and proposed marriage to me after another 1.5 years.
Now, he wants to move back to his small hometown where all these bad friends are and bring me with him after the wedding. They have told him they were sorry but said rude things to me on the phone when they know he isn't in town. We just don't get along. I feel VERY VERY uncomfortable around these people. I get sick to my stomach thinking of dealing with them again and how depressed they once made me. Especially after some of them got in my face. Totally inappropriate. What kind of friends are they being to my partner by disrespecting me???
We have gone to counseling and they are horrified when I tell them everything. He won't go anymore. He is acting like he won't hang out with them after we move back but I know he never makes new friends and 90% chance he will go back to hanging out with them after a few months. I cannot fathom having these people in my house or near me at all. We love each other to death but quitting my job and my growing business here to end up in a bad economy and these horrible people seems very scary.
What is your vote? You all should know that you can't tell a guy to ditch his friends. He won't. And if he did, it would only lead to resentment. He wants everyone to be friends and have a beer together. How am I supposed to do that after someone tried to punch me?
Thank you for sharing your opinions.
Need some advice from a male perspective. Not all "I hate his friends" situations are the same, so please don't categorize me.
I will try to keep this short and sweet and unbiased as possible. I have been dating my current fiancee for 6 years on and off. He is a classy guy from a split home that was very spoiled and raised mostly by his single mother. She let him hang out with a pretty bad crowd and do whatever you know- bad divorce. His close guy friends dropped out of high school to go on rock tour as a band and the amount of drugs, alcohol, and adultery is too much to go on about.
I met him after college- was cool with that lifestyle at 24 but didn't quite fit in with my nerdy ways. The guys grew to dislike me and stuff got really bad. I would comment to my partner that they borrowed money too much and didn't pick up the tabs when he was around and made fun of people nonstop. The ringleader got drunk one night and chased me down yelling and screaming that I was using my partner for his money and he had bought my car for me, etc etc all complete BS. I have had 2-3 jobs the whole time we have dated and my car was purchased 2 years before meeting him.
Anyways, security saw the scene and kicked him out after he tried to punch me, my partner finally stopped the insanity and pushed him against the wall so I could get away.
Just an example of how nasty these people are. Total drama queens looking to F something or fight someone every night. So the ringleader got pissed and started all this **** talking about me and soon everyone jumped in and I was "the loser". I ended up leaving my partner and tripling my income by moving out of state and landing an awesome job. My weekend business started doing well also and I regained my confidence. After about 1.5 years my partner got tired of their drama and moved here to be with me. He had matured and stopped partying as much and proposed marriage to me after another 1.5 years.
Now, he wants to move back to his small hometown where all these bad friends are and bring me with him after the wedding. They have told him they were sorry but said rude things to me on the phone when they know he isn't in town. We just don't get along. I feel VERY VERY uncomfortable around these people. I get sick to my stomach thinking of dealing with them again and how depressed they once made me. Especially after some of them got in my face. Totally inappropriate. What kind of friends are they being to my partner by disrespecting me???
We have gone to counseling and they are horrified when I tell them everything. He won't go anymore. He is acting like he won't hang out with them after we move back but I know he never makes new friends and 90% chance he will go back to hanging out with them after a few months. I cannot fathom having these people in my house or near me at all. We love each other to death but quitting my job and my growing business here to end up in a bad economy and these horrible people seems very scary.
What is your vote? You all should know that you can't tell a guy to ditch his friends. He won't. And if he did, it would only lead to resentment. He wants everyone to be friends and have a beer together. How am I supposed to do that after someone tried to punch me?
Thank you for sharing your opinions.
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