I wrote a post over in the Sex section about how over the last few years my husband seems to have lost the desire to have sex as often and he's never given me a reason why, he just says, "I don't feel like it."
Last night I was up till almost 4 because I couldn't sleep. He was out of town and I just kept thinking about us over the years, and I realized that most of our fights have been about something I wanted but he didn't want to give me.
Now sex is that thing.
It makes me think that for whatever reason it's his way of having some sort of control over me.
One thing in particular (other than the having another baby) is us getting a cat.
We had a dog and a cat when moved to our house a few years ago. Our dog was 12 and the cat was about the same age. Within a year they both died, and we had no pets. I am an animal lover and so I was very sad. After a month of being without a pet (we do have a little parrot, but he's basically my husband's because he bites everyone else), I suggested we adopt a cat. He refused, saying pets are too much money, a hassle, blah blah blah. The kids really wanted a new pet also and were heartbroken over our cat and then our dog dying. I was very angry that he was so against it. Well, one day I took the kids with me to get more bird seed and they had kittens there and the kids were begging me for one. I told them no, I couldn't just do that and they didn't understand why. We went home and I looked up info on the computer about the organization who was adopting them out. Well, the next day I just went and got the kitten, and when my husband came home he was pissed. He said I had no right to do that without him agreeing, and I knew that, but I just felt really bad for the kids, and myself. He wouldn't give the cat any attention for the longest time and basically shooed her away, and now she won't really let him pet her because of it, and he just says stuff like, "Your cat is a jerk." No, he's the one who acted like a jerk. :/
I just feel like over the years almost anything I've asked him for, big or small, he's put up a fight about it.
Why would he do this?
I once got him a bottle of cologne that his cousin wears that I thought smelled really good, and he will not wear it, ever. If I ask him to he just says no, he doesn't like smelling like anything. It bugs me because I used a Sephora gift card to buy it that I'd gotten for my birthday from my mom, and he won't at least put a dab of it on.
If I suggest we watch a movie, he almost always argues with me about what to watch. I'll suggest one that I haven't seen in several years and he'll pick out one we watched 6 months ago.
Recently, I suggested we go to a new place for dinner. He reluctantly agreed, and then complained the whole time about it. It was a "nice" place and it had a limited menu. I can barely get him to eat more adventurously than our 2 kids, but I had hoped he'd be open-minded. I was sick of always going to the BBQ place or to Outback. When we left he said, "We won't be going there again." I told him I really liked it, and I would be going again because I know my friend would love it. His complaining just ruined our evening, and we rarely get a night alone without the kids. Part of me thinks he acted like a jerk in part so that I wouldn't want to have sex that night, because when we came home he was tired and just wanted to watch tv.
Whenever he wants something, it doesn't matter what it costs, we have the money. If it's something I want, then it's too expensive. He had to have THREE huge flat screen tvs, one in the living room, one in the bedroom and of course one in his man cave. He collects TONS of stuff and gets things several times a week in the mail from e-bay. When I go grocery shopping if I buy myself a couple bottles of $2 nail polish I get asked, "Did you really need another bottle of nail polish?" Well, no, I don't need it, but I don't go to a salon like every other woman I know, so I save money buy doing my nails myself.
His main reason for not wanting another baby was that kids are too expensive. I've always stayed home, so we haven't paid childcare. I breastfed also, so that saved a ton of money. I even made a lot of homemade babyfood to save money. Here and there I've done babysitting and earned some $, and I had a short term part time job last year. I told him I'd get a job while the kids are in school so that we could have more $ for a baby, and he still said no.
Do you think him starting to deny me sex is a way of trying to have power over me? It's almost like he gets some sort of pleasure in telling me no. I don't understand it, because it's not like I beg him all the time for things or ask for a lot of stuff. I am a pretty simple person and don't spend a lot of $ on unnecessary things. I've had my own credit cards and I could be out spending tons of money all the time, but I don't do that.
This whole thing just seems so ridiculous and childish. For the last few nights he's slept in his man cave and he's barely spoken to me. I just don't even know what to say to him.
I think he is waiting for me to come to him. I realize now I've done that. When we don't talk for days or a week, it's almost always me who will just walk over and give him a hug. He'll say I'm sorry and then we end up having sex. After, I always feel like crap, because I know it'll go back to me practically having to beg for attention.
I decided this time I am NOT going to be the one to say or do anything. I am also not going to have sex with him either until I get some answers and an apology from him for being so cold to me. This will be hard for me to do, and he knows that.
Last night I was up till almost 4 because I couldn't sleep. He was out of town and I just kept thinking about us over the years, and I realized that most of our fights have been about something I wanted but he didn't want to give me.
Now sex is that thing.
It makes me think that for whatever reason it's his way of having some sort of control over me.
One thing in particular (other than the having another baby) is us getting a cat.
We had a dog and a cat when moved to our house a few years ago. Our dog was 12 and the cat was about the same age. Within a year they both died, and we had no pets. I am an animal lover and so I was very sad. After a month of being without a pet (we do have a little parrot, but he's basically my husband's because he bites everyone else), I suggested we adopt a cat. He refused, saying pets are too much money, a hassle, blah blah blah. The kids really wanted a new pet also and were heartbroken over our cat and then our dog dying. I was very angry that he was so against it. Well, one day I took the kids with me to get more bird seed and they had kittens there and the kids were begging me for one. I told them no, I couldn't just do that and they didn't understand why. We went home and I looked up info on the computer about the organization who was adopting them out. Well, the next day I just went and got the kitten, and when my husband came home he was pissed. He said I had no right to do that without him agreeing, and I knew that, but I just felt really bad for the kids, and myself. He wouldn't give the cat any attention for the longest time and basically shooed her away, and now she won't really let him pet her because of it, and he just says stuff like, "Your cat is a jerk." No, he's the one who acted like a jerk. :/
I just feel like over the years almost anything I've asked him for, big or small, he's put up a fight about it.
Why would he do this?
I once got him a bottle of cologne that his cousin wears that I thought smelled really good, and he will not wear it, ever. If I ask him to he just says no, he doesn't like smelling like anything. It bugs me because I used a Sephora gift card to buy it that I'd gotten for my birthday from my mom, and he won't at least put a dab of it on.
If I suggest we watch a movie, he almost always argues with me about what to watch. I'll suggest one that I haven't seen in several years and he'll pick out one we watched 6 months ago.
Recently, I suggested we go to a new place for dinner. He reluctantly agreed, and then complained the whole time about it. It was a "nice" place and it had a limited menu. I can barely get him to eat more adventurously than our 2 kids, but I had hoped he'd be open-minded. I was sick of always going to the BBQ place or to Outback. When we left he said, "We won't be going there again." I told him I really liked it, and I would be going again because I know my friend would love it. His complaining just ruined our evening, and we rarely get a night alone without the kids. Part of me thinks he acted like a jerk in part so that I wouldn't want to have sex that night, because when we came home he was tired and just wanted to watch tv.
Whenever he wants something, it doesn't matter what it costs, we have the money. If it's something I want, then it's too expensive. He had to have THREE huge flat screen tvs, one in the living room, one in the bedroom and of course one in his man cave. He collects TONS of stuff and gets things several times a week in the mail from e-bay. When I go grocery shopping if I buy myself a couple bottles of $2 nail polish I get asked, "Did you really need another bottle of nail polish?" Well, no, I don't need it, but I don't go to a salon like every other woman I know, so I save money buy doing my nails myself.
His main reason for not wanting another baby was that kids are too expensive. I've always stayed home, so we haven't paid childcare. I breastfed also, so that saved a ton of money. I even made a lot of homemade babyfood to save money. Here and there I've done babysitting and earned some $, and I had a short term part time job last year. I told him I'd get a job while the kids are in school so that we could have more $ for a baby, and he still said no.
Do you think him starting to deny me sex is a way of trying to have power over me? It's almost like he gets some sort of pleasure in telling me no. I don't understand it, because it's not like I beg him all the time for things or ask for a lot of stuff. I am a pretty simple person and don't spend a lot of $ on unnecessary things. I've had my own credit cards and I could be out spending tons of money all the time, but I don't do that.
This whole thing just seems so ridiculous and childish. For the last few nights he's slept in his man cave and he's barely spoken to me. I just don't even know what to say to him.
I think he is waiting for me to come to him. I realize now I've done that. When we don't talk for days or a week, it's almost always me who will just walk over and give him a hug. He'll say I'm sorry and then we end up having sex. After, I always feel like crap, because I know it'll go back to me practically having to beg for attention.
I decided this time I am NOT going to be the one to say or do anything. I am also not going to have sex with him either until I get some answers and an apology from him for being so cold to me. This will be hard for me to do, and he knows that.
Put the internet to work for you.
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